I like sex to. I'd really like it if it happened before I forgot what it is.

Do you ever think we are talking two different languages?

I took a course on human sexuality in college. The first thing the prof said is that people will have sex long before they talk about it or even talk about safe sex. Good friends will be talking about this long before it happens.

In the real world I approach people, both men and women equally. As potential friends. They still have to earn my trust as I will have to earn theirs. In the real world I don't start with is this a potential partner when I meet a man. I don't even think that way. They are all people first.

On dating sites we have an alternate reality. We do have an agenda. I am not here looking for friends who live 2000 miles away. I have friends right here. So here yes, I look at the profiles and the images. I read what they say. I look at their age and where they live. I narrow down the field. Because HERE I do have an agenda. And it is right there in my profile. I am looking for a special person.

Now when I do meet men we talk. Ii am not wondering what he looks like with his clothes off. I am listening to him. I am assessing whether we might have enough in common to even make it to something more than coffee. It is quite easy to assess if they are only looking for sex. One guy was very clearly racist and that didn't come out in our talks online. If all he wants is sex (I buy my own coffee) then it stops there. A couple want to be friends because there was no attraction on their part towards me. That is fine. But they haven't called. And it doesn't ruin my day. Except for the racist I enjoyed talking to them. And it didn't depend on whether I was going to get lucky (finally after 14 years). I was assessing whether they could be a friend. That first.

My apology if I misunderstood something you said. That is something that happens with the written word sometimes. The voice in our head misinterprets

Single is far better than being with the wrong person

He is describing HIS side of it, not hers. I am pretty sure the women in his life have given him plenty and if you read what he has said you would see it. Friendship just for the sake of friendship its own reward. No payoff. No pot of gold. Just the simple joy of being with people. Do all your friends only like you because what they can get from you? Is that the only reason you like people? At that end it is selfishness.

Most of my life I have given unselfishly. That is what I was taught from the time I could walk. As a woman my job was to give and give and keep giving preferably without complaint or requests for help or support. In return I was told I was being selfish because I didn't lie down and spread them so he could do his business. They thought sex was some kind of business transaction. I will take you out to dinner IF I get lucky later on. I'd rather pay for my own meal thank you.I'll give you extra money to pay for... if we have sex (from a husband). It's your birthday so I will give you sex as a present. (No thanks.)

Like me for who I am as a person. Not even as a woman but as a person. if and when I meet a man that can do that I might be more than willing to change the status of the relationship (friendships ARE relationships too). But if you think sex is a business transaction and that I now OWE you sex in return for being nice to me, or buying something or cleaning the bathroom then you most likely won't get the sex. But if you respect me (yup there's that word), talk to me, spend time with me doing just normal things that people do without an expectation of a sex payment you might get the promotion. But when you do any of that and expect sex then you disrespect me. You dishonor me. Really if you had a daughter is that how you would want men to treat her? Or your mother?

No such thing as true altruism? There is and if you had a child you loved, a sister or brother, a mother or father, what would you do for them? A dear friend? People enlist in the army not for the fun vacation or to see the world. They become firemen and policemen not for the great uniforms. But they want to serve, to help other and sometimes run into the burning building to rescue someone knowing you might not get out. There is altruism all around you. AND they do all of this for people they don't even know!

Young guy sends a message to older women. She says he is too young and age doesn't matter. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have read this.

It matters!

Interests. I cannot imagine someone who is 45 or younger sitting in a room with my friends and being able to understand what we are talking about. People my age remember Kennedy. We lived through that trauma. And people all over the world were traumatized by his assassination. Same for King and Lennon. We grew up with these people. They aren't just things the heard about or read somewhere. They are imprinted in our minds. The first space flight. Landing on the moon. Wringer washing machine. Only radio or black and white TV. A mom who stayed home with the kids when one income could support a family.

Music. Whole different scene there

Movies. They watch movies about the above events and think they know it. We can watch the movie and tell you what they left out or changed for the sake of the Hollywood machine.

Life stages. I'm retired. I don't want to wait 20 years for him to retire so we can travel together. I've already put my time in. Raised my family.

Needs and wants. What is important to a 40 or 50 yr old isn't as important to those of us who are retied.

I could go on but what would be left? Sex? Personally I would rather have sex with someone I can relate to in all the above categories and a lot more. Not into going backwards in life

Me too. I keep resetting them but every time I go in they are changed back. I am not interesting in men the age of my children or that live too far away to get together on the spur of the moment for coffee or dinner

I don't need a man in my life. But it sure would be nice.

My mother always told me I need a good man to take care of me. What I discovered was that I am very capable of taking care of myself. I don't need a man for that. So yup mom was wrong.

Me three

Not a tomboy? I don't know.

Geezer I like your approach to woman most of the time. And I "get" this one. But, I'd like to put a different perspective on this.

