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| Topic: A Date ... I'm Scared | |
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But yeah, I will have to think about what it is I fear so much, so hopefully come Thursday I will be more calm and collected. Right now I'm all over the place 
Please forgive me for this insight. From what you post in the forums and the strong person you come across as, I am surprised you are so fearful. Now, If I might suggest, you seem to fear letting go of all your walls. This fella might be the one. This fella might prove to you that not all men are like your ex. And let me tell you that is flipping scary. I know everyone has said to you to be yourself. Let go of all expectations. Just go and have a nice time out. Laugh and if it does not work out and you feel nothing, then move on to the next fish in the sea. Good luck. |
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Oh. I thought you said that you had seen his picture.
I suppose there is something a bit scarey about meeting someone that you've kind of clicked with on a dating site. I had one woman saying that she was scared to meet me because if it didn't work out then the fantasy would be over. I did get her to chat on the phone and there was just nothing and blind dates can be like that. One thing that could make it a bit awkward if the date doesn't go well is that they're likely to think that you're superficial and just turning them down on their appearance if you're saying that they seem perfect before you've seen them. I mean, you signed up for a site where the idea is not to be judged like that. Or maybe it's to discourage pervs. I don't know but the face to face meeting is the moment of truth for both of you when you find out if you actually find each other atractive if you don't exchange photos first. I don't like the idea of a site like that myself because I don't like dragging it out and getting emotionally involved with people on the internet that may never agree to a date or really be my type. Good luck with it though and hope it works out for you. |
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I Should really start a fan club for This stupid dog... wait a minute who you calling stupid stupid.. lol.. I Wasn't really calling you stupid Milo! I'm just referring to the fact that you have more fans.... then and air conditioning factory..ok.. .. I know I have a lot of fans! what's the matter PhD jealous?..aww.. is the little PhD going to pout.. poor little boy.. do you want to chew on my Play Toy?. it always makes me feel better... Milo did you just hold up the L sign to your forehead at me..Lol Yes I too love Milo He's adorable. Where's milo? No offense brother but look at the dog's big brown puppy eyes. Cute little nose. He's the type you can take in the car. Walk in the park with and the kids will love him . I would take him to school everyday for the kids. He can help them with their work. Can I have Milo? Please? Ann.. i want Milo too!! He is a charm! 
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Go for it but before that do up a plan B.
Meaning if the face to face chemistry doesn't work out, what do you need to do next.. Shopping, watch a movie or whatever stuff.. At least you dont have to be fully concentrating on this meeting session and reduce your fear of disappointment. It usually work for me. Hope it works for you Good luck! 
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Crystal, sorry but aside from your trauma, I'm finding this discussion to be very interesting. You have No1Phd in a tither because Milo, his dog, garners more attention and affection than him.
Look what you have achieved!! A vulnerable No1phd. Now that is quite an achievement. Go forth with your date with confidence. You are all powerful. 
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Crystal, sorry but aside from your trauma, I'm finding this discussion to be very interesting. You have No1Phd in a tither because Milo, his dog, garners more attention and affection than him. Look what you have achieved!! A vulnerable No1phd. Now that is quite an achievement. Go forth with your date with confidence. You are all powerful.
Grrrrrrrrrrr!! Watch it, tta. The girls know I'm the man! 
Signed, Milo |
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Crystal, sorry but aside from your trauma, I'm finding this discussion to be very interesting. You have No1Phd in a tither because Milo, his dog, garners more attention and affection than him. Look what you have achieved!! A vulnerable No1phd. Now that is quite an achievement. Go forth with your date with confidence. You are all powerful.
Grrrrrrrrrrr!! Watch it, tta. The girls know I'm the man!
