Whoa Jen. I wasn't laughing AT YOU or making threats towards you. Lex is an author on this site (and also a mod as he mentioned) and he has a thing for Pepsi, as well as correct spelling, punctuation and grammar. I was just trying to lighten the situation up a bit. I don't know how it got so blown out of proportion but I can honestly say I didn't mean to make you that angry. I sincerely apologize and ask for a truce.

Well, I'm getting a helluva tan, that's for sure!!

Still no job. Apparently they don't want to hire someone with an advanced degree to wait tables but I can't find anything in my field right now either. Good thing I worked hard for so many years to build my credit limits up! So I'm just kicking back, doing some writing (lyrics mostly), and trying to socialize a bit. Haven't done that in awhile so it's tough getting back into the swing of things, especially when you know how shy I am.

Glad to hear you're still plugging away. I'll have to go online and order your new book... after I find a job!

And doesn't put extra spaces between words?

How have you been my friend? Any more books out yet? I don't come on to play much anymore. Miss talking with ya!

You made a clear error in spelling. It's either spelled right or spelled wrong. I used a conjunction at the beginning of a sentence. Even you said it was "BEST to use it to connect two words", however it isn't blatantly wrong to use it at the beginning of a sentence. If it's used properly, it can connect two thoughts together that aren't otherwise connected. And furthermore, (see, I just did it again!), I'm not upset in the slightest that you jumped on me about it. You however seem to be quite hostile towards the entire room now. Please take a chill pill or I'll sick Lex on you! He's apt to throw a Pepsi can at you or something!

Just a wee bit sensitive to criticism are you? Relax girl. No need to send singmesweet, FatFreddy and I to the corner for using "And" to begin a sentence. It's short for in addition to the previous thought, but not close enough to separate the two sentences by a comma and use "and...". We have the grammar police in the forum now <<<Lex!!!>>> so we have to be careful what we post or it could be fifty lashes with a wet noodle.

And by the way, hi Lex!

So I guess we're going with laziness over poor education in your case then?

Wasn't meant as an insult, merely an observation...found it ironic that you were complaining about misspelling and misspelled something...hence why I put the

I make mistakes all the time and I do try to proofread before I post but sometimes I still don't catch them. It's harder to spot them on your own writing than it is to pick them up in somebody else's writing, which is why most authors have proofreaders.

I really don't care how well people spell. If they can make it close enough for me to understand, then it's all good. My son is a horrible speller but he's a very bright kid. I care more about what the person has to say rather than how they string letters and punctuation together.

Sad but true...

From a sociological viewpoint, there are many causes of divorce these days but in general it's because we went from traditional marriage (man is bread winner, female stays home to raise kids, and this is a lifelong commitment...society disapproved of either party walking away from the marriage...the couple was seen as a failure.) to marriages of convenience, aka companionate marriage (either party can leave if they're not happy and society accepts this without question now.) This came about shortly after women were allowed into the workforce (during World War II) and the equal rights movement ensued. Once women were able to fend for themselves and no longer dependent on a man to survive, the playing field was leveled and the divorce rate has risen steadily since.

Well she asked!

So I probably shouldn't point out that you misspelled continUously in your first post right? That was a typo too I'm sure!

Sorry, I was a spelling bee champion when I was younger so I pick up on mistakes pretty easily. I do however agree with you that technology is dumbing down our kids. If they even use spell check, it's worthless in many situations. Proofreading seems to be obsolete these days and calculators are being used in grade school. When I was growing up, we had to memorize multiplication tables and look up words in a dictionary for correct spelling. Those days are gone! Without their gadgets, they're pretty much screwed. And look there, I even got proper usage of their and they're in that sentence (and all 3 versions in this one!).

Prayers sent for you and your Dad during this difficult time. I feel your pain...watching a parent suffer is a terrible ordeal to have to go through, especially if you're doing it alone. Just be there for him, he might not be conscious but I believe he knows you're there with him. Hold his hand, tell him you love him, and don't give up hope. Be grateful for the time you've spent with him and the closer relationship that's developed because of it and know that you've done everything you could do for him all along and that he appreciates it and loves you for it. I hope he pulls through this and continues to gain strength as he recovers. I know I don't know you, but if you need someone to talk to, message me...I've been in your shoes.

