A guy walks into a Bar and looks at a sign on the wall that reads: $50 if you make my donkey laugh!

The guy thinks he can do it, so he goes out back to the donkey, to try his luck.

A few minutes later the bar owner goes and sees his donkey laughing his guts out.

The barman goes over to the man and says how did you do it.

The man replies. "I can't tell you it's a secret, just give me my $50 bucks.

The next day this same guy goes back the bar, and finds another sign that reads: $50 if you make my donkey cry

Again, the man thinks he can do it, so back he goes out to the donkey.

A short time later, the bar owner now finds his donkey balling it's eyes out.

"How did you do that" The bar keep demands.

The man says. "I really shouldn't tell you, but since your going to pay me another $50 dollars, what the heck".

"It was really very simple to make your donkey laugh, I told him that I had a bigger penis than he did".

"To make him cry, I proved it"!!!

Three hillbillies were sitting on the porch. The first hillbilly said "My wife is so dumb, yesterday she drug home a brand new washer and dryer, and we ain't even got electricity!" The second hillbilly said "My wife is stupider than yers, yesterday she brings home a new dishwasher, and we ain't even got runnin water!"

The third hillbilly said "My wife is even stupider! Yesterday I was in the kitchen and I saw her purse on the table. Everything was spilled out of it and there was a bunch of rubbers layin there... and she ain't even got a ****!"

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.
Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"

"Yes, Bubba, that is true."

"And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries ... is that true, mister lawyer?"

"Sure is Bubba, but why do you ask?"

"Cause I was thinkin' .... maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've been wakin' up with!"

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee. So they decided to stop in a nearby cemetery. Having nothing to wipe with, one of them thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceded on home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said "These damn girl's nights out have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!"

"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck between the crack of her butt that said "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."

Two Indians and a Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudden, one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and then he listened very closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about. Was the other Indian crazy or what? "No," said the Indian. "It is our custom during mating season. When Indian men see cave, they holler, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate." Just then they saw another cave. The Indian ran up to the opening of the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was an answering "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave. He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then he came upon a great big cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He grinned and closed his eyes in anticipation, and then he heard the answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO!WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!" With a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran. The following day, the headline of the Local Newspaper read, "NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN"

A Cajun walks into a bar with A pet alligator by his side.
> >
> > He puts the alligator up on the bar.
> >
> > He turns to the astonished patrons.
> >
> > "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my
> > manhood inside
> >
> >
> > Then the gator will close his Mouth for one minute.
> >
> > "Then he'll open his mouth
> >
> > And I'll remove my unit unscathed.
> >
> > In return for witnessing this Spectacle, Each of you will buy me a drink."
> >
> >
> > The crowd murmured their approval.
> >
> > The man stood up on the bar,
> >
> > Dropped his trousers,
> >
> > And placed his Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth.
> >
> > The gator closed his mouth
> >
> > As the crowd gasped.
> >
> > After a minute,
> >
> > The man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the Alligator hard on the top of its head.
> >
> > The gator opened his mouth
> >
> > And the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
> >
> > The crowd cheered, And the first of his free Drinks were delivered.
> >
> >
> > The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's
> > willing to give it a try."
> >
> > A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
> >
> > A Blonde woman timidly Spoke up......... "I'll try it -
> >
> > Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"

A Priest is downtown when a hooker walks up, "Hey father, head, $10.00."

The Priest didn't understand and went back to the church.

He asks a nun, "What's head?"

The nun says, "$10.00, same as downtown!"

John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

John says, "Well, give me some examples."

Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key into the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me."

"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."

Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"

John proceeds to say, "Well, first, before I do anything else, I lick the lock."

I know that store lol

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple' s house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. 'What are you doing?' the mother-in-law asked. 'I am waiting for my husband to come home from work,' the daughter-in-law replied. 'Why are you naked?' asked the mother-in-law. 'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law replied. 'LOVE DRESS! You are naked,' said the mother-in-law. 'But my husband loves it when I wear this dress. It makes him happy and he makes me happy,' said the daughter-in-law. 'I would appreciate your leaving now because my husband will be home any minute,' the daughter-in-law continued. Soured by all of this romantic stuff, the mother-in-law left. On the way home, she thought about the 'LOVE DRESS' and got an idea. She undressed, showered, applied her best perfume, and waited by the door for her husband to come home. Finally, the pickup truck drove up the drive way, and she took her place by the door. The father-in-law opened the door, and immediately saw his wife naked by the door. 'What are you doing?' he asked. 'This is my love dress,' the mother-in-law replied. 'Needs ironing,' he replied

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water.

Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in 'the act'.

Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"

Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees.

Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town.

Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.

Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

That had to be not much fun Heather...Sorry to hear that

Humor in the Restroom - The Wisdom you can find on the Walls


1. Friends don't let their friends take home a ugly men. from n a Women's restroom in Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE.

2. Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" in a -from a Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia. Remember

3. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. in from a Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina

4. Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married! From a a -Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana

5. A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. from a -Women's restroom, ****'s Last Resort, Dallas, Texas

6. No wonder you always go home alone. From a Sign over mirror in Men's restroom at Beverly Hills, CA

7. Beauty is only a light switch away in a restroom in the -Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.

8. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. from the -The Irish Times, Washington, DC

9. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Flagstaff, Arizona.

10. If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. From Revolution Books, New York, New York

11, Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. from a -Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

12. Please don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy and hard to light. --The Janitor

13. What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands. in a -Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, KY

A man goes into an empty bar and orders a beer, and as he's walking around he sees a table about 6' x 4' with some lines marked 6"-10" from one edge.

Next to each line there are initials. So the man says to the bartender "What are all those marks on that table?"

"It's a game the locals play, they pull out their ****s, stretch them a far as they can and mark a line."

This man is hung like a horse and reckons he can beat all the lines he's seen and asks if he can have a go, "sure" came the reply.

As he pulled out his **** it's a clear winner by about 3". He starts to mark his line down when the bartender said: "No mate, the locals start from the other side"

60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

A farmer in Arkansas and his wife were lying in bed one evening, she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looks up from the page and says to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"

She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah? Prove it."

He frowns for a moment, then says, "O.K." He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.

About half an hour later he returns all tired and sweaty and says, "Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig squealed, it's hard to tell."

TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long
relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely
outgoing. Loves to help people in
times of need. Good kisser. Good
personality. Stubborn. A caring person. One of a kind. Not one to mess
with. Are the most attractive
people on earth!
15 years of bad luck if you do not
forward.

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." So the daughter did and her hands warmed up. The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend and the boyfriend said "My hands are freezing cold." The girl said "Put them between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm them up". So he did and warmed his hands. The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up." So he did and his nose began to get warm. He lifted his head up from between the girls legs and said "Do you know what? I think my penis is frozen solid" The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?" The daughter replies, "Well they make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"