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| Topic: How do you Men feel about women... | |
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It's all how we are conditioned by the B.S. we are constantly bombarded with. Eventually we accept the B.S. because we want to blend in. We do it to protect ourselves, even if it's not logical. So when we break from that conditioning, step out from the crowd again, we feel exposed and vulnerable, suddenly outside of the safety of our comfort zone. The problem is that you can't get noticed when you're huddling inside the crowd. You have to make yourself stand out. You have to separate yourself from the crowd so you can be seen. The risk that comes with that is that some people may be harsh or negative. That's normal. It's not just in dating. It's in everything. It's why we want to blend in with the crowd in the first place, whether it's driving a car, shopping for clothes, or our job at work. So it's all just mental conditioning. Nothing primal about it. I've never "blended in", or cared one whit what the "herd" was doing/ into...it generally wasn't interesting to me/ to my taste anyway.. This *has* led to people being harsh and negative..because they don't like someone who is different, who dosen't conform to what they expect you to... I have been fortunate to find a few that "got" me..they were also not herd followers.. The rest that want *me* to change to suit them? They can sod off.... 
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If she is attractive to me then I will definitely be intrigued
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I don't think it's primal instincts at all. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dogs. The vast majority of us in the U.S. have been raised to think that the man should be the proactive one, not the woman. Meanwhile, the woman was raised to play "hard to get" to ensure that the man was sincere, and not some creep or mound of anger. Then along comes feminism, challenging what we were taught about gender roles. It creates some confusion, mostly among the men because of the radicals who constantly man-bash. We are fed an awful lot of B.S. in our lives. Just look at the prank Payless Shoes just pulled. Those people who bought the shoes at outrageous prices without doing their homework were just following their conditioning as fashionistas. Watch how many people now fail to stop for STOP signs. We know it's wrong not to stop, but we roll through the sign anyway, right? The first several times we do it, we feel odd about it. Guilty, even. But then we get over it. It becomes second nature. It's all how we are conditioned by the B.S. we are constantly bombarded with. Eventually we accept the B.S. because we want to blend in. We do it to protect ourselves, even if it's not logical. So when we break from that conditioning, step out from the crowd again, we feel exposed and vulnerable, suddenly outside of the safety of our comfort zone. The problem is that you can't get noticed when you're huddling inside the crowd. You have to make yourself stand out. You have to separate yourself from the crowd so you can be seen. The risk that comes with that is that some people may be harsh or negative. That's normal. It's not just in dating. It's in everything. It's why we want to blend in with the crowd in the first place, whether it's driving a car, shopping for clothes, or our job at work. So it's all just mental conditioning. Nothing primal about it. Really good points Action. Especially about pavlov's dog. Although most dogs will eat regardless of if they are hungry, especially the younger ones. But that experiment is an excellent example of how we are conditioned/programmed. I personally wouldn't rule out primal instincts/animal nature though. I think we have a tendency to say it has to be one or the other. And perhaps it's a combination of many factors? |
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Actually there are numerous examples of ancient tribal cultures where women held an equal status with men, performing many of the same duties including hunting and warfare.
We forget that ancient tribal cultures often began with a communal effort. The woman didn't necessarily stay home with the children to protect them. Some might. So might a few of the men. Some may have been elder men and women. Some may have been younger. They took care of the children of not just their own families but those of other families as well. So can we really say that gender roles are truly based on primal instincts? I think both men and women are born to be protectors. The roles may change and fluctuate based on society and circumstances, but both retain the protector impulse. At least, that's what I've learned by studying history and cultures. |
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They hunted meat, did they also hunt their husband or did the husband choose them? And once they got married, were they expected to cease hunting and tend to the household duties?
I do know with Native Americans each had specific duties according to their gender, though I'm not sure about the courting rituals. It would be interesting to do a little research into the dating rituals of these cultures. Just because some of the women hunted doesn't necessarily mean they went out and pursued their husband... or perhaps they did. |
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I think it is something that will change in the future. There was a time when young single women would want a chaperone when in company of young men to ensure propriety, it is unheard of nowadays. What was once considered as normal in courtship for single women, a chaperone, is no longer wanted, times change. Women will begin to chase men and it will become the normal, it is already happening over the Internet to some extent. Trends and what's acceptable in the different time era... goes along with what Action is saying about being conditioned and programmed according to how we were raised. Thanks Duttoner for your input  
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The ancient Celts had a festival (was it Beltaine? or Lughnasagh?) where people could couple together in trial marriages for 1 year.
