One day Ole, in his pickup pulling his trailer, was broad-sided by a
>>> semi.
>>> Later, in court, he was being questioned by the semi driver's
>>> lawyer.
>>>
>>> Lawyer: Did you not say, sir, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
>>> fine'?
>>>
>>> Ole: Vell, I tell ya vot happen. I had yust loaded Bessie, my
>>> faverit mule
>>> in der trailer .
>>>
>>> Lawyer (interrupting): I did not ask for details, sir. Please just
>>> answer
>>> the question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
>>> fine'?
>>>
>>> Ole: Vell, I yust got Bessie into der trailer and vas driven down
>>> der roat
>>> and ...
>>>
>>> Lawyer (interrupting): Judge, I am trying to establish the fact
>>> that, at
>>> the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman at
>>> the scene
>>> that he was just fine. Now, several weeks after the accident he is
>>> trying
>>> to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to
>>> simply
>>> answer the question 'yes' or 'no'.
>>>
>>> Judge: I am interested in what he has to say about his favorite
>>> mule,
>>> Bessie, as it may be relevant to the case. Ole, you may continue
>>> with your
>>> answer.
>>>
>>> Ole: I thank ya, honor. Vell, as I vas sayin', I had yust loaded
>>> Bessie,
>>> my faverit' mule, inta der trailer and was headin' down der highway
>>> ven dis
>>> huuuuge semi-truck ran der stop sign and smacked inta my truck on
>>> der right
>>> side. I vas trown inta one ditch and Bessie inta der other ditch.
>>> I vas
>>> hurtin' real bad; and, I could hear Bessie on der other side
>>> groanin', too.
>>> I could tell she vas in terrible shape yest by her moanin' and
>>> groanin'.
>>>
>>> Den der comes dis Highway Patrolman. He could hear Bessie
>>> moanin' and
>>> groanin', so went over at her. After seein' her condition he takes
>>> out his
>>> gun and shoots her right between der eyes. I think that was good
>>> for
>>> Bessie. But den he come across the road, da gun in his hand, and
>>> ask me,
>>> 'How are you feelin'? So, vat would you say??
>>

One day Ole, in his pickup pulling his trailer, was broad-sided by a
>>> semi.
>>> Later, in court, he was being questioned by the semi driver's
>>> lawyer.
>>>
>>> Lawyer: Did you not say, sir, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
>>> fine'?
>>>
>>> Ole: Vell, I tell ya vot happen. I had yust loaded Bessie, my
>>> faverit mule
>>> in der trailer .
>>>
>>> Lawyer (interrupting): I did not ask for details, sir. Please just
>>> answer
>>> the question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
>>> fine'?
>>>
>>> Ole: Vell, I yust got Bessie into der trailer and vas driven down
>>> der roat
>>> and ...
>>>
>>> Lawyer (interrupting): Judge, I am trying to establish the fact
>>> that, at
>>> the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman at
>>> the scene
>>> that he was just fine. Now, several weeks after the accident he is
>>> trying
>>> to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to
>>> simply
>>> answer the question 'yes' or 'no'.
>>>
>>> Judge: I am interested in what he has to say about his favorite
>>> mule,
>>> Bessie, as it may be relevant to the case. Ole, you may continue
>>> with your
>>> answer.
>>>
>>> Ole: I thank ya, honor. Vell, as I vas sayin', I had yust loaded
>>> Bessie,
>>> my faverit' mule, inta der trailer and was headin' down der highway
>>> ven dis
>>> huuuuge semi-truck ran der stop sign and smacked inta my truck on
>>> der right
>>> side. I vas trown inta one ditch and Bessie inta der other ditch.
>>> I vas
>>> hurtin' real bad; and, I could hear Bessie on der other side
>>> groanin', too.
>>> I could tell she vas in terrible shape yest by her moanin' and
>>> groanin'.
>>>
>>> Den der comes dis Highway Patrolman. He could hear Bessie
>>> moanin' and
>>> groanin', so went over at her. After seein' her condition he takes
>>> out his
>>> gun and shoots her right between der eyes. I think that was good
>>> for
>>> Bessie. But den he come across the road, da gun in his hand, and
>>> ask me,
>>> 'How are you feelin'? So, vat would you say??
>>

THE THREE LITTLE PIGS

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is.
They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came
to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials
for his home. She read, 'and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow
full of straw and said: "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build
my house?"

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ... 'I think the man
would have said -- 'Well, I'll be damned!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room.

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon < SPAN style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%"> when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so , it's n ot my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Wheeling . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

still need that zipper........

sad but true....

Will do darlin'........I missed u 2 & the ol gang

Doin good darlin & you?......

Thought I'd drop in 2 dust of my throne, ajust my crown & get fitted for a new robe.....

ok ....wheres the guest book...

I be here.....

awwwwww sprite I always believed in you.. ....

I believe...... but then I believe in Santa too...... Still want that special stockin stuffer this yr......

Am I 2 late 4 the roll??

is it roll time yet??

I think it be me.....

Applying for the Gynecologist Assistant Job:

A young man goes into the Job Center in Phoenix , Arizona ; and
sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he
goes to learn more - "Can you give me some more details?" he asks the clerk.

The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the
ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their
underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply
shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that
they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. There's an annual
salary of $45,000, but you're going to have to go to San Diego , CA ;
that's about 355 miles from here."

"Oh, is that where the job is?"

"No sir - that's where the end of the line is right now."

Dinwiddie......gotta pipe in sunshine here.....

zipper for my jeans....busted mine....

XXX Tequilla

Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a
> room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so
> badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them
> stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

>
> The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the
> next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all
> bloodshot. The other two said, 'Man, what happened to
> you?'

> He said, 'Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and
> watched him all night.'

> The next night it was the second guy's turn. In the
> morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all
> bloodshot. The other two said, 'Man, what happened to
> you? You look awful!'


> He said, 'Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and
> watched him all night.'

> The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly
> ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he
> came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. 'Good
> morning,' he said. The other two couldn't believe
> it! He looked rested and wide awake. They asked, 'Man,
> what happened?'

> He said, 'Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked
> Daryl into bed, patted his butt and kissed him good night...
> Daryl sat up and watched me all night.

Why Friends Split Up

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore
and I'd have to quit.

Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up,
$150.00 for a cut and color, $30.00 for a manicure,
$40.00 for a pedicure, $50.00 on vitamins, $300.00
on clothes and $600.00 for a gym membership.

I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her.
She said she needed it to look pretty for me.

I told her that's what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back...