This show is excellent and rehabs DO work. The problem is that once you leave and go back to the old area, BAM all the triggers are back and most people relapse. If you do put your son in rehab, there are a few things that might help. Before he goes, ask him to take you to the places he goes to get high...take pictures. Have him take pictures of the people he gets high with and his drug tools. Lots and lots of pictures of everything and anything he associates with his drug, or even places he went or things he did high. Then when he's in rehab, start showing him the pictures after the drugs are detoxed out of his system. His brain will see the pictures and the urge will be very, very strong but he will be in a place with no access to the drug. Keep doing it repeatedly. Each time the pictures are shown and the drug does not follow, the associations weaken. This is called exposure therapy. Over time, the anxiety lessens when you see the picture and eventually, after enough exposure, you don't feel the anxiety you used to feel, meaning the craving is gone. You have basically rewired the brain. I know it sounds complicated and a bit unorthodox but knowing what I know about the brain, this is how it works and will give your son the best chance at staying clean. I tried hard to explain this without technical terms and although it's complicated I believe it will work. It works to overcome fear and from what I've learned, I think it will work with addiction too.

Also related to this is something called biofeedback. Look into it and see if they can teach your son this method. It would be especially helpful to use it during the exposure therapy. It teaches you to recognize the signals that your brain/body gives off as you prepare for the drug. Our bodies want to stay balanced...something called homeostasis. When we first take the drug, we get really high and our brain goes WTF was that? After repeated use, it begins to recognize ahead of time that the drug is coming (from the cues in the environment) and reacts by initiating opposite effects of the drug. This is why it takes more and more of a drug to experience the same high the longer you use...a phenomenon known as tolerance. If you get high, your brain will tell your body to release natural chemicals that depress your system in a kind of proactive effort to counteract the effects of the drug that will soon be coming. Alcoholics get happy when they see a bottle. Meth and coke addicts get depressed when they see a pipe or envelope and don't have the drug. This is also why you get drunker off your normal six pack when you drink in a place you've never drank before and why overdoses usually happen in a novel environment. The cues that normally produce the counter-reaction aren't there so when the person administers the amount of the drug they typically use, the system is shocked and can't handle it. (You read about superstars ODing in hotel rooms all the time...chances are they did their normal dose but didn't know their body wouldn't be able to handle it in new surroundings!)Biofeedback teaches you to recognize the signals your body gives off...heart rate increasing, muscle contractions, those kind of things. Again, I know this is complicated stuff but I'm trying to put it in layman's terms for you.

I hope this info helps. When you're looking for rehabs, ask if they use biofeedback. Talk to the doctors about my idea with the pictures and exposure therapy. These two things could make a major difference in his ability to stay clean when he comes home. Best wishes for you and your son.

To learn to trust you must first believe in yourself. Know that no matter what is thrown at you, you can handle it and stay true to your path. If you follow your heart and use your brain it's not difficult to learn how to trust. If you get burned, chalk it up to lesson learned and put it in the library for future reference.

I used to have serious trust issues...now I trust everyone because I know that I'm strong, I'm a survivor and I will not let anyone or anything deter me from my path in life. I choose to follow it and if you're cool with me, you can come along for the ride. If not, well **** off, I'll be just fine on my own thank you very much.

I know, easier said than done...just my take on it.

A sunny day, a favorite song, watching a child laugh, seeing two old people walking hand in hand, a Red Sox win really puts one on my face. So many things... I could go on and on and on...

Prayers sent for you and your son(s). I don't get on here much anymore so this is the first I've seen of this...

May I offer some info that may be useful to you? As a single mother myself and as somebody who studied the brain extensively (I just got my BS in biobehavioral psychology with an emphasis on learning and addiction).