Signed, Milo Hahaha i like that nasty look.. so sexy.. milo |
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Edited by
TMommy
on
Tue 09/15/15 06:03 PM
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Some 2 weeks ago I 'met' a man online, couldn't see each other's pictures yet (that's the system of that dating site), but the conversation was good! For the first time in yonks, if not ever, a man that seemed to get me without me even saying all that much. It was almost freaky. Good exchange, although usually short, as we mostly exchanged messages whilst the other wasn't online. Then we did chat. He showed interest in me, he was respectful, lots of things in common. Basically a lot of what I'm looking for in a man. Just that he's not the type I'd usually fall for, the outside package I mean. Anyway, both agreeing you can't really tell until you meet, so we set a date. Sounds great, right? Well, I'm CHIT scared! After we set the date, I didn't feel happy at all, I felt deflated, not elated. My solar plexus was in a knot, actually aching. I was upset and confused. Talked to two gal pals and both came up with the exact same thing. Fear because of what happened in the past. Dang right I'm scared! "Stay in the moment! You're just meeting someone, it's not a proposal!" Yeah, I know. But still ... I'm bleeping scared! I knew some stuff would get triggered the moment I'd meet a nice man, regardless of him being the man or not. So much chit I've been through because of my ex, and I worked through most, but some things simply don't get triggered when you're on your own. So I knew at some point things would come up. But knowing and experiencing it, are two totally different things. So here I am, a man that seems to have the qualities I find important, and I'm close to bawling my eyes out ... Somehow thinking "Can someone PLEASE just bump into me in the supermarket and we both fall madly in love and that it? So I don't have to go through this chit?" Someone please save me? LOL. Dang, I hate this chit ... I'm gonna have a moment now to bawl my eyes out you are stepping outside your realm so to speak of the kind of guy you usually pick at least in the looks department yes? I think its pretty damn normal to have some reservations, some worries when you have not been in a relationship in awhile and the last one ended badly or had some major issues going on ya know what the problem is with being a strong woman...anytime you show the least bit of vulnerability or doubt people say " man what is wrong with her" like you are not allowed to be human
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Crystal, sorry but aside from your trauma, I'm finding this discussion to be very interesting. You have No1Phd in a tither because Milo, his dog, garners more attention and affection than him. Look what you have achieved!! A vulnerable No1phd. Now that is quite an achievement. Go forth with your date with confidence. You are all powerful.
Grrrrrrrrrrr!! Watch it, tta. The girls know I'm the man!
Signed, Milo |
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Ahhhhh....the dreaded first date. Reminds me of the story in the Bible about Jesus. You see, this one day Jesus was kicking it in Jerusalem and this good looking gal walked by. Jesus, playing it cool got his crew, called The Disciples, to gather round him as he began to talk about some prophecy stuff. Then one of The Disciples....Pedro....he was like, "Yo Jesus man....how bout we get something better to drink than this water. We have this crap all da time". Now Jesus was put on the spot because now the girl was looking at him. She had heard the stories about him so she wanted to know if he was the real deal. Jesus smiled, tried to play it off, but then the girl approached him and gave him that look....you know the look I am talking about....that look of "I shaved my legs and wore this warm *** robe thingy for this"? Anyways, Jesus decides it's time to show this chick just who he is....and BAM.......water into wine! Next thing you know, Jesus and that girl are sitting at table (that he made) next to some other people, camels and such....sipping on wine and having their very first date.
Moral of the story is.......You are not Jesus but a date is always smooth even when camels are nearby. 
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Holy crap.
I feel for the guy. I mean he's showing up for a date with a woman who is: "CHIT scared!... didn't feel happy at all, I felt deflated, not elated. My solar plexus was in a knot, actually aching. I was upset and confused...Fear because of what happened in the past...I'm bleeping scared!...close to bawling my eyes out... I don't have to go through this chit? Someone please save me...Dang, I hate this chit. I'm gonna have a moment now to bawl my eyes out." Or IOW the thought of a date with him immediately brought fear, displeasure, insecurity, and makes you think of all your past relationships. That's your reaction to a date with HIM. And if you don't act that way on your date with him? Then you've adopted a facade to hide that from him. So with all that, more than likely the date's going to go 1 of 3 directions: 1. You put him into the role of your dating shrink or daddy, which he may actually enjoy if he likes women adopting a dependent role, or likes the whole savior routine, but possibly leading to sharp barbs and miscommunication being thrown around. 2. One or both spending the entire date in your own head, you go through some sort of dating script, and end up throwing heightened false attraction, flirting, and possibly sex at each other to try and make up for a lack of actual communication, to hide your insecurities and pretend everything is great. 3. Impenetrable walls being erected that no one can pull asunder or traverse sabotaging it. Either way, seems to be a lot of baggage is about to be dropped on his head. I just feel for the guy. |
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It is good to feel nervous it means you are still alive,no worries go out and have some fun.
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Just close your eyes it will all be over with very shortly at least that's what I tell them
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Crystal, sorry but aside from your trauma, I'm finding this discussion to be very interesting. You have No1Phd in a tither because Milo, his dog, garners more attention and affection than him. Look what you have achieved!! A vulnerable No1phd. Now that is quite an achievement. Go forth with your date with confidence. You are all powerful.
Grrrrrrrrrrr!! Watch it, tta. The girls know I'm the man!
Signed, Milo |
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Crystal, sorry but aside from your trauma, I'm finding this discussion to be very interesting. You have No1Phd in a tither because Milo, his dog, garners more attention and affection than him. Look what you have achieved!! A vulnerable No1phd. Now that is quite an achievement. Go forth with your date with confidence. You are all powerful.
Grrrrrrrrrrr!! Watch it, tta. The girls know I'm the man!
Signed, Milo Now this is what we are talking about Milo is adorable |
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Take a leap of faith :) you can do it!
