Great explanation! You know your "stuff!".. And I'm not just trying to "butter you up" either!...In regards to praise and flattery in the other thread I've probably been around too many people who "feign interest." (As you mentioned in your post.)...They toss out compliments left and right to "look good" and "bank" on getting a "big return!"

I'm not ready to date yet. Or ready to get romantically involved with someone right now...So I'd probably do okay with a long-distance "friendship."

I'm not ready to date yet. Or ready to get romantically involved with someone right now...So I'd probably do okay with a long-distance "friendship."

Sounds you were both mature and realistic and caring...Sorry that the relationship ended though..

Hard to be around big-time "know-it-alls!" And people who always insist they are "right!"

Good post! I agree...And I think that people who come across as "all that" and arrogant probably have a lot of hidden insecurities. Don't you?...Secure people don't need to boast and brag and "pump" themselves "way up high."...This is how I feel anyway.. I'm all for "happy mediums" when it comes to ego's!...It's sad when people don't have very much confidence in themselves.

Good to have a glimmer of hope...

Sorry!

It's usually a put-down to say that someone has a "big ego.".. What does it mean to have a "small ego?"...What is your definition of having an "ego?"

How do you envision spending your "later years" with a partner?...My husband and I had a few years together after retirement before he passed away.. Neither one of us reached the "old and feeble" stage...We took trips and went dancing and enjoyed our freedom. He stayed active right up until the end despite his cancer...But I know it doesn't work out this way for everyone. Old age can involve being a "caretaker" to our spouse or having to go into a nursing home etc...When we're young we don't always think about our "later years." (I know I didn't when I was younger.)

Basically I adopted a lot of the traits and values that I admired in my parents...And I took a different path when it came to religion and certain aspects of politics and other beliefs and traits.

Thanks! I hardly ever get any hugs anymore except for when I hug my cats.

Leigh...Thanks for listening and responding and understanding...I just want to feel "safe" right now. I don't want unwarranted or unsolicted attention..I'm in the process of trying to work through my grief and rebuild my life...I don't even feel like a single woman yet! And I'm not "up for grabs" or on the "auction block" right now...Besides I'm not even a normal woman!..So it's foolish for traditional men to set their "sights" on me because I won't fit neatly in their pocket. (And they'll be disappointed in the long run.)...My husband didn't compliment me on my legs or my "looks" right off the bat! He could see that I was a "different breed" and he took time to get to know me as a person...He didn't push all the traditional male/female stuff on me...And he didn't want to "do roles" either so we were a "great match!"

Leigh..Thanks for responding. I told my friend many times that I wasn't ready to date yet...But I felt like he was starting to put "designs" on me anyway...Or maybe he wanted to be the first in line when I was ready or ?..And this changed our relationship and made me nervous...He started acting different in other ways too. (Beyond the comments about my legs.)...He acted like a "know-it-all" at times and handed me unsolicited advice...To be honest he started reminding me of my dad even though we were close in age...He just seemed so "old-school." And he seemed to place me in the role of "damsel in distress" or the "little lady" or ?...None of this seemed appropriate because we weren't even that close. And I wasn't asking him for advice. I took care of myself despite all I was going through at the time...It seemed like he had me "marked." Kind of like a dog or cat who tries to "mark" their "territory."...It was all creepy to me! And he denied that he was doing any of this and said he was fine with just being friends...We never went on dates...We just crossed paths at times...Or ran into each other at functions...Basically he only complimented me about my legs a few times. And the rest of the time he tried to make me "feel small" while he took pride in "playing dad" or the "wise one" or ?..No thank you! I don't need these type of relationships!

It takes me a long, long time to let down my "guard.".. I want to wait until I have a chance to see "all sides" to a man before I hand him my heart (and trust) on a "silver platter."...I may have feelings for someone but I'm not going to "leap" into anything prematurely...I probably view love like a soup or pasta sauce. It takes time for all the ingredients to "mix" and blend together...I don't want to rush the process... I won't talk about love until I feel totally comfortable with someone at all times...When I'm "sure" of who he really is...No "instant" or "overnight" love for me!

I used to run into a long-time (male) family friend every so often after my husband died and during my son's "battle" with cancerous brain tumors...It was a spooky and stressful time for me. I worried that my son might end-up dying too. (And he did.)...Anyway it was nice to run into this friend once in awhile and he asked about my son. (Which was nice.)..I met him a couple of year's back when we were all vendors at a large indoor swap-meet. He knew my husband and son too...Anyway my friend must have considered me "fair game" and "available" at some point. And he started complimenting me about my legs..It made me nervous and I went out of my way to avoid him after that...My husband of nearly 25 years had just died of cancer. And my son was "fighting" for his life...I wasn't "available" and I didn't want someone staring at my legs! And considering me "fair game!" YUKKO!.. The comments about my legs were inappropriate and "out of line" based on what I was facing back then.

I think we all have our very own identity...My identity isn't based on looking pretty or appealing...If a man constantly compliments me on my "looks" I feel like he is trying to mold and shape me into who he wants and expects me to "be." (To please him and fit his image.)..I never was much of a "girly-girl" to begin with...And now at 64 I'm happy to be out of the "beauty race" entirely...All through my life I've considered myself a person first and a woman second...:My identity hasn't been wrapped around my gender...I'd probably describe myself as somewhat of a nerd...Or an eccentric and non-conformist "artist type" or "armchair philosopher" or ??...Maybe a "pioneer" type of woman...But I'm just not a "girly-girl" who fusses over my "looks." I haven't worn make-up for a long time and don't intend to dye or "cover" my gray hair...I don't mind being a "wallflower" and blending into the "woodworks!".. I don't want to be in the spotlight or compete in any "beauty races."...Anyway all women aren't the "same." There are a few rebels and renegades (like me) floating around who don't define themselves by their "looks."

Good your ex doesn't live close to you today...Sorry that things didn't work out between you.

AthenaRose...I'm glad you and your Mom were able to "heal" together and talk and even laugh together before she passed away...Sorry you didn't have more time together...My Grandma never "healed." It was sad! She became really bitter and angry at the end and negative...There was no way to "reach" her because she wanted to stay mad and full of self-pity and self-righteous etc...It was hard to go and visit her. She used to say awful things about my Dad and my Mom too and all of us...She died in a "bitter state." It was sad...I made a vow early in life not to end-up like my Grandma...I didn't have good luck with Grandmas...My Dad's Mom lived in the Mid-West and acted like I didn't exist. I never received any birthday cards from her or anything at all...I just didn't exist to her...She was cold to me the few times I saw her...I know she was mad at my Dad for moving away and settling in CA. She didn't like my Mom either...No wonder my Mom and Dad tried to pull together as best friends and equals and create a happy family for themselves and me...They were persecuted from many different sides!

I agree...I think we all have a lot to learn from each other...I think it helps when we discuss our various cultures and backgrounds...What's normal in one culture can seem odd or "way out there" in another culture...Good to take the time to learn more about each other's set of norms and ways and customs.