But are you STILL interested in him?

If not, then you gave up on any romantic thoughts, thereby removing the impediment to an organic friendship.

I'm saying that romantic intentions are a roadblock to organic friendship.

So maybe there was a *slight* miswording, but the point is that unless the roadblock does not exist, a natural friendship cannot develop. I simply forgot to include that intentionally removing the roadblock by completely abandoning romantic interest is another viable scenario.

But beware of people who have said they've abandoned such intentions because many retain them even when they believe they haven't.

I like sex to. I'd really like it if it happened before I forgot what it is.

Do you ever think we are talking two different languages?

I took a course on human sexuality in college. The first thing the prof said is that people will have sex long before they talk about it or even talk about safe sex. Good friends will be talking about this long before it happens.

I had a friendship with a man for 14 yrs. He was happily married. I knew his wife. Then they divorced and we became better friends. Somewhere along the way I developed feelings for him. wanted more. And yes I told him. We talked about it. He wasn't ready and wasn't interested. That did not stop our friendship. We went on vacation together and shared a room. We didn't jump into one bed together. I wasn't going to push him. I certainly wasn't going to make him feel guilty. And we stayed friends. Learning to respect boundaries is crucial in all relationships.

I have had 2 amazing men in my life that I will value forever. What a gift from each of them.

So here I am on the internet looking for someone special. More special than they are

Ah! But as you said, you were friends BEFORE you developed an interest.

That's a different story. You already had a relationship of some sort. Even if rejection tears down the house, the foundation still stands. The friendship can be rebuilt.

But when the friendship gets built on a foundation of a romantic interest....rejection destroys both the house and the foundation.

I dunno...
I don't think so anymore...I've gotten to know him too well..and see why his ex left him, and all that stuff...LOL..

Plus...

This thread makes me sad, this is all I can come up with.

To the men...
I'm sorry if you've not had at least one meaningful friendship with a good Woman in your life, they ARE special, delicate and deserve to be emotionally and physically protected, they are NOT your equal, they ARE superior and should be treated that way.

To the Women...
I'm sorry if you've never experienced a true friendship with at least one good man in your life, one who would be your anchor, your confidant, someone who knows what to say and when to say it, i'm sorry you've never felt that safety in knowing he's not your friend because of the potential for intimacy.


I wouldn't take a bullet for my true friends, I'd trade my life for them!


I LOVE WOMEN!

I would take my hat off to you if I was wearing one. You nailed it.

BINGO!!! although there are some men I totally respect their intellect. I know I will never be their equal. But I keep trying

I'm not in favor of "friend zones".

I am in favor of meaningful friendships based on mutual respect, love, and authenticity.

I'm not in favor of concepts suggesting that it's unscrupulous, if a man establishes a connection with a woman BOTH out of a genuine respectful interest in her as a person, coupled with admiration, AND desire for physical intimacy to develop.

I am in favor of straightforward clarity of motive and intent by both people from the beginning.

I'm not in favor of concepts suggesting either gender is superior to the other.

I am in favor of both genders considering the other to be of equal value, and building relationships from that foundation.

Players fear the friend zone, because generally women don't bone friends. To be a player, you have to remain distant and detached, as a friend you can't just f**k and run.

I'm not a player, so the friend zone doesn't really apply to me.

Indeed. Players and womanizers could never be in the friend zone because they have no respect or love for women.

Don't forget that players and womanizers aren't the only ones the friend zone applies to.

Geeks, dorks, and the socially awkward tend to get stuck there too.

Among younger generations, that has begun to change because of the gaming culture. Gamer girls are much more prevalent now than they used to be. So dorky guys who are also gamers have a new way to bond with certain women. Not all gamer girls are nerdy or dorky. They may be intelligent and attractive - the kind of women that geeks traditionally had trouble landing. But games give them not only something to talk about, but a way to spend time together and bond while getting to know each other.

There are still certain demographics where the friend zone is prevalent for those who don't blend in well socially.

Exactly, that's why it's a bad place for them and they say not to go there. I love the friend zone, it should be embraced.

Johnn & Cranky - what a pile of 19th century thinking!! I certainly hope some women in the 21st century are well beyond your assessment of them and their capabilities.

And what would you prefer us to think or believe?

There really seems to be a disconnect here because we have two different definitions at work here.

On one hand, we have people who think women view "friend zone" as actually being friends.

On the other hand, we have people whose personal experience is with women who use "friend zone" as an excuse not to be completely honest. That is, these women use it as a way to "let someone down gently". They aren't interested in being friends at all, but just don't want to hurt the guy's feelings.

So maybe there really are two different schools of thought among women, whether anyone here realizes it or not. Hence all the confusion here.

You could be right. I wouldn’t use the term friend zone though. Either I like a person enough to be friends or I don’t. If I tell a man I am not interested in anything more than friendship with him then it would be up to him if he wants to be friends without the hope of something more. I say what I mean.

I also know this: No matter how good a friend he is, when I do meet that someone special he will be my best friend, male or female. All others are still friends but there can only be one best friend.

Thank you! There were times when I thought I had that, only to realize it was an act, I was simply a means to an end for them and then they started acting differently and eventually disappeared.

Yes I think you are correct. I mentioned that in an earlier post I wrote.

I mentioned it earlier as well. There are at least two different definitions of friend zone. That is part of the reason I created the thread. My idea of the friend zone is to be friends.
A player's definition is different because he doesn't want to be friends. He only wants to rack up another score. This male Cosmo attitude is copied by many men. Thus, the fear of the friend zone.