WHO?????

well, im off to bed hun, i will catch you later ok?

Sure.
Good night.

lol, ill be back tomorrow, i swear, nite

Ok, me too. Just don't know what time. Never do. LOL

Oh man. Saying that you are heavy-set yourself while at the same time saying that you are unwilling to date heavier-set women is like someone saying that they smoke Camel Lights but are unwilling to date someone who smokes Camel Regulars because the filter is not as effective.

You are, to some extent, asking for that which you yourself are not willing to provide. And since when did insecurities find a home exclusively in the heavy-set? Have you read the papers lately? I mean, it's like a daily routine--some Hollywood "Perfect" going into rehab for the first, second, seventh time.

That and you are generalizing, which you yourself seem to be asking people NOT to do. Have you conducted a poll to find out how many heavy-set women are insecure? In the end, you seem to want people to take you "as is" while at the same time not wanting to accept people as they are.


-Drew

Seems women are not the only ones that are superficial....When is it or if ever that People stop looking at the outside of others, Specially comeing from a FAT GUY.....seems people need to grow up....

show some tact lady

It took you an hour to figure that out?

Or just in the ad breaks?


The outside is the housing, for the Who of someone....nothing more, if that happens to be visually pleasing... it's a bonus.



Take a whole day, maybe you will figure out, your poor me attitude sucks.

its simply a preference drew, like i prefer a dodge pick up , over a chevy, now just because its potentially a mortal sin!!! lol, doesnt mean i discriminate !! apparentely everyone seems to think i discriminate, and i wish i could delete thise whole mess

the add breaks, and i though i figured that out, as for the question, it was a simple question, no poor me attitude, thank you for your input though

as far as any one else goes, you know, its so easy to try to tear the guy apart that has a simple question apart huh?? what, cuz your fat?!?!? hello, im fat!!! since posting this question ive change my freakin profile, so stop your childish tantrums and insults and just let it go. It really sickens me to see so many stand up and attack one person just because of one question. I didnt say anything wrong. And i sure as heck never said i wouldnt date a fat woman, but now im getting message after message after message. Its sickening!!! grow the heck up!! every time you point a finger, theres three more pointing right back at you. And heres a little hint, your attacking me because of your insecurities. I attacked no one, i am secure with my self, i have dated many skinny women, and many heavy set women, i dont have a dating problem so to speak, i just wanted to see what people would say. So ladee friggin daa. get real, peace the freak out. (i hate mornings)

Hmmmm...and on to the original post. You said that you don't like to date bigger girl. Guess it is all about personal preference, huh? Don't go hating on others when you have some of the same preferences.

Dated men of all shapes and sizes. My ex is heavy. Weighed about 260 lbs when we got married. He is only 5'8", so you can all figure that one out. My current beau is on the thinner side from what I am usually attracted to. I try to look at what is on the inside.

Whoa, hold on a sec, man.

Yes, you asked a question--and a number of people gave you their take. Now you want them to all stop??? You cannot un-ring a bell and you cannot un-ask a question. I am somewhat surprised that YOU are surprised by their answers.

Had I said:

"Hey, community--I have a job managing others. I also have a boss who manages me. I don't like to work hard, don't really see why I should, but oh my how I expect it from my staff, so what do you all think, I'm not discriminating, I just prefer to work less than that which I reqire." Any thoughts?

What the hell would I expect? I would expect much of what you got. I would expect people might point that if I were expecting something from someone that I was not expecting from myself, then I might be a bit off base.

One more thing. I know that there are some women and some men who view being overweight as purley a physical deal-killer. Being that many love to chime in about how people should be "accepted for how they are" (purely a double standard in that you woudld not say the same about someone who wa a raging alcoholic--even if that is just "who they are") consider my experience.

I have a good friend who works with me and who once said "If my husband became obese, I'd put down my expectations and he'd have to change." At first I was angered by that. I really thought, "Damn, lady, where is your heart?" But she explained it to me this way.

"Drew, I love my husband, very much. But I need him around, for our kids, for our here and now, and for our future. I need him to be healthy so that we can do those things that we enjoy, so that he isn't riddled with sickness before the age of 40 and so we have a healthy relationship. It's not purely about the physical, it's also about his being willing to be around for us, and valuing how hard it would be if he were not."

I thought about that for a few days and you know, she has a very fair point. I don't blame women at all for not wanting to date a heavier guy (and I'm not in any danger of blowing away with the next gust of wind.) I don't blame them one bit. How I take care of myself might very well be an initial indictor of how I take care of other things--like finances, career, my home, things like that. Not always, and sure, there are a number of exceptions.