From my understanding, either sex could approach the other. I wish I had my books. I'd like to look up customs in other ancient cultures. I remember reading about others previously, but knowledge tends to fade when you don't have cause to use it. |
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Hand fasting ceremonies are like that. You agree to be together for one year and if you choose to stay together longer, that's fine, if not, you walk away peacefully and that's okay too.
Yes the knowledge does fade. I've read stuff too and can't really remember the details. |
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I’ve read a lot of men’s profiles. Most are looking for the same thing and a lot are unrealistic when you look at who they are.
Their expectations are too high and they miss women with excellent qualities because she isn’t athletic and/or slim and most want younger. I am not slim or athletic but I think I’m a great catch. Yes I’m biased lol. I changed my expectations as I realized that I too was missing out on some great guys. I also know that a lot of men have come to realize that it’s ok for a woman to initiate the first move. The ones that haven’t outgrown those old fashioned values will also miss out on some great opportunities. |
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Chasing after you? Women chasing men came up in another thread, the opinion was that when women chase men they run the other way. Innately, men are the hunters and women are the nurturers. I've heard some men say they adhere to this and others say it's 2018, time for women to do the chasing. So what are your true thoughts on this. If a woman were to pursue you, how would you really feel about that? Would you run the other way or would you feel flattered and take a risk going against what feels natural? Contrary to belief.... woman do chase.. more then people think. |
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Chasing after you? Women chasing men came up in another thread, the opinion was that when women chase men they run the other way. Innately, men are the hunters and women are the nurturers. I've heard some men say they adhere to this and others say it's 2018, time for women to do the chasing. So what are your true thoughts on this. If a woman were to pursue you, how would you really feel about that? Would you run the other way or would you feel flattered and take a risk going against what feels natural? Contrary to belief.... woman do chase.. more then people think. Have you experienced that greeneyes? What was your reaction if so? And if you've observed women chasing other men, what was their reaction? Sorry for all the questions. I imagine women do, I'm interested in how men react and how they feel about women making the first move. |
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In my experience, Greeneyes is right to some extent.
I've been chased. A few of those times were when I was an awkward teenager caught up in all the high school b.s. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't rebuffed some of those girls the way I did. I was too concerned about "appearances", not looks but how people perceive each other. At the time, I was trying to move up the social ladder without having the tools to actually do so. But some of those girls were actually better catches than I gave credit for. That's what happens when you're young and stupid. On the other hand, one girl did approach me as I was leaving a baseball game while I was in uniform. Unfortunately, I forgot to give her my number. I was in a rush, switching from baseball to another extracurricular competition. So I simply told her I was in the phone book....but forgot to give her my name. 
There were a couple of opportunities in college too. I simply was too shy or dense at that point to do anything. But the interest from those girls was fairly easy to see. And there have been at least a few times as an adult in the real world. One of them I rejected, and have mentioned her in other threads. Two I ended up dating. As I've aged though, there have fewer and fewer such women. But even for someone as socially awkward and introverted as I was as a teen and young adult, there have been several instances where the other gender did make the first move. I just wish I'd encounter the same rate of opportunity now that I'm older and wiser. |
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Yes, that would be nice Action, to get the same opportunities now as we did back then.
Hopefully if you do get that opportunity again, you won't forget to give her your name and phone number 
Just teasing. 
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About the only girlfriends I ever had were ones that made the first move to me. Once I knew she would date me, I'd take up the role of doing the asking, planning dates, that sort of thing. If I made the first move, I knew that I wouldn't get anywhere. Prior experiences had shown me I was wasting my time.
