Ah, but do the majority actually read profiles? Or just drool over the pictures, with their own agendas in mind?

I agree with you some don’t but I spelt it out to him in a message that I hate sex, and that was his response. Although many do read my profile because since I put I don’t like/hate sex, about 3 times in my profile and spelt out what I want exactly, I get far less spam. Over 50 views to about 5 messages.So it’s better than it was.

Sandra

spirituality with be the problem here

Love go with different reasons

Some people will read what you write (in your profile), but still won’t take it seriously.
There’s always someone out there that thinks they can change your mind.

That is true Bastet.

run as far and as fast as you can so you don't get Bobbitted!!

hi dear

Nice Sandra . You are a wonderful rarity here. I like that you know who you are, what you want and a very big welcome to the forums. I actually do not think I am asexual, because I enjoy men fully. But, but, but...I am just not one who can do casual. We have to be best friends first

I agree with you. I can't connect unless they are spiritual. But that is a vast topic in itself.

Thank you so much for your kind words about me. Really nice of you and to meet you here and thanks for sharing that you do not think you are asexual. Some people also mix asexuality with celibacy or abstinence which is a choice, asexuality isn't and I am not abstaining, I just love to kiss and not have sex and not the housewife or mother type to a guy or kids at all. I am a business girl and like to be direct and to the point, because life of way too short and that housewife/mother lifestyle is definitely what I don't want. I like to live life to the max on my own terms and have a great single life and enjoy dating myself. I feel loved up with myself, my lifestyle and life pretty much 24/7, so a guy has got a lot to live up to, and if he can't make me as happy as I make myself or happier, he can move on to the next woman, and not bother approaching me or wasting my time in the first place.

I also need someone spiritual and into personal development and self-growth. So Any guy who is not willing to grow or develop himself, won't do so in the relationship, so you will never progress as a couple and be stagnant, intelligence is important for this reason too.

Thanks for the warm welcome here xx
.

Good points and in that aspect you'd think it would be easier, but I'm not seeing it.

What I'm seeing as "times have changed" is that the focus seems to be changing. Or maybe I'm changing? Ten/twenty years ago the focus seemed to be "relationships", sharing your life with someone, finding love. What I'm seeing now is a whole lot of people, especially in my age group wanting to do their own thing and not so much interested in getting into a relationship.

Even here, the younger ones are all looking for love. The older ones are enjoying their autonomy and independence and aren't in such a rush to meet someone. Companionship and occasional sex would be nice from what I'm hearing/reading, but not a full time relationship. More and more people seem happier being alone, they have full enriched lives and to let someone in would be a huge disruption to that. I'm seeing this with both men and women, though more so with the men. I could be wrong, but this is what I'm sensing and the general feeling I'm getting.

I looked up the meetup groups around here, thinking it would be a good way to meet a potential date, it's not likely in my age group. The ones for those in the 30 to 40 age groups are geared for dating and romance, the ones 50 and older are geared for meeting up with same sex interest groups... women's activities and men's activities.

There was a time when I made those lists, mostly because I didn't want to make the same mistakes I've made before. It's good to know what doesn't work, so looking back does help in that respect and in getting to know yourself better, but it can also be counterproductive, in my opinion. My mind set now is more like yours Bastet... I will know it when it comes along.

Such things can be daunting, and yes, it seems there's more men who aren't interested in a relationship than women. But to be honest, most of those I see wouldn't even come close to being a good match for me anyways.
I have a few quizzes on a dating site, one question is what they are seeking. Many reply 'committed relationship'.
But things have got to be right. Like we don't jump into any relationship anymore, men don't either.
I know this couple, the man had said never to get married again, ever. He met her, shortly thereafter proposed and they've been happily married since, moved to their dream country, bought a house and so on.
A friend of mine, then 56, said "I'm giving it one last try." She became paid member of a dating site, met this man almost right away. A year later they moved in together, even though she always was adamant about NEVER leaving her home again. Another half year later they got married, she was 57/58.
I know another couple with a very similar story, he's 62. Also very very happily married.

