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| Topic: A Date ... I'm Scared | |
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I'm calling height discrimination lol
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I'm calling height discrimination lol please gimme their phone number so I can file a complaint!! ... I would very much like to tell them it ain't always easy for a woman to be 5 foot 10 
My daughter is 5 foot 8 and just those 2" make a helluva difference! But I don't think I need to explain the importance of a few inches to a bloke 
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Ahhhhh....the dreaded first date. Reminds me of the story in the Bible about Jesus. You see, this one day Jesus was kicking it in Jerusalem and this good looking gal walked by. Jesus, playing it cool got his crew, called The Disciples, to gather round him as he began to talk about some prophecy stuff. Then one of The Disciples....Pedro....he was like, "Yo Jesus man....how bout we get something better to drink than this water. We have this crap all da time". Now Jesus was put on the spot because now the girl was looking at him. She had heard the stories about him so she wanted to know if he was the real deal. Jesus smiled, tried to play it off, but then the girl approached him and gave him that look....you know the look I am talking about....that look of "I shaved my legs and wore this warm *** robe thingy for this"? Anyways, Jesus decides it's time to show this chick just who he is....and BAM.......water into wine! Next thing you know, Jesus and that girl are sitting at table (that he made) next to some other people, camels and such....sipping on wine and having their very first date. Moral of the story is.......You are not Jesus but a date is always smooth even when camels are nearby. 
Hot dang it, Goof!! You have me read that tome just to say that?? LOL 
What? Words of wisdom to live by. 
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As the Millionaire Matchmaker says.... two drink maximum and no sex before monogamy.
It's perfectly alright to be nervous and scared. Embrace it. Learn from it. And, try your best to be in the moment during the date. And, know that you have support here. |
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Hi
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As the Millionaire Matchmaker says.... two drink maximum and no sex before monogamy. It's perfectly alright to be nervous and scared. Embrace it. Learn from it. And, try your best to be in the moment during the date. And, know that you have support here. Try to be in the moment seems to be the keyword. And it seems so easy, but somehow it's really quite difficult, haha. I'm gonna give it my best shot! Thanks!
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Don't get scared, be ur self and u will rock it
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Yeah. I know psychology and "self awareness" is your thing but maybe try to stop analysing a bit. You sound like a guy that's trying to lose his cherry but is crapping himself about it. You've got a date with a nice guy but you don't know if you're ready for a relationship. You're saying that you're not bothered as long as he's tall and you don't really care if he isn't dark and handsome, you say. You seem to be looking for the same things.
You're scared because you've been in at least one abusive relationship that you told us about. You're afraid to lower your defences. If he really is a nice guy and you're just using this date to take another step on your journey of self realisation you are using him a bit. Maybe that's what nice guys are for though. They won't complain about it if they really are nice and if it doesn't go well and if you don't get on with him you can always say that he just turned out to be an arsehole. |
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If your gut reaction is this bad to an idea of a date with this guy I would be darn sure it takes place in a safe and very public place and go along very careful. I am a big believer in "instinct" and yours seems to be sounding off in a BIG way. You don't always have to know why you want to run the other direction for it to be a good idea.
It is fine to talk about "the nerves" when it comes to dating but if it is more than just talk among pals I would definitely do some serious checking. You are not a stupid woman but you could be attracted to more of the same and that is a whole another reason to just BE CAREFUL. Good Luck what ever you chose to do. |
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Well, had a good time, as a matter of fact our meet and greet lasted 6 hours, haha. The best conversation I've had in a long long long time, which was absolutely great. Very respectful, really nice man. But no chemistry for me. More like a really good friend.
