I have decided that I will never find someone who will accept me or my disability. So I have decided that if I don't find someone by March of this year. I don't think I want to continue with the rest of the year. So march is my deadline so to speak.

Iconic, don't feel bad Hun, there are so many who feel like you and believe me I've set a few deadlines of my own in my life. I hope you don't mean what I think you mean, but if you ever need someone to talk to, hit my mailbox up!

Karen

You might be surprised, Iconic. I have met some lonely and disabled people. The power of love is an awesome thing. When you meet the right person meant for you a lot of stuff can be worked around. In my business I have met some real darlings - men and women.

thanks mommy and marie

im eating little bits now, the other night it hit me and i couldnt keep my eyes open, so ive forced myself to eat a bit and drink.

thanks again

iconic any one of us would accept your disability ..i've been on dating sites for three years now and i'm still alone..but i have hope..your pretty hot if you ask me..

thanks everyone for your support. I was feeling pretty sad today. I get that way sometimes. I am bi polar with schizo affective disorder.

So its not the easiest telling people. But I do anyways. I feel the truth is much more important then a fabricated lie to make me sound more accepted.

Its true.I am very up front about my anxiety/panic attacks with people.Its amazing how many people have these disorders..

Iconic - never give up. There are lots of people out there with disabilities and you will find someone. Just takes time to find the right person. It bothers me and the others when you talk about ending it though. I hope you have changed your mind. Look at what Cutelildevilsmom and Rainbow replied to you. Give this site and life a chance.

Cute - It is to true, there are a lot of people with anxiety and panic disorders around. I think you being open and talking about it helps other people open up and feel more comfortable about talking about them too. I hope you are having a good weekend.

Debbie - Glad you are eating some and sleeping now. Your body needs the nourishment and rest. Hope you feel better soon.

Karen - Good to see you on here, hope things are going better for you now that you are back in school. Hang in there. You are an amazing person, I don't know how you accomplish all you do.

Mommy - Are things going okay for you?? Haven't seen you post for a couple of days. I have been thinking about you and hoping you are doing okay.

Things have been pretty rotten right now for me. My aunt (she turns 89 on the 11th) was put in the hospital 3 days ago for a blood clot in her lung. They have been doing testing and just found out she has a mass on her pancreas, this is such bad news. Pancreas cancer is pretty much untreatable and usually takes the person pretty fast, and I understand it can be pretty painful at the end (from watching my medical shows on TV - I watch a lot of the Discovery medical shows). She is my favorite aunt, my dad's only sibling left. She has been healthy as a horse her whole life and rarely ever sick, no medical problems. Now this. I have to tell dad tomorrow at the nursing home, so not looking forward to that. It just makes me sick thinking about it. I thought she would go on forever, my grandpa lived to be one week short of his 97th birthday and thought she might do the same. Was really hoping this year would start out better than last year. Thanks for listening.

I am sorry to hear that your aunt is in such bad shape, Marie. When you were mentioning her being as healthy as a horse made me think of the aide I was working with last night. She is six weeks pregnant and last night was suffering from gall stones. She was bent over in pain but she has always been a hard worker. She kept telling me that she was sorry that she had to leave to try to make it to the emergency room and asked me if there was a doctor coming in the nursing home. I told her not to worry about anything that I would take care of the hall. I work with some proud people and have some proud residents who have worked hard all there life. Some are even too proud to ask for help. Pain I have found can be a great motivator. When I stretched the tendons in my right arm I became motivated to ask for help instead of trying to do it all by myself. Before she left though she gave me some of the best green bean casserole that I have ever ate. I hope she comes back in good health I would really like to get the recipe but better yet I hope she makes some more. I didn't even know there was such a thing as green bean casserole. I think the calling everybody hon at the nursing home is really contagious even the nurse called me hon before I left home this morning. We just about all say it to each other and to the residents even without thinking about it any more.

marie i am so sorry about your aunt..my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours..

(((((((((Marie))))))))))), you are such a wonderful person. No matter how bad things are for you, you always have something supportive to say to all of us. How do you keep such a big heart in your chest

I will of course pray for you and your aunt. I hope they can keep her comfortable.

iconic......I added you to my friends list. I check my email everyday and will answer when you write. Hope you are feeling better.

Debbie, I'm glad to hear of your progress. Keep up the good work.

(((((((JAX))))))))) you are so sweet and helpful all the while keeping your wonderful sense of humor, and that goes for you too roy!

I hope mommy will post soon. I was wondering where she is too.

((((((Marie))))) I am sorry to hear about your Aunt, prayers goin out for you and her.


I had some computer problems this week, but all is fixed now.


Things are things on my end, I talked to my mom, and she came up with some of the money for the payment on my van, and I havent been able to get in touch with the loan company to see if they will take the payment or if they want the full payment. I will try and get in touch with them again on Monday.. i just hope they take what mom has and still do the extention.

Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts Marie and Creations, I will let y'all know what happens!

marie, so sorry to hear your news, hugs

hi everyone,

i was doing better, but got a tummy bug now, its pratically a epidemic in the uk, so i cant eat, im drinking bits but fetching that back up, i feel really weak now, with not eating properly a while before, ive slept for about 19 hours over the last 24 hours.

debbie.

thanks

Karen, the one nurse I work with whose is pregnant with twins right now has helped me a lot. She has let me know that none of us is super person. She was an aide a long time before she made a nurse. She is such a honest person and that honesty is rubbing off on me. It has helped me to admit my limitations with certain residents and because of that others are teaching me how to deal with some of them. I am finding new tricks with some because we are sharing our common knowledge. For instance, the screaming German lady I found out was a runner. One of the new aides gave me this information. She said talked to her about running. Last night she got so mad she kicked the plastic guard to keep her from falling off the upper mattress and broke it. We had her on a regular bed before that with metal guards but she climbed over that so the lower mattress was in case she came off the bed. None of the aides or nurses speak German but a resident from another hall speaks German. He found out that she was complaining about her right arm. We found out that she is always laying on that arm. We just want her to stop screaming because it keeps some residents from getting proper rest. It is like that video, "Thriller" with Michael Jackson when the sundowners start to wake up. I asked the one aide with the gall stone problem if there was anything she could do because she wouldn't let me do a wet check on her. One of the things we have to remember as an aide is privacy, dignity and respect for the female residents who still have some form of sanity left. We are learning how to work together as a team. Some aides are better with certain residents than others and we are trying to use that knowledge to our advantage. We can use this information between shifts and it gone a long way to keep the drama and pissy attitudes in check. We have learned from each other that all the ones who do show up for work and not calling in are all working their collective asses off. This has led to a certain degree of espirit de corps. Instead of just *****ing about a problem people are just asking for help and bypassing a lot of ill feelings. I really think it is wonderful because I really like peace and serenity.

Had a real nice conversation with the nurse on duty last night. Found out that we have a lot of stuff in common. And no, Jax, I am not hitting up on the nurse. She is five months pregnant. Found out there are others out there who have panic attacks in Walmarts. I am finding out through a lesbian couple and a gay couple that they have the same kind of spats that heterosexuals do. Seems like you put just two people together long enough and eventually spats just happen. Had a real sweet experience last night. Our married couple residents at the home were being loveydovey. The wife asked me to buy a bear claw pastry for her husband who stays in the room next to her. She told me to tell him that she loved him. He had me to go back to her room and tell her that he loved her, too. Got me all emotional since they are in their seventies. It made my night.

We have one married couple on the unit and they are in the same room and both are going going gone.she gets him riled up all the time.We at one time had 4 but due to deaths are down to this couple who are both exit seeking.fun ****.roy I know you weren't hitting on the nurse..wait till she gets her figure back once the babe is born..

Hey you, I tried to email you to see how you are doing, and your mail sttings say Im too far away to contact you........how are you?

Hey everyone, hows it going? Sounds like you and jax have your hands full,

I start school tomorrow, sighhhh. Was looking forward to it but now I've got the jjjjjitters.
I ve lost more weight. I couldn't believe the scale when I saw how much, so I checked it to see if it needed to be re-set. Nope, I have lost another 10 lbs. Over the holidays to boot!

I like it but damn! Now hardly any of my clothes fit me, hahaha.......

Been dealing with my deamons again, but I hope I can stuff um down until this semester is over again. I hate being a rapid cycler. Can't never tell when Im gonna change. Like Dr Jeckle and Mr. Hyde.........

At least I know the change when it happens adn I try to figure ways around it, but soemtimes it does get the better of me.

Karen - good luck on school tomorrow -you will do fine. Remember you love your art and once you get back into the groove things should be good. I do worry about you losing weight though, heck if you need a fat transplant, let me know, I have plenty and will send you some, just let me know okay?? Seriously, though take care of yourself and make sure you are eating enough.

Roy - the nursing homes are just like their own little communities and do have their own little world. I have seen it while visiting my mom and now my dad. You are right about couples, all couples, having spats. I guess the only things gays and lesbians wouldn't have to fight about would be whether the toilet seat was left up or down, otherwise everything else is probably open game.

Jax - I admire the work you do too, I couldn't work around a nursing home all day, I get too attached and too depressed when something happens to one of them. I am much better at sitting behind a computer.

As an update - my aunt was released from the hospital today to go home, my cousins wanted to send her to assisted living, but guess that didn't happen, haven't heard from my cousin last night or tonight, if I don't hear tonight, I will call tomorrow. They did a biopsy and I know that takes a few days, but I know it is not good news, my aunt's mom died of pancreas cancer, and her sister of ductal cancer, her brother of colon cancer and her other sister had Alzheimer's and colon cancer, so not a good sign. Thanks so much you guys for all your support, it really means a lot to me. Take care and have a great week.