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Community > Posts By > harrypotter2
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Topic:
Possible computer Stickers
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1. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding 2. <-------- The information went data way 3. The name is Baud...James Baud. 4. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! 5. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah! 6. C:V> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. 7. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) 8. Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups. 9. E Pluribus Modem 10. .... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) 11. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny 12. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)? 13. 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium. 14. Windows: Just another pane in the glass. 15. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . 16. RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure. 17. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue... 18. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key 19. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! 20. E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage. 21. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. 22. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 23. Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! 24. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... 25. REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q) 26. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) 27. Hit any user to continue. 28. Disk Full - Press F1 to belch. 29. Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic 30. (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?   
 
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Topic:
Extreme shepherding:
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That's just Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad
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Topic:
EURO ENGLISH
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Too true. Too true.
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Topic:
An Introduction to Humour
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Laughter is the best medicine. It helps to : * reduce stress, * lower blood pressure, * elevates your mood, * boost immune system, * improve brain functioning, * protect the heart, * connect you to others, * foster instant relaxation, and * make you feel good. Humor is essential to mental health for a variety of reasons: * Humor enhances our ability to affiliate or connect with others. * Humour helps us replace distressing emotions with pleasurable feelings. You cannot feel angry, depressed, anxious, guilty, or resentful and experience humor at the same time. * Lacking humour will cause one's thought processes to stagnate leading to increased distress. * Humour changes behavior – when we experience humor we talk more, make more eye contact with others, touch others, etc. * Humour increases energy, and with increased energy we may perform activities that we might otherwise avoid. * Finally, humour is good for mental health because it makes us feel good! There are also some social benefits of humour and laughter : # Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. # Humour unites us, especially when we laugh together. # Laughter heals. # Laughs and smiles are enjoyed best when shared with others. So in that case...... Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this: A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. "Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked. "No, I don't," she replied. "Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size." She didn't crack a smile. "Oh, well. I tried," he thought. But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" he asked "I was just envisioning how condoms are made!" Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!
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I used to be able to relate to that
 Only joking
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I think I'll pass on the soup
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Just as well I only drink beer then
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why is it i can relate to all of those things? 
Maybe it's because you're old??? Just a thought. 
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Topic:
BEDTIMES VIRUS
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Topic:
The broken lawnmower
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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is usually the husband. When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, riding motorcycles, fishing, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. 'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.' The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
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Topic:
Walmart is reporting...
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Walmart is reporting that their stores in Florida and Alabama have been selling massive amount of rifle and shotgun ammunition since August 8. It's been hard to keep it in stock.
One customer reported, "Those Russkies may have invaded Georgia, but it ain't gonna happen here!"
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Topic:
Walmart is reporting...
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Walmart is reporting that their stores in Florida and Alabama have been selling massive amount of rifle and shotgun ammunition since August 8. It's been hard to keep it in stock.
One customer reported, "Those Russkies may have invaded Georgia, but it ain't gonna happen here!"
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From: Bin Laden, Osama (Corporate Level) To: All Al Qaeda Fighters Subject: The Cave (Do Not Distribute Outside The Organization). Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come together as a group and I love that! However, while we continue to fight a Jihad in this New Year, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns: First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota ..have you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal toaster). Second , it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the sh!t out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks. Third : Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on the front and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying. Fourth : I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant "Ossy, Ossy, Ossy, Oy, Oy, Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks. Five : Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F*CKS DONKEYS" on the group toilet wall. It's a lie, the donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain. Six : The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, there is a grey area.) Finally , we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave. Love you lots, Group Hug. Os.
ROTFLMFAO 
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Topic:
How do you pronounce it?
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Topic:
A Quick Rejoinder
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I was listening to the radio the other day, and I heard one of the all-time best comeback lines in my life. This is (allegedly) an exact replication of the National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and a US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a boy scout troop visiting his military installation. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?" GENERAL REINWALD; We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting." FEMALE INTERVIEWER; "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?" GENERAL REINWALD; 'I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range." FEMALE INTERVIEWER; "don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?" GENERAL REINWALD; " I don't see how . We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm." FEMALE INTERVIEWER; "But you're equipping them to become violent killers." GENERAL REINWALD; "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?" The radio went silent and the interview ended.
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This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage. Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again during the entrees. They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels another rumbling, but doesn't want to look like a complete bathroom freak, so he holds it. After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit of gas stored up. He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at the table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little surprise. "Oh crap," he thinks (and feels). Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero immediately leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this surprise. He maintains this yoga position for the rest of dessert, trying to figure out what to do before his tan pants (a) start to smell, or (b) start to show stains on the outside. He quickly pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant. Oh, by the way, he is walking like a cowboy. On the way to the train station, they pass the Gap. "Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at last week?" he asks. "No problem, I'd like to look around too," she replies. They go into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men's fashions are on the right, women's fashions are on the left. They split up. Our hero grabs the first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the khakis. After selecting a pair that most closely resemble his current outfit, he brings both items to the register. His eyes are on his date (still on the other side of the store) to make sure that she doesn't see him buying the pants. He doesn't even want the sweater, so he says through clenched teeth (just in case his date can read lips from 40 feet away) "Just the pants." "What?" asks the Gap girl. "Just the pants!" (Eyes still trained on his date.) Gap girl: "Oh, OK." He pays for the pants and walks over to his date; then they leave the store. They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two seats in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car. He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off his pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out the window. After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out... Just the sweater.
ROFLMFAO
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