Thinking back on some that had actually tried, I wasn't picking up on anything they were tossing me. I would, a day or more later, but I never saw them again. I know women, now aren't as aggressive as they were back when my dad was my age. A series of events put me back living with him after my mother passed away. They zeroed in on him, calling the house. He told me about how they weren't leaving him alone. After my divorce, I sorta half expected that to happen, but it didn't. Oh well, times change, it doesn't work that way anymore. It took a while to accept that dates were going to be very hard to come by. I've made adjustments, accepted what is, and settled into a solo lifestyle. |
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Edited by
Unknow
on
Sun 12/02/18 07:17 PM
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About the only girlfriends I ever had were ones that made the first move to me. Once I knew she would date me, I'd take up the role of doing the asking, planning dates, that sort of thing. If I made the first move, I knew that I wouldn't get anywhere. Prior experiences had shown me I was wasting my time. Thinking back on some that had actually tried, I wasn't picking up on anything they were tossing me. I would, a day or more later, but I never saw them again. I know women, now aren't as aggressive as they were back when my dad was my age. A series of events put me back living with him after my mother passed away. They zeroed in on him, calling the house. He told me about how they weren't leaving him alone. After my divorce, I sorta half expected that to happen, but it didn't. Oh well, times change, it doesn't work that way anymore. It took a while to accept that dates were going to be very hard to come by. I've made adjustments, accepted what is, and settled into a solo lifestyle. Thanks for sharing Redrider. That's interesting about your Dad, I've seen that in movies where the women zero in on the newly widowed man but I didn't realize that happened in real life. Maybe back in those days it was more prominent because there were more stay at home house wives/moms? Times have definitely changed. I've been pretty guilty of being clueless when a man showed interest. And by time it sinks in, I managed to crush their ego a bit so they lost interest... or disappeared. I can see why some guys would wait for the woman to show interest before making a move. No one, man or woman, likes to feel shot down in their attempts to woo the other. I'm working on paying more attention.. least in face to face interactions, it's much more difficult online. So far nothing... either that or I'm still clueless, lol. |
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I think online it boils down to consistency.
In the profile/photos look for inconsistencies that might indicate a serious issue. Like claiming they don't smoke and in a photo they have one in their mouth lit. Or, if they participate in the forums, blogs or other site add-ons pay attention to whether what they write in one place holds true to what they claim someplace else. Once you determine if someone is worth pursuing, attempt to make contact. Just think of what you would say to them about their profile and type it out. The worst that can happen is no match is made. Just staring at a profile won't get you a match either. Myself (can't really speak for anyone else), I would like a woman to contact me that includes correspondence about what I have in my profile. If she words her message open-ended, its easy to respond. If its worded as the final word on the subject, why converse? Once a connection of mutual interest is established, have a plan to meet. The worst that could happen is they don't meet you but what if they do want to meet you? Are you prepared to carry out the plan? I had a woman last year at another site that contacted me and included in her message things that told me she obviously read my profile. She worded her message open-ended and a series of messages happened and she asked if I wanted to meet for coffee or something. I said yes and asked for the specific place and time. <<crickets>> Never heard from her again? Its like climbing up to the high dive, standing there for a bit and climbing back down and going home. You expect them to actually dive in but they didn't think it thru. At M2, you can see who views your profile. I take notice when someone repeatedly views my profile. I know there must be something there that intrigues them because I know I don't repeatedly view profiles without a reason. I might view a potential match's profile 5 or 6 times before I attempt to message them. When I do compose my message to them, I always have their profile open in another tab and I refer back to it as I compose the message. It just makes sense to me. The woman I am seeing right now, contacted me first and set the meet. I liked that. |
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a very well said☺
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I think online it boils down to consistency. In the profile/photos look for inconsistencies that might indicate a serious issue. Like claiming they don't smoke and in a photo they have one in their mouth lit. Or, if they participate in the forums, blogs or other site add-ons pay attention to whether what they write in one place holds true to what they claim someplace else. Once you determine if someone is worth pursuing, attempt to make contact. Just think of what you would say to them about their profile and type it out. The worst that can happen is no match is made. Just staring at a profile won't get you a match either. Myself (can't really speak for anyone else), I would like a woman to contact me that includes correspondence about what I have in my profile. If she words her message open-ended, its easy to respond. If its worded as the final word on the subject, why converse? Once a connection of mutual interest is established, have a plan to meet. The worst that could happen is they don't meet you but what if they do want to meet you? Are you prepared to carry out the plan? I had a woman last year at another site that contacted me and included in her message things that told me she obviously read my profile. She worded her message open-ended and a series of messages happened and she asked if I wanted to meet for coffee or something. I said yes and asked for the specific place and time. <<crickets>> Never heard from her again? Its like climbing up to the high dive, standing there for a bit and climbing back down and going home. You expect them to actually dive in but they didn't think it thru. At M2, you can see who views your profile. I take notice when someone repeatedly views my profile. I know there must be something there that intrigues them because I know I don't repeatedly view profiles without a reason. I might view a potential match's profile 5 or 6 times before I attempt to message them. When I do compose my message to them, I always have their profile open in another tab and I refer back to it as I compose the message. It just makes sense to me. The woman I am seeing right now, contacted me first and set the meet. I liked that. It's sounding a lot like the process I go through when I job search my seasonal work. Maybe if we.. or I.. took the same kind of time and care in looking for a potential match as I do with my job searches things would be a lot lot different? Do you think that process is done more online or do people do that face to face as well? Seems like when you meet someone face to face you find out more about compatibility while you are dating, not before you even say hello. What comes to mind is spontaneity and romance... while "thinking" it through and do the research, so to speak, where does the romance and spontaneity in meeting someone come in? Or maybe that's part of the problem, some of us are looking for that romance and spontaneity and not thinking things through. Like your high diver... wouldn't be very smart to be spontaneous and dive into a deep pool of water if you can't swim. Thanks Tom |
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Do you think that process is done more online or do people do that face to face as well? Seems like when you meet someone face to face you find out more about compatibility while you are dating, not before you even say hello.
