One day I was in an elevator all by myself. That day I had a foot long burrito. All of a sudden I feel the burrito kickin in. It was trying to make a comeback. I still had like ten levels to go on the elevator. So I decided to rip a fart out. All of a sudden the elevator stops, the door opens and this mean looking lady walks in. About 30 seconds later it started to reek. It was one of those time released farts. As soon as the lady smelled it she turned around and said, "Did you fart?" Of course I did, I replied. You think I smell like this everyday. It was so hilarious.

You might have to take him to court to change the name on his birth certificate.
LOL

WhoIAm just came out of the closet.

Just get a hotel the 2 of you.

I use to be Catholic. They are one of the most hypocritical religions out there. It's just about making money and molesting kids.

Did you know that it's not good to eat beans and onions?
Why?
Because you will get tear gas!!!!

Iba un nino bien asustado corriendo hacia su mama y le dice "mama, mama, es cierto que nos podemos comer la luz?"
"No mijo, por que?" Es que mi papa le dijo anoche a la sirvienta "Apaga la luz que te la vas a comer toda".

That guy is my cousin. We call him "Ojitos"

Italy

Obama is the first black man to beat a white woman (Hillary) and get away with it.

I keep saying "no" to drugs but they don't listen

Pit Bulls are the best.

Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes. About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or girls so don’t know if you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down. Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.Love, Ma

Hi, I'm an alien from outer space. I have transformed myself into this message. As you read this message I'm having sex with you through your eyes. I know you are enjoying it because you are smiling. Please pass me on to somebody else because I'm really horny. Thanks.

It smells so bad that my tongue went numb and my nose started bleeding!!

Use the shower curtains.

I have a violent case of explosive diarrhea. What should I take?

If you get an oriental man and spin him around a few times, will he become disoriented?

If a mute swears, will his mom wash his hands with soap?

Fake