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| Topic: Dominance | |
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Wed 10/31/12 09:48 AM
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So am I to understand that the only "good relationship" is an equal one?? Why is it so hard to believe that someone could be happy and content to be submissive in a relationship?? And if that person finds someone that makes them feel safe, comfortable, and loved, why is that Dominant person vilified?? Again; Greeneyes is just stating an opinion. She is not trying to convince you of what relationships work; its what works for her. I don't know why you feel the need to defend your view as she isn't attacking your opinion. You need not take this to heart or personally. Hell; some women believe that a good relationship means a man should beat them to keep them in line which is another form of Dom/Sub relationship. Who am I to say they are wrong but I know it doesn't work for me. |
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Edited by
GreenEyes48
on
Wed 10/31/12 01:38 PM
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Every time I use the terms "dom" and "sub" I still end up thinking about porn. And this feels weird!...For some reason it just seems disrespectful to refer to spouses as "doms" or "subs."...It's as if we're doing some kind of scientific research on different species. (Non human species.)...Anyway it's still weird to me.
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Every time I use the terms "dom" and "sub" I still end up thinking about porn. And this feels weird!...For some reason it just seems disrespectful to refer to spouses as "doms" or "subs."...It's as if we're doing some kind of scientific research on different species. (Non human species.)...Anyway it's still weird to me. I don't think porn; I just think they don't see their partners as equals. Sort of like father/mother to child relationship but guess it takes all kinds to make the world go round. 
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navygirl...The terminology ("dom/sub") or even dominant or submissive just doesn't "sit well" with me...My Mom would have a "field day" with all of this kind of talk. (If she were still alive.) She'd turn it all into a "Saturday Night Live" kind of skit or satire...I agree that each spouse may take the "lead" at times based on his/her skills in each particular area. But "input" is always "allowed" and "welcomed" and nobody makes a big deal about who is the "leader" (or not) in "equaltarian" type of marriages...Everyone remains modest and humble. If someone comes up with a better idea or plan along the way no one takes "offense." Or has "ego issues" etc...All that matters is that a job "gets done" and problems get "resolved" one way or another. Don't you think? Oh; I totally agree with you. I think when both in a relationship walk side by side; there is more room for growth and especially knowledge. I think the dom/sub relationships are good in the short term but eventually it stops working. The dom person gets bored with the sub person or the sub person gets tired of being ordered around like a child. It was an interesting read but I was reading articles that in these types of relationships; one of the spouses is much more likely to cheat because of the relationships being so unbalanced. |
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Wed 10/31/12 01:51 PM
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I prefer a man that is in between. He knows when to be dominant and when to be submissive. That is a very Wise man.lol
I am somewhere in between. |
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navygirl...My first husband didn't boss me around. But he wanted to remain the "same." He seemed to have a lot of fears when it came to changes...I wanted to grow and spread my "wings" and try on new "hats" etc..I think he had a lot of hidden insecurities that held him back...My "last" husband kept looking inside of himself for brand new interests and talents...He didn't want to "settle" for a life of roles and ruts and routines. And I didn't either!
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navygirl...My first husband didn't boss me around. But he wanted to remain the "same." He seemed to have a lot of fears when it came to changes...I wanted to grow and spread my "wings" and try on new "hats" etc..I think he had a lot of hidden insecurities that held him back...My "last" husband kept looking inside of himself for brand new interests and talents...He didn't want to "settle" for a life of roles and ruts and routines. And I didn't either! Ah; understood that your first husband wanted a routine. I think that is a valid point that these men are insecure about any type of changes. I see it all the time. Like the guy that said he couldn't date me because I knew too much. In other words; he wanted dumber.
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navygirl...My first husband didn't boss me around. But he wanted to remain the "same." He seemed to have a lot of fears when it came to changes...I wanted to grow and spread my "wings" and try on new "hats" etc..I think he had a lot of hidden insecurities that held him back...My "last" husband kept looking inside of himself for brand new interests and talents...He didn't want to "settle" for a life of roles and ruts and routines. And I didn't either! Ah; understood that your first husband wanted a routine. I think that is a valid point that these men are insecure about any type of changes. I see it all the time. Like the guy that said he couldn't date me because I knew too much. In other words; he wanted dumber.