____________________________________________________________ What comes to mind is spontaneity and romance... while "thinking" it through and do the research, so to speak, where does the romance and spontaneity in meeting someone come in? Or maybe that's part of the problem, some of us are looking for that romance and spontaneity and not thinking things through. Just like a job search, it has a mixture of methods and elements to reach a desired goal. 1. Learn what jobs exist that give you the best chance to reach your goal. 1a. Figure out which personality, body type you find attractive. 2. Gain knowledge and develop skills to qualify for those types of jobs. 2a. Make changes to your personality to be in alignment with the type of person you want to meet. 3. Compose a resume, portfolio or presentation to show others how you are qualified to do that job. 3a. Write a profile that describes who you are and the type of person you are looking for. 4. Search for jobs within your target career online and in the real world showing your unique qualifications to potential matches. 4a. Look for people with the qualities you seek in a relationship both online and IRW. 5. Interview with a prospective employer so they can determine if they want to hire you. 5a. When you find a potential match, make contact and see if they too consider you a potential match. There are a lot of potential jobs (matches) out in the world. Most people, if given a choice, will pursue and wait for the job (mate) that matches their desires. Few people actually find that perfect job (mate) and settle for one that gives them part of what they need. They are always looking for a better job (mate) and will quit this unsatisfying job (mate) in favor of a better one. Sometimes, they will quit a job (mate) and find out the new job (mate) wasn't everything they hoped for and they end up in worst shape than they were with the previous job (mate). Then there are the few that prepare, choose wisely and end up being with the job (mate) they love for the rest of their lives. _______________________________________________________ The thing about romance and spontaneity is that spontaneity will not produce romance unless someone is romantically inclined. They must possess the capacity for romance to be or understand romance. What might be romance to one, could be creepy to someone else. Someone could be very romantic yet it is lost on someone that doesn't share that view. Example: "Its so romantic when you look at me like that." "Like what?" "Like you are right now!" "Umm, I'm just looking at you? I'm not doing anything special?" "See, you're so romantic!" I used to stop for gas on my way home. The gas station had single roses and I would pick one up for the X to give her when I got home telling her, she is special to me. I did this a few times and she finally told me that she doesn't really like roses all that much anymore. If I want to show her a romantic gesture, buy her a fresh fountain Mountain Dew. So I started buying her a fresh fountain Mountain Dew and she would get all wooshy over it. Go figure? |
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Edited by
I_love_bluegrass
on
Mon 12/03/18 11:50 AM
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I used to stop for gas on my way home. The gas station had single roses and I would pick one up for the X to give her when I got home telling her, she is special to me. I did this a few times and she finally told me that she doesn't really like roses all that much anymore. If I want to show her a romantic gesture, buy her a fresh fountain Mountain Dew. So I started buying her a fresh fountain Mountain Dew and she would get all wooshy over it. Go figure? Yes! I don't like roses either..and make it clear right from the get-go it issn't my thing.. A lot of guys default to this, because they think all women like them.. To get one for *me* implied that they didn't give any thought to what *I* liked specifically.. Something cool...like some bakalva, or something I *did* like...that's was neat.. 
The Mtn. Dew thing shows you *truly* care... |
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