I'm high anxiety and have extreme ADHD and I was hardwired for stress since birth. I see my therapist twice a week and I have a counseling life coach. Both my therapist and my life coach tell me that what I'm seeking in domestic discipline is valid. For consequences for my actions to be disciplined helps and I know by experience I can wrap my head around the normal maintenance discipline but everything else I follow the rules so I don't acquire more punishment. It keeps me in line it keeps me in check it makes me feel like I just work 10 hours at the gym. It humbles me and it builds structure I take it strictly as therapy please don't think it's anything sexual cuz it's not If it is it's because you're thinking of it that way Just wish I could be pointed in the right direction since my insurance won't cover those type of sessions I live in Portland Oregon

Are we talking about Dom/Sub relationship?

No not at all I'm a dominant alpha male I'm not into bondage I'm not in the pain I'm not into humiliation I found in my past relationships that a sound spanking once a week humbles me and it helps me focus nothing sexual it's strictly therapeutic If there's any hint of sexual ity it's because of the people put it there not me so to answer your question no it is not a Dom sub relationship It's somebody who loves me and cares for me and sees how it helps me in day-to-day life

No

Normally I would not recommend drugs for anybody because they often cause other problems. But in this case where therapy has not solved the problem I would suggest there are some drugs that may help control the anxiety. Otherwise it shouldn't be too hard to find a woman who wears the pants in the family, it's actually pretty common.

So I'm guessing you need a no-nonsense woman who's in charge of the relationship?

Prison.
You wouldn't even have to ask them to smack you.

Thanks man yeah I been in past relationships that's how I know it works And yeah they're giving me drugs right now I take 40 mg of Adderall a day and they got me on Zoloft I hate popping pills but I have to take other medication for my low blood pressure so I tricked my mind into saying I have to take a blood pressure pill so I'll take the other ones. Anyways thanks for not being condescending or rude towards my comment I've posted something like this before and everybody just said I was a basket case and I needed help.

Just go sit in the corner.

I'm thinking you may not have the right view of a BDSM relationship.
Many people that are in the lifestyle are for a reason, some similar to yours.
Some find tremendous peace from it, relaxation, a letting go of. An enormous release. Which then helps them to function normally and properly in day to day life.
It can actually help to feel yourself, calm and happy.
If a solid spanking helps you, you are in a way into pain as a good spanking is not for the faint of heart.
Pain in BDSM is not to deliberately hurt someone and cause them distress or harm. It's not like beating someone up, nor out of anger.
It's the most controlled loving thing, in a way even more based on love than a regular relationship.
That is because it requires tremendous amount of mutual trust. Not just from the one that is in the sub role, but also the one who's the D, in equal measure. That's cos he/she must be able to rely on the feedback of the sub so he/she doesn't truly hurt them and is able to give them what they need, not more, not less.

If you do not wish this in a love relationship as it's purely about the discipline, not sex, then you could find a Dominatrix you see every now and then.
All can be catered to your needs.

No I want a loving caring hand to do it like in my past relationship to actually but my last one lasted the longest almost 2 and 1/2 years of a 6-year relationship. No I have gone and seeked out dominatrix and it takes away from it I don't want to pay for it I want somebody to enjoy doing it at the same time see how much it helps me and do it out of love like that's what I experienced in the past never a million years what I thought but my ex would have been into it I think she enjoyed it more than me after a while

I'm wondering why you trust these counselors with your contentment? It seems to me (from what you have written) you are not really 'fixing' your mental condition, merely enabling it.

Nobody is 'hardwired' for stress since birth. Stress and anxiety are learned conditions adopted after the age of reasoning. You can't know you are stressed until you can compare the stress conditions to non-stressed conditions. Clearly you were subjected to mental or physical abuse in your early childhood. Its an environmental condition not a genetic one.

Attention deficit means your mind works faster than the stimulus you are encountering. You have problems focusing your thoughts which can be a genetic condition which was reinforced by your environment.

I suggest you find both a psychiatrist and a psychologist who work together with the right drug and the correct counseling.

As for discipline, physical pain is not an effective disciple in and of itself. Discipline is the act of changing a conditioning. Its something you learn not something you do. Its how you master your abilities and learn new ones.

Many people raised by parents who don't understand actual discipline believe 'discipline' needs to always be negative and painful "to drive the point". This is wrong and abusive. It can create 'monsters'. True discipline is both positive and negative but seldomly physically abusive.