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well there ya go. all the fretting for nothing. i'm glad you had a good time
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I'm happy for you Crystal
Could chemistry later? |
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I'm happy for you Crystal Could chemistry later? Ditto on this idea. Glad it turned out great from the sounds of it. Sometimes the heart/and chemistry takes a little time to kick in. Really great sexual chemistry is not just based in immediate lust but really liking someone. Give it a little time to warm and you just might find the furnace will kick in way more passionate than you ever imagined possible. Hope so. Would be nice to see you find real happiness. Keep my fingers crossed for you. Good Luck. |
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Well, had a good time, as a matter of fact our meet and greet lasted 6 hours, haha. The best conversation I've had in a long long long time, which was absolutely great. Very respectful, really nice man. But no chemistry for me. More like a really good friend. I am so glad that you went and you had a nice time. Now could the no chemistry be because of the hype from prior meeting? Is it worth maybe a second date to make sure before you zone him |
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Well, had a good time, as a matter of fact our meet and greet lasted 6 hours, haha. The best conversation I've had in a long long long time, which was absolutely great. Very respectful, really nice man. But no chemistry for me. More like a really good friend. I am so glad that you went and you had a nice time. Now could the no chemistry be because of the hype from prior meeting? Is it worth maybe a second date to make sure before you zone him Yeah, maybe... don't know yet. Have to let it sink in a bit. Must admit I find it real difficult. I don't want to confuse friendship-like stuff with something else. Been there before in the past, don't want to go there again. Would've been much easier if it had been wham-bam fireworks ma'am or a real "eeewwww!!!" |
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Well, had a good time, as a matter of fact our meet and greet lasted 6 hours, haha. The best conversation I've had in a long long long time, which was absolutely great. Very respectful, really nice man. But no chemistry for me. More like a really good friend. I am so glad that you went and you had a nice time. Now could the no chemistry be because of the hype from prior meeting? Is it worth maybe a second date to make sure before you zone him Yeah, maybe... don't know yet. Have to let it sink in a bit. Must admit I find it real difficult. I don't want to confuse friendship-like stuff with something else. Been there before in the past, don't want to go there again. Would've been much easier if it had been wham-bam fireworks ma'am or a real "eeewwww!!!" I agree but that has only happened once for me and it was back when I was 15..So if it did happen now I would be like WTH..Run woman run..lol Try it and the worst that can happen is you are let down the best that can happen is one time the bloody fireworks will go off. |
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Well... staying in the moment, what everyone says .. I find that so difficult to do, really something I got to learn.
I decided just now to go back to yesterday and get back in the moment, how I felt, what really happened and so on. I made a list of pros and cons. And I must say it clarified a lot! There was a mental connection for sure, but not an emotional one. No attraction, and sure a spark can come later, but -and I find this difficult to put into words- at some core level you need to feel that there's an interest in you as a desirable woman. That you can be 'woman' with a man. But it was purely mental. And sure things can grow, but then you could attempt to get that with any and every man. I do believe there has to be a basic something there from the word go. Otherwise you're trying to make things work from the head, basically talk yourself into a relationship. And I have done that in the past. That's the Nr1 mistake I've made when it came to men and relationships. While doing my list, I also realized that I've never done anything like this. I never really made up my mind, like "I don't want this man" or "This is just not the guy for me." Period. (Unless it was painstakingly clear of course.) I did in a way, but wishy-washy, and if the guy did tell me he was interested, I swayed and let his opinion/feelings be the decisive factor, not mine. And believe it or not, I was so insecure in the past, that I ended up in an 11 year marriage that way ... And after my divorce I did the exact same thing with my 2nd partner ... So I do NOT want to do that a 3rd time. I think that is the lesson that I needed to learn here. I deliberately didn't check for reactions from this guy, because this time I wanted to make up my own mind before he could tell me his thoughts and feelings. And I realise now for the first time ever, that because of my past it is so important to me to be seen for what/who I am, that I forget that I also need to be seen as a woman. So I get all excited when a guy sees me for who/what I am, but that's not enough for a relationship. That's great for a friendship. I need a bit more from a partner. So .. this guy is a no. A nice man, but not the right guy for me. Dang, this stuff really is an enormous learning curve, isn't it! |
