As I said, I'm asking about something that's GENERALLY TRUE. Anyone can post what ever they want. But, the exceptions aren't what I'm asking about.

And what exactly are you basing these generalisations on? Personal experience? Statistics? You draw a distinction between opinion and fact but all of this is really just your opinion.

Ok. Why do you think it's generally true if many seem to disagree?

I based it first on a study I read a few years ago from the UK. They do all kinds of nutty studies over there about dating, sexual activity and such. When I first read it, I posted about it here and the vast majority of women agreed that they did make that decision in only a few seconds. I believed them.

I have a great deal of time to think while I'm driving around the USA. I started thinking about this and I started wondering, if women decide so quickly, why do they put it off. So, I asked.



I don't think it's true anymore. I now think women may be turned on by a man in only a few seconds, but that doesn't mean they've decided to have sex with him. Again, speaking generally.

Then I'm sure you understand the opinions women have been giving here aren't just exceptions. Glad you learned something in this thread.

But, what knocks me out is so many people (men and women) feel the need to to say "I'm not like that." When I read a generalization about men I first ask myself if it's true of men generally. If so, I try to explain it. Whether it's true of me is beside the point.

You're talking about a generalization you made that you came to the conclusion was not true. So of course people were going to say they weren't like that.

You're missing the point. Only a few people actually addressed the question. Everyone else posted about themselves.

Suppose someone asked; why do men cheat?

Now, I could say, not all men cheat. I've never cheated on any woman. And it would be true, but it doesn't address the question. It doesn't explain the motivations men have for cheating.

You're missing the point. Only a few people actually addressed the question. Everyone else posted about themselves.

Suppose someone asked; why do men cheat?

Now, I could say, not all men cheat. I've never cheated on any woman. And it would be true, but it doesn't address the question. It doesn't explain the motivations men have for cheating.

If you're speaking for others, you'll just be guessing and giving your opinion on why someone else might cheat.

For the question you asked, a woman saying she doesn't decide in a few seconds that she wants to have sex with someone is a legitimate answer. Why would women speak for other women rather than themselves on a topic like this?

Well Tex, I won't claim to have much of an insight into this apart from my own personal experience but I think some women do go into situations where they fully intend to sleep with a man but they will still say to the guy that they want to see how it goes and that they want to chat or have a cuddle and if sparks fly then have sex. I have been in that situation myself. If a woman comes back to your place "for coffee" as they say that does mean sex and that's understood but at the same time it's a little game where you don't just ask someone if they want to spend the night with you and obviously the woman could back out at any point if she became uncomfortable.

But, so few actually said they hadn't decided yet. All they said was they wanted to know him better. I kept asking, is she knows him well enough to know she wants sex from him (assuming she decided in a few seconds), she must know him well enough to actually have sex with him, right?

Almost no one addressed this.

So, here I was trying to figure out why a woman would know she'd have sex with a man sooner or later and still want to wait. The only answer I could come up with was the power play/head game.

The myth is not busted. Your question was : "What is she waiting for?"

So you are not so concerned about what she has decided but that if she has decided Yes, then why she won't do it RIGHT NOW, ON THE FIRST DATE.

The truth is, she has decided yes or no, but the question now is "when."

Between right now and her saying "yes" there are a thousand things you can do or say that will turn her yes to a no.

BUT if she has decided NO right off the bat, your chances having sex with her and changing her "no" to a "yes" are slim and none.

(You may have to think about that for a while...)

Now, let me make sure I'm understanding what you're suggesting.

She is sure she is going to have sex with this man. 100% No question in her mind. But, she's holding off to see him sweat?

Guess what, we're back to head games.

Not quite.

When a woman meets a man she is sure she would have sex with him... she is sure that she would say "yes" under the right circumstances. This is a definite "maybe" for the man.

Between that moment and the moment of her saying "yes" there are a thousand things a man can do or say to screw that up for himself and she will change her "yes" to a "no."

BUT when a woman meets a man she is sure she would never have sex with (there is no chemistry, or he creeps her out etc.) his chances of changing her mind are slim and none no matter what he says or does.


The subject of "head games" doesn't even apply to this topic.

And I agree that a guy can screw it up at the last second. But, if he can screw it up it must mean that she's undecided until she's actually involved in the act it self.

Tex man, there is a philisophical theory that we have different levels of desires. The theory states that we have first-order desires and second-order desires, which are desires about desires. Let's suppose that I want to get out of bed and do something productive but I am lazy. I have two first-order desires that are in conflict here. If I have a second-order desire to want to want to get out of bed that is supposedly my true will and if it becomes a volition and I do get out of bed an act of free will has supposedly occured. I don't know if you follow me but if this is the case perhaps you can begin to understand why someone may believe that they really want to do something but not do it.

Now you're back to not getting any answers other than they're playing head games? Have you been paying attention?

And you can't expect to get responses from tons of women here. These forums aren't active enough for you to get lots and lots of answers. But, going by how active it is, you did get responses.

I've met men and knew right away that I wanted to have sex with them. I've also met men and didn't know right away.

So, what you're actually saying is she's still undecided.



No, we're not back to head games.

The responses I got were unclear. So, based on the information I had, I drew a conclusion. It was wrong.



Well, it's my view that we do not have free will. We act on instincts. However, like Newton's laws of gravity, the free will hypothesis will get you by most of the time.

What I understand is that when people decide to do something, they do everything they can to do it. If a woman is looking for reasons NOT to have sex, she's undecided about it. If she was sure, she'd look for reason to do it.