how do i do it???

lol thanks waterloo, that was my attempt at humor...
i had a guy email me once saying that i was a dumb blond that didnt know anything about football, and i know he posts in the sports threads, so i leave special remarks like that one juuust for him.

Auction off The person above you, describe their best features and see what you can get for them! As soon as that person is sold they auction off whoever won them!

This is going to be a CRAZY game! I'm even more excited for the home game later this season. I've been a packer fan my whole life, but I've also been a Favre fan since he started back in the day. I predict a Vikings win, and I'm just hoping the packers defense can step it up so Aaron rodgers doesn't get killed

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud..
These are real notes written by parents in the Memphis school district..
Spellings have been left intact.


1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce Lisa for being absent she was sick and I had her shot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse Roland from p.e for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8.. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea Direathe the *****.

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15. I kept Bill I.e. Home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday. We thought it was Sunday.

17. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse Brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.


Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids

seperated for 5 years? why not divorced? that just seems like a really long time...
im recently divorced... june first it was final~~! yay....

This joke is hilarious if told right.... its hard to do online... but try doing it out loud.

How many vietnam vets does it take to screw in a light bulb?

(get in their face and scream)
YOU DON'T KNOW, YOU WEREN'T FVCKING THERE!!!!

3 Men are standing at the gates of heaven, talking to St peter, waiting to get in.
St peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife when you were alive?"
The guys says, "i was an avid christian, always faithful, never cheated
so st peter tells him he gets to drive a porsche around in heaven.
The second guy steps up and st peter asks him the same question, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
the guys seems bashful, but answers honestly, "a few, not a lot but i did cheat."
St peter tells him its wrong to cheat but he appreciates the honesty, and gives him the keys to a buick. not a piece of crap, but its no porshe.
The third guy steps up and st peter tells him not to even bother guessing at a number. " you cheated on your wife 84 times" st peter tells him. "here are the keys to your piece of junk truck"
So the three guys are in heaven, driving around, and the guy in the pos truck drives by the guy in the porshe. he's sitting in his shiny new car, crying his eyes out. "whats wrong with you? you're in heaven driving around a nice new porsche, what can you possibly have to cry about?"
The guy turns to him and says, "yeah, but my wife just flew past me on a pair of roller skates."

So there are a three roosters on a farm.
A straight rooster
a retarded rooster,
and a gay rooster,
They wake up in the morning, and the straight rooster says
"**** a doodle doooo"
The retarded rooster doesnt know whats going on and he says
"doodle doodle ****"
The gay rooster goes...
"any **** will dooooo"

So this old guy is sitting out on his porch one morning, and his neighbor, Johnny come walking down the street with some chicken wire. "what the hell are you doing with that?" he asks johnny. "Well, I'm going to catch me some chickens," johnny says. "you cant catch chickens with chicken wire what are you thinking?" says the old man. Later that day, here comes johnny, handfull of chicken wire, handfull of chickens. "how the hell did you do that?" asks the old man.
the next morning, johnny comes walking down the streeet with a roll of duct tape. "oh lord what now?" asks the old man. "goin to catch me some ducks," jonny tells him. "jonny you cant catch ducks with duct tape" says the old man. Later that day here comes jonny, hand full of duct tape, hand full of ducks. the old man is shocked.
the next morning, here comes jonny with a box of fishsticks. "what the hell are you doing with those?" asks the old man.
"Im going fishing" johnny tells him. later that day, here comes jonny, empty fishstick box and a hnd full of fish. "wow, you're good" says the old man.
The next morning, jonny comes walking down the street dragging some weeds behind him. "what do you have there?" the old man asks. "i got me some pvssy willow" says jonny.
"let me grab my boots." the old man says

My 4 year old told me she had a baby in her belly, and I stopped dead in my tracks. She continued to say that it isn't going to come out of her belly until she gets married, because that makes sense lol

Update!!!
I bought her a peeing doll, and had her show her doll how to go on the potty... seems too simple almost! It's been 3 weeks with no accidents!!!

Thanks for the input everyone!

I haven't done the professional hearing test because of the fact that when I say a word she WANTS to hear, she magically can hear everything I say. lol.

My little girl is about half way potty trained. She goes on the potty when she feels like it, but if she's playing or doesn't want to go, she just goes in her pull up. How did you potty train your children?

Diabetes run in my family, so I'm always very careful about what my kids eat and drink. Just out of curiousity, how much sugar is too much sugar?

ok I know all about terrible 2's, but my daughter, who will be 3 in October, just flat out ignores me sometimes! I'll say her name 4 times, then finally have to say something like "sucker" or "park" to make sure she isn't deaf! Those words always get her attention, but if I need her for something, I might as well be talking to a brick wall!
Any suggestions??

leaving? why? i was just gonna hook you up with my ex husband~ lol jk.

You should change your marital status to divorced... because, honey, we're divorced now!

I have a family member who has a huge problem. Her son, who recently turned 18, has been secretly dating the neighbor girl, who is 14. These neighbors have been close family friends since before this little girl was born, and HER parents are happy about the situation. HIS parets, my aunt and uncle, are worried sick about the situation. He is supposed to be starting college in the fall, going for eduaction. Something like this could mess up his whole life, but he says he doesn't care. They are torn. They don't want him to get mad and move out, and skip out on school, but they also don't want to just turn their heads and let it happen.