Good luck and I didn't mean to go off on a rant, but you might want to consider your question on a deeper level and instead of lashing back at those who took the time to answer your question, consider whether or not you already had made up your mind regarding the answer.

-Drew

Drew,

i do appreciate everyones responces, and the only ones i have "lashed out at" are the ones who totally misconstrued what i said and put words in my mouth. I didnt right a topic that asked , "wont you please ridicule me as a human being because i asked a honest question and i feel like being a human punching bag verbally because of it." The majority of these people are actually enraged by this question, and there fore are speaking out of rage. Its like trying to hold a political debate, except with extra bs. Please do not take what i am saying as blatant disrespect, because i mean none where theres none due. I neither ridiculed anyone, nor made fun of anyone. I have remained level headed through all of this. I simply just wish i would not have typed anything at all. Im not a skinny guy pointing a finger and saying, your fat, i couldnt date you, im a 350 pound guy sitting here questioning why a heavy set man cant be attractive to a smaller woman. Any heavy set person who says they havent ever asked them selves the same question about the opposite gender is flatly lying. Every one at some point and timne has been made to feel that the way the way they look is not good enough for some one. and what, because i generalize it to a certain veriety of people i am the bad guy? and why , because i said it out loud?? Explain to me where what i said was wrong, because i am definately confused. I didnt want the opinions to stop, i wanted the ignorance to stop. an adult convo is just that, an adult convo. As for your friend , i understand her point, but theres still those vows, for better or worse, the only way i would react that way is if my better half was purposely sabotaging herself. As far as my weight goes in respects to how i treat my life, just because someones fat, does not mean they wont pay their bills , if that were the fact my sons mom would be morbidly obese. In closing , there isnt much thought in depth due to my original post because there was no depth meant in the original post to begin with . what i said is what i meant, nothing more, nothing less, letter for letter. Thank you for your opinions, and i wish you and your family a very happy holidays.

UM, so you think that a girl who starves herself to be thin is secure? You think a woman who constantly looks in the mirror primping and grooming is secure? If you're with a larger woman, who you find beautiful, maybe YOU can help her feel BETTER about herself. Maybe YOU can help her FEEL beautiful. Did you ever think about that? OR maybe they just don't find YOU to be attractive b/c you obviously have some insecurity issues of your own.

In trying to better understand your take, I'll go back to my earlier point about there being a double standard. If you were to come to this community and say: "I met a wonderful woman. She's intelligent, funny, really seems to care for me, but she has a drug habit, so I'm not sure I can be with her," many if not all would probably understand your point, to the point of agreement. Some might suggest that you "help" her, but I doubt highly that anyone would say, "Hey, you need to learn to accept people as they are--get over yourself."

They would feel that way because everyone knows that a drug addiction can be dangerous and that it could have a very negative impact on your ability to form and maintain a good relationship. But with all of that stated, why do we make such an exception for issues surrounding weight? Can't weight be the result of an addiction to food? Can't it be the symptom of a bigger issue? Can't it lead to brutal health issues and take years from a person's life? Yes, without a doubt, but yet so many people swagger in with lines like "You should look at the "whole" person, accept them how they are made/born, and not judge."

But we do judge--each of us, daily. If my analogy is not perfect I can live with that, because it's not completely absurd either. And I don't think for one moment that a person who is overweight can't pay their bills, or go to work on time or be a good parent or any of that, and I never suggested that I did feel that way.

What I did suggest is that some might find someone who is significantly overweight problematic in a relationship. They might believe that it is a reflection of larger issues, not limited to esteem, intimacy, etc....

I'm not a thin guy so I'm not preaching here to anyone, least off all, you. But I do understand why someone who spends a lot of time taking care to be physically fit might look for and expect from someone the same in return. If that is an unpopular stance, rest knowing that it is simply my opinion--I'm not speaking for anyone else here.

And I wish you the same for a safe and happy holiday season.

-Drew

**shakes head** absolutely absurd, first of all i dont like tooth pics either, so ty, but once again, way to go on twisting me up!! have a great holiday!

ty drew, and my last comment wasnt directed at you

well as most people who know me here will agree...im fat and sassy and dont give 2 hoots what anyone thinks. i am confident in myself, i love me! dont give a damn if anyone else does. i tell it like it is. but, things said like in this thread are some of the reasons that bigger women are insecure about themselves. everyone has a right to their preferences...hell i got em, so who am i to judge? but, i dont close the door to the possibility of something else. at this point in my life, looks are secondary. i think sexy is an attitude. you get in life what you put out. if you piss and moan about your short comings or defaults, you are bringing them to attention. you are asking for comments and opinions. be yourself, if you dont love you, no one else can darlin! hell, none of us as good as we once were...but im as good once as i ever was hahaha