I think there is a larger group of men who say they don't want it but when they then meet the right one for them suddenly everything changes.
I've seen that happen more than once. It's also what Matthew Hussey says: When asked most men say they want a committed relationship.
I think this also goes for 50+ men. NOT for the group that never healed after their last partner, but those we don't want anyways.

Never give up hope, River!

That's when a list isn't very helpful. When I first made mine some 6 years ago, most of what was on it was ego/fear based, projections from what had happened to me by an ex.
That's NOT the right list, although it shows what you still got to heal.
What you're after is qualities you want that are NOT ego & fear based, not projection. You cross these off, just remember them as healing points.
That may mean most of your list is gone...
Then you check if you yourself have the qualities you seek in a man so you are a match for that man. Then you know what you still got to work on.
And a very clear view of what you need to be happy, which helps to write a better profile text, or in real life present you in a better way.
Often we women go out there -online or in RL- being a huge receptor for anything and everything. When you know what you want & need you are not a huge receptor/attractor of whatever as you've already done the sifting and sorting.
It makes it SO much easier for yourself to see and decide, no, that's not for me, or hmmm, that could be for me.
Which results in attracting better quality men and much higher potential of finding the one than when you're doing and open to whatever and then have to figure out the long hard way if it works or not.

I think most don't get that making a list is not really about what requirements the other has got to meet, it's not demands. It's a tool to get to know yourself.
Most people want love but never ever thought what that should be like for them. Yes, "I want to be happy". Great! What makes you happy? What do you need in order to feel happy and fulfilled?
Most just chuck something at the wall and hope something will stick, regardless what.
A list is mostly about getting to know yourself.

Very well put Crystal
I've gone through the same process, as most of us do.
I'm sure you do exactly the same as me.
Think about pros an cons so much you end up talking yourself out of it lol

And one day you meet someone. And realise that there's something else that words cant convey. something holistic about the person perhaps..something that our brain works away at. But not using words.

describe the taste of a strawberry for example..... where do you start?
If you have never tasted one. The words can't convey it.
Love is like that. And every person has a different flavour.
I've gone for savoury quite a lot in the past( like a bit of spice)

It's not about the exact details, and you can very well describe things like that taste, or how you want to feel with a partner and in a relationship.
And then when you meet this Soulmate you will feel exactly like you had intended, wanted and hoped to feel.

Your approach is very mental, which means disconnected. You have to get into the heartspace and feelings to get there, and you thus have to get out of your head.
It's all about feeling, whether it's describing the taste of a strawberry or your dream partner.

But it's fine, we all have our own path to walk in life.
Maybe there are some who get what I'm getting at :)

Hardest thing:

Not pissing them off too much, and not getting pissed off too much.

And when the pain outweighs the pleasure, deciding to call it quits is very hard.

Valid points Sandra You wise to be safe.
I think perhaps women on dating sites experience the type of men that are looking for that primarily.
I met with a lovely woman recently. Neither of us felt over keen to progress futher, but it didn't stop us drinking 4 cups of coffee, sharing a pizza and spending about 4 hours in a caff.
She used to run events for singles about 10 years ago. ( god knows why she wanted to meet me lol)
Anyway, She's pretty much a guru about dating.
The men after sex are very active, and work through lots of women on a site, hoping for a bite. What you get is x amount of men or women that do the rounds with thier routines, giving the opposite sex a non representative impression.
so both sexes end up with statisticly more "base" encounters" online than genuine ones. so in an attemt to filter out the unwanted element.
The wheat is thrown out with the chaff. Because over time the filter has a tendancy to become more and more selective, especially online.

Some that you dismiss or filter out casually on a whimsical criteria may be perfect for you. some who seem wonderfull online, but as soon as you meet them you can't see it somehow. So you find your're no futher forward. A dating site is only a means to meet people, and I think it's a mistake to have preconcieved notions about what such a meeting should be.

Just meet up see how it goes. See if you survive that, before anything else.