That's crazy! It's sad that the guy didn't want to grow and expand his mind...My "last" husband thought about things on his own everyday. And I did too....Life was interesting because we had daily discussions about all kinds of topics. We both had "inquiring minds!"....My "first" husband tried to "shut things down" when a topic came up that he didn't know much about to "save face" I guess...I don't think that we are "born smart." (Or not!)...I think we have to work at increasing our intelligence and becoming more and more well-rounded. And sometimes this involves being a "student" all over again and learning from others. Or doing extensive research etc...Don't you think?...My "last" husband took a lot of pride in being well-rounded and he "worked at it" everyday. He could carry on a decent conversation with anyone! (Men or women...Young or old....Well-to-do or poor people...People from every walk of life!) He always found some "common ground!" And he amazed me! |
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Wed 10/31/12 03:26 PM
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navygirl...My first husband didn't boss me around. But he wanted to remain the "same." He seemed to have a lot of fears when it came to changes...I wanted to grow and spread my "wings" and try on new "hats" etc..I think he had a lot of hidden insecurities that held him back...My "last" husband kept looking inside of himself for brand new interests and talents...He didn't want to "settle" for a life of roles and ruts and routines. And I didn't either! Ah; understood that your first husband wanted a routine. I think that is a valid point that these men are insecure about any type of changes. I see it all the time. Like the guy that said he couldn't date me because I knew too much. In other words; he wanted dumber.
That's crazy! It's sad that the guy didn't want to grow and expand his mind...My "last" husband thought about things on his own everyday. And I did too....Life was interesting because we had daily discussions about all kinds of topics. We both had "inquiring minds!"....My "first" husband tried to "shut things down" when a topic came up that he didn't know much about to "save face" I guess...I don't think that we are "born smart." (Or not!)...I think we have to work at increasing our intelligence and becoming more and more well-rounded. And sometimes this involves being a "student" all over again and learning from others. Or doing extensive research etc...Don't you think?...My "last" husband took a lot of pride in being well-rounded and he "worked at it" everyday. He could carry on a decent conversation with anyone! (Men or women...Young or old....Well-to-do or poor people...People from every walk of life!) He always found some "common ground!" And he amazed me! Greeneyes; you are correct that its sad but that is the way our society is. I have found men don't like it when you level the playing field. Your last husband was a keeper and I can see why you miss him so much. He was open minded and sounds like he encouraged growth in your relationship rather than letting things get stagnant. I think that is what makes life worth living is learning new things; exploring new things. Goodness knows my job is boring enough; why would I want my personal life the same way? To me there is no point to go on living if I have to be in a rut or a routine life. This is why I volunteer my time as it gives me some purpose for being on this planet. |
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navygirl...I haven't dealt with "other men" for 30-plus years...I've had a few "odd" experiences with male neighbors but I keep to myself most of the time...I asked one longtime family friend and neighbor if he'd help me cut-up boxes (for 2 days) when I was in the final countdown to moving things out of my son's house. And I paid him for helping me...The first day went fine. But he seemed to move into the "man of the house" and dominant role the second day! It was so weird and so surprising!...I let him "go" early and just finished the rest of the work by myself...I told him that we were obviously experiencing some culture-clashes and misunderstandings...We parted ways on a "decent note." It was sad because he had a massive heart attack and died about 6 weeks later. (And he was a couple of years younger than me.)...The experience was definitely an "eye-opener" for me. All men are not like my husband!
