Probably not the right place to get advice but who knows.. I've been in a married, monogamous relationship for several years but things seem to be falling apart drastically, ie on the last thread. We've argued our whole life because we speak different love languages. She's a fantastic wife and I'm a pretty good husband. But we barely have any friends and no family nearby so I can't really ask anyone some fairly serious questions.

I've not been a perfect husband but lately it seems like I can't speak her language what-so-ever!! She wants me to feel guilty over things that happened 6 years ago. I try to live in the present but she seems to need my help to get out of the past. I keep trying to soothe her and make her feel loved but I never have the right words to say.. I'm really not a "words guy"..

And I know this is probably the wrong place to be asking but here goes.. How's the dating scene? I haven't dated anyone for several years and hear there's just a bunch of crazies out there.. Should I keep trying to reel things back in or just let it go? We've talked about divorce so many times but I don't think either one of us really wants to do it. And I want to keep my family together if for nothing else then for my kiddo. But I'm starting to lose faith that we'll ever get things right. How do you know when it's finally time to throw in the towel? TIA

I'll put in a few things I learned going through marital problems. At 50 years of age you can afford to put another year or 2 into trying to get your marriage better while still being able to recover from a divorce. You need to start with a trip to a marriage counselor. If your wife won't go with you, you still need to go yourself. You will need to identify what is good about your marriage as well as what isn't working. You alluded to something that happened in the past, you need to be willing to talk about that with your councilor. Be honest or you will just be wasting your time. I hope your marriage is worth saving and you both are willing to put in the hard work it will take!

Sounds just like mine was,I could do nothing right ,she argued about anything,we split after 50 years,been on here a year but not met anyone yet.

Mmmmm well I will sound like an azz here but I will say what is my thing. I look around and make sure my kids are taken care of, ask what the problem is. No good answer, Guess you could try to save. LOL Me I look up pat myself on the back and hollar NEXT! and move on......... If you don't like me for me, NEXT! Not gonna waste time trying to fix something that probably will never get fixed....... See ya!

I think if you date while you are trying to figure out your marriage
you are asking for trouble.

You might get someone willing to try you on for size but then
three people stand to get hurt.

As I agree with you on that. I just want be clear my way will not work for all. But it has worked for me. Married 4 times D ed 3 widower from one. so Yes I agree with you too many in the mix will spoil your ...........

This^^^^
If neither of you are happy end it. Staying together for kids is such a lame excuse. It usually means "I haven't the baws to get out of my relationship."
A child will grow up happier without his/her parents fighting and an ill vibe in the home, lots of stress etc. Nothing is as destructive for a child as that!
At least when you split the child can go with (I suspect) his/her mother and there will be peace in its home again so the child can begin to recover from all the misery.

If you want to stay in this relationship that doesn't work, fine, no skin of my nose. But don't expect it to work if it never did.
Like you said: different love languages. And it sounds she is growing increasingly unhappy as well.
Don't blame your wife, don't use excuses. Grow some, take responsibility for everyone involved and do the right thing.
And NO dating until you are out and have healed. Not smart.

Wow, I can't believe all the great responses you gave me. That's a lot to think about. And I feel like I've been in just about everyone of those stages/had those thoughts that you mention too.

So, either stay a couple more years trying to work things out or get divorced to let my child be at peace with one or the other parent.. which makes sense.. has already said that likes both parents but likes them individually.. but also constantly wants to pull us together because is unfortunately hearing the arguments and yelling. I hate that.

Don't date until things are different/healed.. agreed. definitely wasn't planning to anyway unless a divorce happens.

We've been to a few marriage counselors and online services, read books each night, pray together, church, tried date nights, etc. I tried buying her gifts.. she just wants me to say things from the heart that I just don't feel I guess. She wants me to just get all ushy-gushy with her and I really just don't understand what she wants even though she spells it out for me all the time..

I'd sometimes like to just walk away but there's so much time and dreams invested over the years.. it'd be so sad to let it all go.. but it probably(?) would be for the best.. just not sure what that last straw feels like.. I guess I'm part of the older generation where spouses used to just stay together no matter what..

I hope y'all find what you're looking for. Thanks again for taking the time to answer my questions.

Try a marriage counselor for a while. It couldn't hurt.

Marriage counseling Can work only if there is no third party involved???

Your post just seems all over the place. How long have you been married? You say
several years, then you reference your “whole lives”, then you refer to something
six years ago. Then you say you have no one to talk to for some serious questions,
and that question is “how’s the dating scene”? And then, you mention that you haven’t
dated in several years... I don’t know, just not feeling your vibe here, sorry.

Going to a dating site forum for advice on your marital problems? on your own?
That's not fair at all as we only hear your side of the story. What about her side
of the story? The fair thing to do is to beg your wife to join Mingle2 and share
her side of the story. Would you do that in the name of fairness?

Hi dude, Firstly to say I am unmarried. Even try to put my views here. It's just my opinion may be it works or may not be..

dude as u say she is fantastic wife.. that's means she has something positive who feels u like this.. whatever she has a beautiful fig. or smile or face.. whatever it is.. but she make u feel good.

Now about u.. u r pretty good husband.. that what everyone wanted.. No one want ROBOT or perfect one, it's will creating irritations.

so in my view U people as a couple are the best..

Now the things are stick on past 6 years.. haa.. Look every woman has a nature to collect all BAD and good memo.. specifically BAD.. which will comes again and again as in present or un nearby future...
U just except it and if u really did something wrong say to her.. I know it was My big mistake ever, but I m moving on.. but darling if u remind me again and again then how would I come out with that mistake.
I assure you will not repeat give me chance u know me since a long time.. then might be she will ready to give u chance..
even infact when she will again remind you in future make up ur mind, before she started again.. try to pretend before her reaction u still feel guilty, then only she believes you.

Now about friends and family..
look man.. it's all about ourselves..
like start with ur neighbors, no matter they are younger or elder.. start communicating with ur oldies friend.. try to get her gathered places ..
then definitely things will work out..


in last.. this is final or best easy way to break the relationship and get divorced.
If you are a LOOSER.. go ahead.. all the best!!

but if you are not.. Think out of the box.

Thanks
Regards
Ur wellwisher

Thanks All,

I think marriage counselling and maybe some church marriage groups would be most helpful at this time.

At first, I was thinking the marriage was probably over so wanting to move on. That's why I was asking about the dating scene.. It's been 27 years since I've dated anyone but my wife.. so, everyone I work with is divorced and seems happier that they did and moved on.. but it's hard to say because they haven't been married as long as I have and they usually have a wife that's been unfaithful. I don't have an unfaithful wife.. actually I have a pretty virtuous wife (too virtuous). I'm unfortunately the unfaithful one.. I got caught up in some "stuff" that I shouldn't have on the Internet 6 years ago but overcame it once identified. But there's still the desire for it.. no matter how much I fight it or God directs me- it's always there taunting.. I've really done a 180 but she always feels she's the one that's gone through the PTSD to deal with the issues. She feels I haven't helped her through so I'm always left feeling guilty by her.. yet she's the one crying. She asks me to talk her through stuff and I try the best I can but it never seems to be enough. It's a crazy way to keep a marriage together but I think we both feel either things will work out soon or we'll separate for good.

Again, thanks for your posts. Appreciate your candor!