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Well... staying in the moment, what everyone says .. I find that so difficult to do, really something I got to learn. I decided just now to go back to yesterday and get back in the moment, how I felt, what really happened and so on. I made a list of pros and cons. And I must say it clarified a lot! There was a mental connection for sure, but not an emotional one. No attraction, and sure a spark can come later, but -and I find this difficult to put into words- at some core level you need to feel that there's an interest in you as a desirable woman. That you can be 'woman' with a man. But it was purely mental. And sure things can grow, but then you could attempt to get that with any and every man. I do believe there has to be a basic something there from the word go. Otherwise you're trying to make things work from the head, basically talk yourself into a relationship. And I have done that in the past. That's the Nr1 mistake I've made when it came to men and relationships. While doing my list, I also realized that I've never done anything like this. I never really made up my mind, like "I don't want this man" or "This is just not the guy for me." Period. (Unless it was painstakingly clear of course.) I did in a way, but wishy-washy, and if the guy did tell me he was interested, I swayed and let his opinion/feelings be the decisive factor, not mine. And believe it or not, I was so insecure in the past, that I ended up in an 11 year marriage that way ... And after my divorce I did the exact same thing with my 2nd partner ... So I do NOT want to do that a 3rd time. I think that is the lesson that I needed to learn here. I deliberately didn't check for reactions from this guy, because this time I wanted to make up my own mind before he could tell me his thoughts and feelings. And I realise now for the first time ever, that because of my past it is so important to me to be seen for what/who I am, that I forget that I also need to be seen as a woman. So I get all excited when a guy sees me for who/what I am, but that's not enough for a relationship. That's great for a friendship. I need a bit more from a partner. So .. this guy is a no. A nice man, but not the right guy for me. Dang, this stuff really is an enormous learning curve, isn't it! There's nothing wrong with beer and snacks till the BBQ is ready! |
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Well... staying in the moment, what everyone says .. I find that so difficult to do, really something I got to learn. I decided just now to go back to yesterday and get back in the moment, how I felt, what really happened and so on. I made a list of pros and cons. And I must say it clarified a lot! There was a mental connection for sure, but not an emotional one. No attraction, and sure a spark can come later, but -and I find this difficult to put into words- at some core level you need to feel that there's an interest in you as a desirable woman. That you can be 'woman' with a man. But it was purely mental. And sure things can grow, but then you could attempt to get that with any and every man. I do believe there has to be a basic something there from the word go. Otherwise you're trying to make things work from the head, basically talk yourself into a relationship. And I have done that in the past. That's the Nr1 mistake I've made when it came to men and relationships. While doing my list, I also realized that I've never done anything like this. I never really made up my mind, like "I don't want this man" or "This is just not the guy for me." Period. (Unless it was painstakingly clear of course.) I did in a way, but wishy-washy, and if the guy did tell me he was interested, I swayed and let his opinion/feelings be the decisive factor, not mine. And believe it or not, I was so insecure in the past, that I ended up in an 11 year marriage that way ... And after my divorce I did the exact same thing with my 2nd partner ... So I do NOT want to do that a 3rd time. I think that is the lesson that I needed to learn here. I deliberately didn't check for reactions from this guy, because this time I wanted to make up my own mind before he could tell me his thoughts and feelings. And I realise now for the first time ever, that because of my past it is so important to me to be seen for what/who I am, that I forget that I also need to be seen as a woman. So I get all excited when a guy sees me for who/what I am, but that's not enough for a relationship. That's great for a friendship. I need a bit more from a partner. So .. this guy is a no. A nice man, but not the right guy for me. Dang, this stuff really is an enormous learning curve, isn't it! There's nothing wrong with beer and snacks till the BBQ is ready!  I like your wit, with a nice hint of insight underneath
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Crystal, trust your gut, I should have done that as well in both my marriages. I looked for justification of why it would be good to be married, but in the end, without the spark, they both failed. And I didn't do anything to save either one of them. I want that feeling that when you are not with that person, your heart aches, but not so much, that you turn into a controlling stalker either. When you see them or hear from them, it just makes your day, no matter how bad it was.
Hopefully, the wise folks here, know what I'm saying. |
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