The written or verbal words does not make the person but what they actually do is what makes them the person they really are.

we agree on something, most intelligent and those with integrity concurs.

I have felt your pain too many times in my life.
Personally I would prefer a woman that has never cheated nor has ever been cheated on. How likely is that, realistically in the world in which we live?

Its not so much the past that makes us who we are but how we learn from it. Do we gain wisdom and make the right choices in the future or do we continue to make the same mistakes?

But for the grace of God go I.
I have surmised that you have faith, perhaps that will give you insight into what I am trying to tell you.
In case, it misses the mark...

We exist in the now moment. We only ever exist in the now moment.
No matter how hard we try, we will never, ever be able to change the past.
We can however, shape our futures by conscious decision and actions that reinforce that decision.

The hard part is finding someone with the fortitude to make such a directed future. To find the soul that truly is changed.

Cheating is a personality problem that manifests in the self-destruction of love. The trick is to find someone that no longer holds contempt for happiness and contentment.

To expect all others to be lacking in such determination is unfair, on you part, not theirs. You need to reach down inside and forgive yourself for falling for the deviations of others. People are going to be themselves no matter what, they can not be otherwise. Ya gotta realize that the fault lies in your own expectation of others that gives you pain. When you can forgive yourself, you can find it easier to forgive others for them being them.

Then its just a matter of finding the ones that ARE what you seek.

I was where you are. It took a lot of work, discipline and dedication to get where I am right now but I have inner peace now, no matter what others do.
I see everyone as their own person, with their own reasons for what they do.
I have no need to justify their existence with understanding, they are as they are because they are.
When I start placing my own qualifications on them, I am trying to make them something they can never be - my idea of who they are.
Once you realize everyone dances to the beat of a different drummer it is no longer such a mystery.
You choose, but you must choose wisely.

It's a choice someone makes. You don't just start talking intimately with someone unless you let it get that far. Just like you dont stumble and fall on/into someone else.
One might regret afterwards and then realize they have made a mistake but the act of cheating, emotional or physical, is never an accident

I understand what you're saying Tom and believe me My parents , grandparents and friends have told me

The bizarre thing is my late friend John's wife sister works for me , she is my assistant, as much as I despise Toni, I have never ever held any malice towards my assistant or her family and they know it.

I have no love no compassion for Toni and Im reminded of John's loss when I see his family around the neighborhood.

I know I need to one day let it go, the malice I have for her and cheaters.

Although I would never do her any harm but I know if she was drowning I would throw her a glass of water... just kidding

Anyways I do get it and appreciate the advice .

We all live in a complicated world.

I needed to forgive to find my contentment.
Whether you or anyone else does is entirely up to them and the world in which they live.

People are not puppies. We have the capacity for resentments.

Perhaps this may help you or someone else reading this thread.

Your contentment is always only controlled by you.
Your emotional state is always only controlled by you.
I CHOOSE to be in control of my contentment and emotional states.

Whether you can forgive or not is insignificant.
Its how you let that effect your contentment that really matters.
After-all, only you live behind your eyes.

Just try to realize that judging someone by someone else's actions or inaction is unfair. Both to you and them.

Exist in the moment.
See the reality and remove the delusions.
Take things at face value and try not to put you in the way.

Possibly both in my opinion, unless they have a sex addiction, causing them to be unable to control their sexual behaviour, making them susceptible to multiple sex partners, as reported in this website below.


http://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/2061856/sex-addiction-signs-symptoms-treatment-harvey-weinstein-russell-brand/

Depends on what's motivating the cheating.

I mean huge difference, IMO at least, between someone that has seen the same hooker every week for the past 10 years continuing to do so after their wedding last year, keeping a secret apartment from his wife for his liaisons, and someone that goes to a halloween party, gets blackout drunk, and wakes up with a stranger who happened to be wearing the same costume as their spouse.

Big difference between someone that says "oh, they cheated on me?! Well, I'm going to go out and cheat on them!" and, "oh, yeah, btw, those road trips for work I was taking? Uhhh...I have a second family, that's who's at the door right now."

agree

I always hate when that happens to me.

Back in my early 20's, I dated an identical twin.

To this day, I'm not sure if I cheated or not.

Well said!

What choice did I have ? She's all over me .it's a mistake not to respond.

Thank you

During the late 60's LSD was popular. I recall a news story of an individual on LSD who felt he could fly and jumped off a 500 foot cliff. Was it mistake? yep. Was it a choice? Yep. Did he pay a price? Yep.

The same goes for relationship cheating.

what if one dies it willingly? knowing all the repercussions of the deed

Imo cheating can be either. Drinking, yeah, who here hasn't made a stupid decision drunk.

But being drunk is a poor excuse

Both