I don't need a man in my life. But I want one. I want someone that would be my best friend and my lover, to share all life has to offer while still maintaining who we are as individuals, with our own interests. Then we can come home and share our day with each other and talk about everything we can think of.

So yes. I want someone special in my life. And I do have a menu of what qualities I am looking for. Don't we all? And I do mean qualities. I want as a craving or yearning, a longing for a shared and mutual love.

I have been single for the last 14 years. That was a very conscious choice on my part. I needed time to deal with some health problems and sort myself out after my divorce. And not just single - no dating at all.

If I had not taken that time, especially to sort myself out, then there would have been a real good chance that I would drag past issues into the next relationship.

Being single gave me plenty of time to sort out who I am, what I want and what I don't want. I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I might make new ones but hopefully they won't get me into situations that are toxic to me. Life is too short and as we get older it feels like it is getting shorter at the time.

I'm ready now. Past-drama free. But being single for those 14 years was the best thing I did for myself.

Really? You have to question this? I know plenty of men that will take advantage of someone, will say anything to get sex. If their only agenda is sex what does it matter who their victim is. And yes I use the word victim deliberately. They don't care for the person. Caring has nothing to do with what they want.

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Just reread what I posted. I think I have to stop posting from my phone. it keeps changing the words I type into other words so that it is hard to make any sense of what I was saying in some sentences.

I already raised my kids and helped raise my siblings. Why would I want another kid?

I had one 19 real d tell me he would teach me about sexy! He was younger Han my granddaughter. I told him I had been having sex since before he was born. There wasn’t anything he could teach me... at least that I would want to learn

This the closest I have ever heard a man describe what a woman wants accurately.

Yes men are visual and they want the one that turns there head. Eye candy. Well until they find out she is missing a few marbles.

Women want the friendship. If you can love being with her, talking about everything and just enjoy being with her then you have a chance of becoming more.

Sadly our society is now pressuring men to look a certain way: toned, ripped, washboard abs. We don’t care as much about this as men do. You could look like Adonis but if al you are thinking about is how to get us in
Not bed then it is u likely you will even stay in the friend zone for very long.

I had been talking online to a fellow from another city for about 6 months. He said he understood my friends first policy and agreed. So we kept talking and finally agreed to meet. Since he had to travel I agreed he could stay here but we would not be sharing a bed.

I had it met him. I most definitely wasn’t going to commit to having sex before he got here. What if he took one look and wasn’t attracted to me? Or the other way around? What if there was something important that he had not told me, like he weighed 400 lbs? What if the friendship we had online just didn’t work in the real world?

So no I wasn’t going to vomit to sex. In one of our last chats he said something interesting. He had been on a date and even though the woman was extremely obese he would have had sex with her simply because he was “horny” - his exact word not mine. He just wanted sedans was wiling to use any woman to do that even one he didn’t like.

That was the end. I don’t ever want to be taken advantage of or feel pressured to have sex. That ever works for me.

And I have to wonder about those friend to lover and the back - how many happened because one person felt pressured into having sex before they were ready?

I've done it too. More than once. Won't make that mistake again.

Look the only thing a young guy is thinking about when he thinks of cougars (the human variety) is sex sex and more sex.

Come on. Really. Even a young guy needs to get away from it for a while. Most definitely the older ladies do to. In between becoming your second mommy who picks up after you and washes your clothes and makes your meals and does your shopping.

Really? You want ANOTHER mother?

TV is NOT real. Have you ever noticed that the "cougars" live in expensive homes that their husbands pay for, wear designer clothes that their husbands pay for, have huge yards that require groundskeepers to take care of, or take tennis lessons that the husbands pay for.

None of that is real. And if you find one I really doubt she is willing to put up with a boy for very long.

In real life there are exceptions but even Demi Moore and Ashton Kutchner couldn't make it work. And they had all the things above although they both worked and had piles of money.

well unless they don't answer them. Mine are all answered. They just choose to ignore it. They all make such good little narcissists. They want what they want and the social norms don't matter or what you say. I don't know. I think this is really clear:

Definitely between the ages of 58 and 78. If you live outside of Canada or are younger than 58 save your time. I will not respond and simply block you.

Maybe they are just busy amusing themselves because they have no way to deal with their own issues so they just try to stir things up a bit. I suspect a good number of the women here get the exact same messages from several men. In fact a different guy today did a copy and paste but he copied part of the message that someone else sent him telling him she wasn't interested.

Did you forget your shirt? You might need to update your photo to match the season unless you travel down to much warmer climates. I suspect Ohio is a little chilly for sunbathing at this time of year

That isn't something I would do but oh so appropriate right now.

I try to be polite. Tell them no. I am not interested. In 5 emails he is ready to drop everything, drag his kid out of school, move to another country just to be with me. I am not sure whether to laugh or just shake my head. So the last stand -- I AM NOT INTERESTED and then I blocked him