638

Hummus

As Confucius once said ... "I'm confused."

656

Posteriffic

Like she said, might depend.

If I'm not in a rush, I'd probably point out the error.

Most meals probably wouldn't be more than a $1-2 difference in price anyways, so I'd probably just eat it regardless unless they did something like coat it in mayo or salad dressing (I don't like eating those)

The OP is quite right, the proportion of "fake" profiles to "real" profiles on this site is quite staggering.

657

663

Nope. Not real.

I'm just the imaginary byproduct of the mass delusion of humanity.

682

would probably explain a lot about me ... and why I should duck more ...

A gorgeous redhead goes into the doctor's office and says her body hurts
wherever she touches it.

"Impossible" says the doctor. "Show me"

The redhead takes her finger pushes on her left breast and screams,

then she pushes on her elbow and screams in even more agony.

She pushes her knee and screams, then she pushes on her thigh and more
screaming.

Pushes her ankle more screams and everywhere she touches makes her
scream.

The Doctor says, "You're not really a redhead are you?"

"Well, no", she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so", the doctor says,

"Your finger is broken."

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "

She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.

Finally, she looked up at Tim.

"How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.

His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little ****, O'Conner," says Sean,

"He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself; didn't you have something in your hand?"

That I did," said Paddy.

"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"

"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.

"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

684

686

play forum games