As parents, the X and I spanked our children when they were 3-5 years old. We had a house rule that we would never spank more than up to three swats on the bottom and only when they were about to hurt themselves. Most of the time a single swat was effective to change their behavior. It was our opinion, any more than 3 swats and it was for our pleasure, not for the child's benefit.
Once they reached the age of reasoning, the spankings were not as effective as when we took the time to explain and teach them.
Oh, there were times when my boys pissed me off and the got hit but that too was effective for the teen driven behavior.
All in all tho, in my family, love was the teacher.

You believing you NEED to be spanked from time to time means you are not learning the discipline in life you believe you should be learning and need a physical reinforcement to put you back on track.
The problem with that is when you don't get that physical reinforcement, you allow your life to tumble out of your control.
This tells me the discipline you think you are getting is not an effective discipline.

In your mind, you must think you need someone else to keep you aligned.
Most people are not looking for someone they have to teach. They want someone who is able to function on their own. You want to be a kept man.
At your age, you should be able to keep yourself.

There are many types of women and many types of men. I believe most don't want a child in an adult body who they have to care for as children.

To each their own. Personally I don't really care what you do. My relationship with my gf is a strong mature relationship between two adults who have already raised our own families. We don't need (or want) to have to keep one another in line.

Anxiety, depression, addiction can all be passed thru genes or can occur from tragic events or learned behavior. I do not agree with Tom making this out like because the things he has done in life makes him 'normal' and others 'not normal'. That seems 'selfish' to me which is also passed thru genes as well as learned. At this point it doesn't really matter how much of it was inherited, and how much was picked up over time. It has much more to do with learning to adapt to the conditions that exist and alter the brain to recondition itself.

The anxiety can cause a manic state where there are highs and then crashes into a depressive state. I can also trigger a fight or flight response. If the anxiety is not controlled it can lead to rage. This seems like this fetish of being spanked would be counter intuitive like maybe the anxiety and ADHD is just an excuse for justifying the fetish? Or it could be based on something that happened in the past?

First thing to always look at is diet, exercise, lifestyle. If the high blood pressure a result of anxiety and ADHD? Is it diet based? Is it inherited? Often time stimulating the brain without over doing it can relive much of the problem, it's all got to do with dopamine and endorphins and how the brain processes everything. The drugs listed are aimed more at depression so I wonder if the doctor really knows what they are doing or just chasing an easy buck? I would consider look into other doctors.

As far as councilors go what they do is council, not treat. And it is much like a drug addiction where you have to want change, and hopefully can change brain activities to become a little more normal. Drug treatment often fails several times before it takes, that's why they also call it drug counseling instead of drug treatment, and the brain has rewired itself to adapt over time so it can take awhile to get to normalcy. Often learning better ways to deal with the problem and avoid certain situations is the best bet.

It's not that I'm just trusting my coaches and my counselors I actually told them about it because I've experienced it in two of my past relationships the last one I was spanked weekly for two and a half years and then it just all of a sudden abruptly ended and I'm finding now that how much it helped

It's not that I'm just trusting my coaches and my counselors I actually told them about it because I've experienced it in two of my past relationships the last one I was spanked weekly for two and a half years and then it just all of a sudden abruptly ended and I'm finding now that how much it helped

No I'm talking about domestic discipline my ex fiance was by no means a dominant but she saw how structure and me not wanting consequences for my actions cuz I could wrap my head around a maintenance banking but it was the extra that always was hard to take and the thought and knowing all through the week that if I don't follow through with what I'm supposed to do there is consequences. For a year and a half my attendance at work was 100% the first time in my life

Just to make decisions not really in charge I'm a dominant alpha that's why it would need somebody who's comfortable and giving me consequences for not falling through with things I'm supposed to

I don't like pain I don't want it be cut or pinched or burned. I found in past experience that a maintenance spanking I would receive over the knee for about 5 minutes. And then receive four sets of 15 usually in two different positions but sometimes multiple positions now say if I missed a day of work or I didn't take my medicine or I didn't mow the lawn all things that I am already doing and things that need to be done. So if I don't do those things and I there would be an added 25 swats of her choosing and the first couple months yeah we were playing around with it but it became real and it became just routine every Saturday morning and I was honest with my actions mainly they were just things I'm already expected to do The last year and a half of that relationship I never missed one day at work and that was unheard of for me upon other things I was able to focus and get my tasks done on time cuz I knew every Wednesday I would be given either a reminder spanking leading up to Saturday maintenance.

Listen to this podcast! I think it might help

https://youtu.be/tB0sxKXODPc

have you send me a message in my inbox with that address I think I probably already watched it cuz I've scoured YouTube for spanking therapy I can't copy and paste it and when I try to enter it in to the website it just says nothing found and I've checked it over and