A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of Indians. The Indians were all prepared to kill him when the chief announced that due to the celebration of the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he would die. "What do you want for your first wish?" asks the chief.

"I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy. He goes over to his horse and whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt. "What do you want for your second wish?" says the chief.

"I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy. Again, the cowboy whispers in the horses ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later, and the chief asks the cowboy "What do you want for your last wish?"

"I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy. He grabs the horse by the ears and yells,

"You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE!!!!"

Not So Fast

An Oklahoma rancher and a Texas rancher were discussing their spreads. The Oklahoma rancher said, "From my front porch my land goes as far as the eye can see and a little bit farther."
The Texan nodded. "That's mighty impressive." He said, then continued, "Well sir, I can get up at five o'clock in the mornin', hop in my pickup truck and drive all day and not reach the end of my land before dark."
The Oklahoma rancher nodded in return. "Yeah..., I had a truck like that once, but I finally got rid of the damn thing."



KiK

{internet Source}

A Good Policy

An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a rancher. “Look at it this way,” he said finally. “How would your wife carry on if you should die?”

“Well,” answered the rancher after giving it some thought, “I don’t reckon that’s any concern of mine, so long as she behaves herself while I’m alive.”

Cowboy in Heaven

A young cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates..
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered...
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen..
So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face ...
I then kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
I yelled, 'Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the s hit out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed. 'And when did all of this happen?' He asked.
The cowboy sheepishly looked down at his boots as he scuffed one across the cloud he stood on, then answered....

'Why just a couple of minutes ago...'

hahahaha

very funny...

The New Doctor

The old rancher took his wife to town to see the new doctor. He waited for her by the hitch rail while he shot the breeze with some other old timers. After a few minutes, he heard his wife scream, then she slammed through the door and nearly knocked him down. Finally, he calmed her enough to learn what the problem was.

After listening to her story, he helped her into the buckboard to wait for him while he settled things with this new upstart. He hitched his gun belt in place and marched in to confront the doctor.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" the rancher demanded of the doctor. "My wife is 63 years old. We have five grown children and eleven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor raised his eyebrows and asked, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

{Internet source}



Thank you folks i love a good laugh !

SMILE !
...Because YOU are worth it !


KiK

Why do cowgirls walk bow-legged?
Because Cowboys eat with their hats on

The Priest

A priest wanted to raise money for his church, and being told that there

was a future in horse racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter

him in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for a

horse was so steep that he ended up buying a donkey instead.

He figured that since he had it, he might just as well enter it in the

race. To his surprise, the Donkey came in third. The next day, the

racing sheet carried this headline: "PRIEST'S Azz SHOWS".

The priest was pleased with the donkey and entered it in the races

again. This time it won. The paper read: "PRIEST'S Azz OUT FRONT".

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the

priest not to enter the donkey in anymore races. The newspapers read:

"BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST'S Azz".

This was just too much for the bishop and he ordered the priest to get

rid of the donkey. The priest gave the donkey to a nun at a nearby

convent and the headlines read: "NUN HAS BEST Azz IN TOWN".

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to dispose

of the donkey. She sold it to a farmer for $10.00. The paper stated:

"NUN PEDDLES Azz FOR TEN BUCKS".

They buried the Bishop the next day......

{Internet source}


KiK

Tips for Cowboys...


Never squat with your spurs on!

~ Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.

~ There's two theories to arguin' with a woman.... Neither one works.

~ Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger than you think.

~ If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

~ Never ask a man the size of his spread.

~ After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

~ If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

~ Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

~ It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

~ Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

~ Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

~ Always drink upstream from the herd.

~ Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

~ If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

~ When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

~ When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

~ Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back.

~ Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

~ The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

~ Never miss a good chance to shut up.

{Internet source}

KiK

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture

Washington, D.C.

Dear Sir;

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.

As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.

My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1000 for not raising hogs.

If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.

Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise?

Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information you have on that too.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.

Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically Yours,
Bill

P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese.
{internet source}




KiK

Kik you are hilarious!!!!

And you are sweet as Mom's apple pie hon !
Thank you for being my friend...

The Birds and the Bees [ >> ]
A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four year old son standing at the fence with wide-eyes, soaking in the whole event.

The man thought to himself, "Great... he's four years old and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I guess I'll let him ask and then I'll answer."

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"



KiK

Farm Humor

Young Dave was courting Mabel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Dave's porch watching the sun go down over the hills, Dave spied his prize bull doing the business on one of his cows. He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Mabel.

He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, "Mabel, I'd sure like to be doing what that bull is doing."

"Well then, why don't you? "Mabel whispered back. "It is YOUR cow."



KiK

On a hot summer's day a country boy is pulling a wagon load of manure down a country two lane road in rural Alabama. The local sheriff (Bubba) pulls him over and starts to write him a citation. As the sheriff is standing next to the old boy's pickup some of the flies accompanying the manure wagon start to buzz him. He swats at the flies and cusses them "damn flies." The country boy speaks up and says "Them's circle flies...we calls 'em that cause back home on the farm they's always circling the horses ***."
"Boy, are you calling me a horse's ***?" says the angered Bubba.
The country boy replied "No sir, but you can't fool them flies."