Our environments play a huge role in how our brains work to produce cravings. It's why people can stay clean in rehab and most lapse when they come home. You build associations between the drug and the things you see while using. His friends, the places he uses in, even just seeing a lighter, straw, whatever will trigger the urge and it's something he cannot control. Those things associated strongly with use will send signals to the pleasure center of the brain telling him he needs to use when he sees them. If he's been getting high in his room, he will want to get high just by being in his room even if he really wants to stay clean.

What he must do is build new associations while he's clean. Try to change his environment. Switch rooms with him and change his bedding, pictures on the wall, etc. Take a different route when you travel to the store, school, etc. Buy new clothes that he only wears when he's sober. He needs to meet people that don't use and spend his time with them...meetings are a great place for this. Obviously you can't change everything but the more different you can make his surroundings, the easier it will be for him.

Only time can heal him and his brain. Associations weaken if not reinforced but they will always be there. Once he's gotten some sobriety under his belt, start introducing the things he used to associate with drug use back into his world under supervision. He will replace the old associations of drug-thing with no drug-thing in a safe environment and the new connections will override the old.

I know this is lengthy but I hope it helps you to understand why he's struggling with this so much. You both can get through these difficult times...one day at a time...sometimes one moment at a time. Prayers will be said often for the two of you.

I don't even think it's about the confront people and tell them no thing since like Txsgal said, most of these places only accept apps online. No confrontation is involved in sending a generic "job filled" response. I think it's just laziness on their part and like soufie said, lack of common courtesy.

I can see if this was a personal site request...not interested, no response to inquiries for a date (altho that's debatable too!).. but this is supposed to be a professional arena. I take the time to submit my work history, educational achievements, and answer the barage of psychological questions and they can't take two seconds to say "I'm sorry but the position has been offered to a more qualified candidate."

Thanks for the well wishes on finding employment. I'm tenacious so I'll be working soon. Just wish it was like the old days when you could go and shake your prospective employers hand and give them your resume and they'd say they'd be in touch and mean it. Like I posted in another thread, times they are a changin'.

I think the major difference of opinions here stems from the generations gap. Nowadays curse words are used almost everywhere, whereas when I was growing up, you didn't hear them on TV or in public, generally speaking. Swearing has become no more taboo then divorce these days. Times they are a changin', not for the better in my opinion but that's another thread.

As for whether I'd be upset for the "crap" lesson...yes, I probably would. Here's why...

Scenario: You teach Jr. to say "I gotta take a crap". Children from birth on learn that actions have consequences, both negative and positive...they repeat things that bring positive ones (laughter, for instance) and tend not to repeat ones that bring negative ones (soap in the mouth, for instance). Fast forward years after Jr. has learned that saying "I gotta take a crap" brings about positive reinforcement...young adult Jr. is at his first big business meeting with a bunch of executives...how do you think they'd react to "Excuse me gentlemen, I gotta take a crap!"? It's harder to unlearn something than it is to learn it. Why make things more difficult for your child than they already are in this complicated world of ours?

That's the way this old "respect your elders, respect yourself" chick sees it anyways.

...at least when it comes to job hunting!

I recently relocated to Florida and I'm on the employment search. I've submitted dozens of applications/resumes with nary a response. I mean, really now..would it be that hard to generate a generic email to send to us job seekers? I'd even be thrilled with "Thank you for your interest in the position. We have selected someone for the job and you're not it. Best of luck to you!".

Just seems strange that employers are seeking professional employees yet they can't seem to be professional themselves by providing the courtesy of a response to all applicants.

I've met really immature older men and really mature younger ones. I've seen guys that were thirty who looked like they had one foot in the grave, and men who were pushing sixty that looked like they could beat an entire high school track team in a fifty yard dash. You're as old as you feel and act.

Age is but a number, kind of like shoe size. It matters not to me personally. What does matter is if they can provide what I'm looking for in a relationship... respect, communication, honesty, loyalty, and attraction... and knowing if they can do that comes with time, not age.

Apparently it is after you have eight shots of Goldschlager...I told complete strangers I loved 'em.

On a serious note...yes, I believe it can happen. I think when two people instantly connect, it can be considered love. That love deepens and grows over time as you explore each other, or maybe it eventually fades away into the night, but just because it changes doesn't mean it never existed. Just my two cents...