So,I have this lady friend , who I have known for a year or so. She is beautiful and very well versed in the ways of the world. In our, conversations, it was stipulated that we would be friends only..now that was a start I was hoping for....build a friendship, kinda solid like and let the situation evolve. I was and still am cool with that.....a bit of a different approach for me, for a change, probably age also catching up to me....so fast and easy has given way to slow and steady friendship...

Now recently, I begun seein a woman, I met on this site...We are of to a bit of a shaky start but, we are working on things....and I kinda like her....but we have aways to go....

Meanwhile, my lady friend has started sending me texts constantly, phones at all times....its like I luv all the attention...but calling me at midnite, knowing I have early work starts..., making plans for weekends, knowing fully well, I am involved...All the time projecting the we are friends attitude. But I am beginning to suspect , she now wants to be more than friends....am I so way off or what??
WTH am I supposed to do....this is like a soap.....or could become one....never been in this situation before....I always dreamed it...but never expected this dream , above all, to come true? Dang, be careful what u wish for...just saying....

Good luck figuring it out. It doesn't sound like you are asking for advice.

who stipulated the just friends? her or both of you?

have you expressed the phone calls at midnight are not a good time?

or you still answering the phone?

she knows you are seeing someone?


if you had to choose one


which one would it be?

I think you should order a bigger bed....... just in case.

"They" always say becareful what you wish for.. To be honest I would never hope to be in that situation.. one woman scorned is enough.

I'm a one woman man..

Seems like your lady friend is getting a bit jealous of your new interest. You both arranged to be friends but friends don't ring you at midnight knowing you have early starts etc etc. I think you have to reset (or enforce) the boundaries. One or the other.. Good luck.

Yes.
You're in the same "just friends" trap that people seem to love walking into because they believe that this nonsense is possible:

It's funny to me the continual perpetuation of the belief people actually seek change. Especially after they have what they want.
That they're all "Ooooh, I can't wait to get this into a nice stable relationship with clear boundaries and communication, where they're available, and nice, and giving me what I want. As soon as I have that I want to then introduce absolute change and add some risk so the entire thing could implode and end horribly no longer supplying me anything at all! I'm so excited! I can't wait to do that!"


"Man up" and take responsibility for what you want.
If you want a friend, reinforce the friendship boundaries.
If you want to date, date.

It's very damaging to go the "friend" route, and not really have any boundaries.
Delineated boundaries are necessary for effective communication.


I'm not sure you understand the situation fully.
Woman 1 - "just friends" - you are threatening harm to the relationship she likes. So she's trying to pay you with "more" than friends in order to get you to go back to what you were doing.
If you go back to what you were doing, stabilize, stop dating others, stop threatening her "friend" relationship, you are going to go back right to where you were.
If you insist on more, on the relationship "evolving" she might for a while...but she's going to want the "normalized" relationship back, and slowly withdraw, and put up boundaries, and fight you to get you to go back to what you were, the relationship she's used to, understands, and has been happy with until you messed it up by dating other women.

Woman 2 - too vague as to what's going on.
I wonder if she knows she's starting to compete with woman 1, though.

Good luck with that.

Careful with this one.
She's getting a little jealous of your new girl. See...these kind of women only want you as a friend but at the same time...they still want all your attention.

Wow you are in a scary place.

Talk to them both?
Be open and honest.

Or put your head in the sand and it might go away?

You could do a pros and cons list for each lady. It might help you to decide.

Sorry I have never been blessed with that choice.

All the best

If your friend pees on your leg......well....you may have possession issues.

what a dilemma! FriendA (platonic),... being a friend only, you told her about FriendB ?
FriendA probably never dreamed you were actively looking still, perhaps..and now that she knows, she may have come to realize there is some competition for your interest..and she is starting to test those friend boundaries which were first established..
Does FriendB know about FriendA ?
I would keep the status quo for the moment.. girls are/can be fickle.. and if you turf FriendB, FriendA may not work out either..
A conversation with FriendA may be in order, just to sort out where she is coming from and willing to go..
It takes a long time to get to know someone... do up that pros and cons list..
Good Luck with the ladies..

you silly ,let him.figured it out first

Here are 3 angles to look at your situation from, and maybe you can decide if any resonate with you.

Angle 1

If you live by the golden rule, would you want your romantic interest having late night flirtatious conversations with a close male friend? What would you want her to do in that situation? Consider doing that yourself.

Angle 2

If your friend knows that you have a new fragile blossoming relationship, why would she choose THIS particular juncture in your friendship to turn up the volume of her attention towards you ???
Your friend is subconsciously trying to protect the perks she was getting from being the "main woman" in your life. If that is the case , understand that you may be settling for your friend's FALSE "extra" attention, while she subconciously undermines the REAL potential of romance with this new woman .


Angle 3

To be fair to your friend, she may be lacking boundaries in her behaviour, because she senses that you may be looking for an excuse to get out of this new relationship, which you actually dont sound very enthusiatic about.

I'd say ... read TMommy's post then Candiapples right after that, lol.

We haven't enough info (TMommy's questions) to give any advice really
and yes, she could just be jealous even though she wants nothing more than friendship. An attention seeker and/or not being able to handle loss. Does NOT mean she wants more than ...

I'd be careful with the other one too. Sounds like too much work and trouble ..

hi

You say you wanted to build a friendship with the first woman with a view to perhaps it becoming a relationship, then you subsequently meet another woman that you would perhaps like to become a relationship. Oh, the fickle finger of fate is at work here.

In my opinion, you cannot feel very much romantically towards the first woman, when , after a year or so friendship, you are easily side tracked in finding yourself drawn to another woman you first met online. If you are looking in the long term for a relationship as opposed to a friendship, which seems to me to be what you want, then I would suggest you break off the friendship with the first woman, it's going nowhere and you clearly have no romantic feelings towards her and more romantic feelings towards the woman you met online. I hope things work out whatever you decide to do.

As the dice rolled....just had to quit No 2, the online connection, not what I really wanted, technically not compatible. And, settling back into a normal relationship with No 1...but this time with a few boundaries in place... Been a day only but....yup no midnight calls....so far.....lol,,, I would say something is working fine....Thanks for the read anyway....

Good luck to your lovelife

luck has nothing to do with....At this stage in life....its all about crossing the tees and dotting the i's...creating zero chances for failure....just saying....

Well. I'm glad you're comfortable again, but I don't see where you addressed any of the issues you discovered during your little adventure.

Here's the version I read here, for your consideration:

You told us that you aren't clear about what you want in a mate, that you are willing to lie to the first woman (pretend just friends is fine, in hopes of more), and that the first woman is in to controlling your life, while keeping you at a distance.

Essentially, your current "solution" is that you went back in to your corral for the first woman, where as long as she knows you're there by yourself, she wont abuse your "friendship" with her.

Unless of course, you try to leave the corral again.

If you'd told us instead, that the excursion into nonsenseland led to the first woman opening up to trying actual dating, then this would have been a tale of relationship progress.

Again, just telling you what I'm seeing here, in case it helps. If I'm off, just ignore it.