True Sweet...And ya know, all of us, hopefully, reach a point in our lives (grow up) when we understand and accept that dirty fighting is not the way to win the war..The old saying applies..."She won the battle, but lost the war".... To think when you are in a relationship there will not be arguments is pure insanity, if you are emotionally invested, you are going to argue...It is how you argue that makes or breaks....Pick your fight, pick it carefully...I DON"T LIKE FIGHTING, BUT I HATE THE SILENT TREATMENT.....

agreed. I don't care for it either. All I was saying is that both parties have to be rational to have the convo you were suggesting, AND it is a great way to handle things!

If a rational conversation can be had, have one, if one cannot be had I am uninterested in continuing the relationship anyways . . . no need to go silent, I just leave.

I'll buy that...

I agree with this.

where there's a choice in a personal relationship I tend to agree, however, there can be situations where it's not always possible to just walk away - where u have to deal with the situation

but that is a unique factor in my work, possilby - so I really have had to learn to deal with the irrational (lucky me )

even in a deep emotional love relationship both partners usually have times when they are not thinking completely rationally....but then I have had those types of relationships where the love & the bond was was very strong so I know what that is like.

The places where I've seen the silent treatment come up most often are those in which there are factors that make walking away far more difficult - like having a child together, or owning a house together, or being in a marriage.

I'd have to wonder about those who have such big responsibilities to take care of giving each other the silent treatment. If they can't handle rational discussion and have to ignore someone instead, that certainly does say a lot about them.

really it says more about those who judge without having walked in those shoes I think

I agree - I think if a "cooling off" period goes on too long it does become the silent treatment, and if that goes on too long it is manipulative - we all know that too much of that in a relationship can be the beginning of the end

I know this is horrible but I have literally gotten so mad that I stormed off, went in the bedroom, locked myself in, turned up the stereo and took a nap with a boyfriend banging on the door screaming at me trying to finish a fight until I had something other than swear words or "drop dead" to say to him.

I think many would consider that cooling off.

I agree that there is something wrong with a relationship reaching that level when there are such basic relationship destroying flaws - like the flaw of not respecting another persons distance or silence.

But we see this problem of 'reaching that level' all the time. It seems to be the norm. Young people especially rush into marriages and shared commitments or accidentally have kids without really knowing themselves or their partners.

As far 'having rational discussions', I've seen it play out both ways. I've seen it when the person who chooses silence seems to not be able to handle rational discussions, and I've seen it where the person chooses silence because the other person was incapable of having a rational discussion.


Small bit of a tangent here - when it comes to conversations about preferences, choices, actions and feelings, even rationality itself can be a means of controlling another person. It is human for our preferences and feelings and even some of our choices to be irrational, and I've seen situations where one partner manipulates the other using the shared premise that we ought to be rational.

They say there's a time for everything.
Yet if the silence goes beyond what is normal it is already an extensive behavior that calls for special attention.

If an individual excessively utilizes a silent treatment, he/she seeks special attention. Other than that, he/she simply wants to be a pain, so better learn to enjoy disappointment.

The silent treatment, silent by deadly...Kind of like a silent fart if you know what I mean...

Leigh, I think it depends. Like with one person I dated who was long distance and the king of get pizzed and then not answer the phone. Ya, I left him over that among other things. If I go lock myself in the bedroom for an hour, you need to respect that because if I am trying to sleep off the urge to punch a wall and you go ripping the covers off me and screaming more, you may get punched instead of the wall.

I really don't see the point of the silent treatment.
If its over, its over, say so and get on with your life.But at least be decent about it to the other person.

The "Silent treatment" works....

It cuts deep and is very effective. It draws out pain, tears and remorse.


I ain't proud when I say that the "Silent treatment" is an option.....but you got to be retarded to think that it ain't an option. The "Silent Treatment" is a perfectly legtimate way to gain capitulation and understanding.....

You think withdrawing into your shell doesnt work? Ask a Armadillo or a snail.

Can't they get stepped on and crushed to death while they are hiding in their shell and not looking?