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navygirl...I haven't dealt with "other men" for 30-plus years...I've had a few "odd" experiences with male neighbors but I keep to myself most of the time...I asked one longtime family friend and neighbor if he'd help me cut-up boxes (for 2 days) when I was in the final countdown to moving things out of my son's house. And I paid him for helping me...The first day went fine. But he seemed to move into the "man of the house" and dominant role the second day! It was so weird and so surprising!...I let him "go" early and just finished the rest of the work by myself...I told him that we were obviously experiencing some culture-clashes and misunderstandings...We parted ways on a "decent note." It was sad because he had a massive heart attack and died about 6 weeks later. (And he was a couple of years younger than me.)...The experience was definitely an "eye-opener" for me. All men are not like my husband! Well; I have to say you aren't missing anything over the last 30 years. As I said your husband was rare much like my friend Lee but there are way too few of those men out there. |
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I prefer a man that is in between. He knows when to be dominant and when to be submissive. That is a very Wise man.lol I am somewhere in between. |
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navygirl...I haven't dealt with "other men" for 30-plus years...I've had a few "odd" experiences with male neighbors but I keep to myself most of the time...I asked one longtime family friend and neighbor if he'd help me cut-up boxes (for 2 days) when I was in the final countdown to moving things out of my son's house. And I paid him for helping me...The first day went fine. But he seemed to move into the "man of the house" and dominant role the second day! It was so weird and so surprising!...I let him "go" early and just finished the rest of the work by myself...I told him that we were obviously experiencing some culture-clashes and misunderstandings...We parted ways on a "decent note." It was sad because he had a massive heart attack and died about 6 weeks later. (And he was a couple of years younger than me.)...The experience was definitely an "eye-opener" for me. All men are not like my husband! Well; I have to say you aren't missing anything over the last 30 years. As I said your husband was rare much like my friend Lee but there are way too few of those men out there. |
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Here is your "job description." And this is my "job description."...This is the "formula" we're going to use to run our marriage...Here is our "business plan!"...You take care of your duties and I'll handle my duties...I'm in charge of "x, y and z!" And you're responsible for "a, b and c."...Don't sway or vary from your roles and duties. Stay in your "corner." Don't tread on my "territory!"...Never ever step out of "character!" Let's stay on "track" and follow the "formula" and we'll be "fine" and "safe" and "home free!"...No rebels or renegades allowed! No "game-changers!" No twists or turns or surprises!...This is who you're "suppose to be!" And this is my role in the scheme of things!...Pink for girls! And blue for boys! Don't mess things up or try to pull a "switcheroo!"
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I prefer balance!
a lot has to do with chemistry and how the couple interacts with each other.. I'm strong and independent so I wouldn't be interested in a relationship where my partner was either a dictator or a push over.. 
I don't know everything.. but I know enough not to be treated like an idiot NOR am I looking to be mother to another kid! 
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navygirl...I haven't dealt with "other men" for 30-plus years...I've had a few "odd" experiences with male neighbors but I keep to myself most of the time...I asked one longtime family friend and neighbor if he'd help me cut-up boxes (for 2 days) when I was in the final countdown to moving things out of my son's house. And I paid him for helping me...The first day went fine. But he seemed to move into the "man of the house" and dominant role the second day! It was so weird and so surprising!...I let him "go" early and just finished the rest of the work by myself...I told him that we were obviously experiencing some culture-clashes and misunderstandings...We parted ways on a "decent note." It was sad because he had a massive heart attack and died about 6 weeks later. (And he was a couple of years younger than me.)...The experience was definitely an "eye-opener" for me. All men are not like my husband! Well; I have to say you aren't missing anything over the last 30 years. As I said your husband was rare much like my friend Lee but there are way too few of those men out there. He He. You are too funny and yes I am so glad to have met you here as I consider you a good friend. Yeah; I guess we could be thought of dominant but I think its more that we are good leaders. The best leaders are the ones that will share the responsibility and know the value of team work. We are taught leadership skills in the military and they drill into your head the aspect of teamwork more than just barking out orders. You and your husband were wise enough to see the importance of teamwork but most couples can't grasp that. |
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I prefer balance! a lot has to do with chemistry and how the couple interacts with each other.. I'm strong and independent so I wouldn't be interested in a relationship where my partner was either a dictator or a push over..
I don't know everything.. but I know enough not to be treated like an idiot NOR am I looking to be mother to another kid!
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navygirl...Do you ever feel like an "alien" who was dropped-off on some "weird planet" without understanding "why?"..Why are we so different? And where's the rest of our "tribe?"....I know my husband felt this way too! (All his life!)...So I really wouldn't consider us "dominant forces" in society! We're definitely way off on the sidelines and "fringe!"...But like you I can't pretend to be someone else...How did you handle "silly squabbles" when you were in "charge?"...How did you promote a "team spirit?" Versus "ego's" running "amok?"
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All's fair in love and war. When it comes to war we need to show dominace, but in love life has to compromise to each others' benefit. It can not alway's be one way.
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There will alway's be one that is dominant, that's a natural part of life in a relationship. Although, there is also pleasure (broad meaning) in giving to your partner for both sides.
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