You are just gonna meet him in person, who knows what's gonna happen really. Good luck! |
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Ahhhhh....the dreaded first date. Reminds me of the story in the Bible about Jesus. You see, this one day Jesus was kicking it in Jerusalem and this good looking gal walked by. Jesus, playing it cool got his crew, called The Disciples, to gather round him as he began to talk about some prophecy stuff. Then one of The Disciples....Pedro....he was like, "Yo Jesus man....how bout we get something better to drink than this water. We have this crap all da time". Now Jesus was put on the spot because now the girl was looking at him. She had heard the stories about him so she wanted to know if he was the real deal. Jesus smiled, tried to play it off, but then the girl approached him and gave him that look....you know the look I am talking about....that look of "I shaved my legs and wore this warm *** robe thingy for this"? Anyways, Jesus decides it's time to show this chick just who he is....and BAM.......water into wine! Next thing you know, Jesus and that girl are sitting at table (that he made) next to some other people, camels and such....sipping on wine and having their very first date. Moral of the story is.......You are not Jesus but a date is always smooth even when camels are nearby.
Hot dang it, Goof!! You have me read that tome just to say that?? LOL
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But yeah, I will have to think about what it is I fear so much, so hopefully come Thursday I will be more calm and collected. Right now I'm all over the place
Please forgive me for this insight. From what you post in the forums and the strong person you come across as, I am surprised you are so fearful. Now, If I might suggest, you seem to fear letting go of all your walls. This fella might be the one. This fella might prove to you that not all men are like your ex. And let me tell you that is flipping scary. I know everyone has said to you to be yourself. Let go of all expectations. Just go and have a nice time out. Laugh and if it does not work out and you feel nothing, then move on to the next fish in the sea. Good luck. Yes, indeed to everything you said I think, haha. And yes, flipping scary! Thank goodness I feel a lot better now than I did a few days ago. I'll just see what happens tomorrow and if nothing, then at least I worked through another layer of fear and stuff. It was bound to happen at some point ... |
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Crystal, sorry but aside from your trauma, I'm finding this discussion to be very interesting. You have No1Phd in a tither because Milo, his dog, garners more attention and affection than him. Look what you have achieved!! A vulnerable No1phd. Now that is quite an achievement. Go forth with your date with confidence. You are all powerful.
Thank you! And yeah, a vulnerable PhD ... still working on that ring ... that doesn't seem to be as easy. But who knows, I might get there in the end, lol. Gimme another year, I'm tenacious! |
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Wed 09/16/15 10:08 AM
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Some 2 weeks ago I 'met' a man online, couldn't see each other's pictures yet (that's the system of that dating site), but the conversation was good! For the first time in yonks, if not ever, a man that seemed to get me without me even saying all that much. It was almost freaky. Good exchange, although usually short, as we mostly exchanged messages whilst the other wasn't online. Then we did chat. He showed interest in me, he was respectful, lots of things in common. Basically a lot of what I'm looking for in a man. Just that he's not the type I'd usually fall for, the outside package I mean. Anyway, both agreeing you can't really tell until you meet, so we set a date. Sounds great, right? Well, I'm CHIT scared! After we set the date, I didn't feel happy at all, I felt deflated, not elated. My solar plexus was in a knot, actually aching. I was upset and confused. Talked to two gal pals and both came up with the exact same thing. Fear because of what happened in the past. Dang right I'm scared! "Stay in the moment! You're just meeting someone, it's not a proposal!" Yeah, I know. But still ... I'm bleeping scared! I knew some stuff would get triggered the moment I'd meet a nice man, regardless of him being the man or not. So much chit I've been through because of my ex, and I worked through most, but some things simply don't get triggered when you're on your own. So I knew at some point things would come up. But knowing and experiencing it, are two totally different things. So here I am, a man that seems to have the qualities I find important, and I'm close to bawling my eyes out ... Somehow thinking "Can someone PLEASE just bump into me in the supermarket and we both fall madly in love and that it? So I don't have to go through this chit?" Someone please save me? LOL. Dang, I hate this chit ... I'm gonna have a moment now to bawl my eyes out you are stepping outside your realm so to speak of the kind of guy you usually pick at least in the looks department yes? I think its pretty damn normal to have some reservations, some worries when you have not been in a relationship in awhile and the last one ended badly or had some major issues going on ya know what the problem is with being a strong woman...anytime you show the least bit of vulnerability or doubt people say " man what is wrong with her" like you are not allowed to be human
Yes, quite right, stepping outside my realm ... And no, I don't usually pick in the looks department. I have no problem feasting my eyes (who does?!) and if a date or the right guy happens to be good looking, I sure as he|| ain't complaining! But I'm more into personality and character. The only thing I do want is for a guy to be taller. . . |
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