Now Lex, you know that it is hard for a woman to believe that you don't want the full blown relationship treatment especially if enough time passes..lol

There are a few out there but they are not the norm.

Maybe people try to mirror what you tell them you want to establish the relationship. The trouble is it doesn't take long to figure out that the package they presented isn't actually them at all. You try to discuss it and they dismiss that anything is different or wrong. I'm usually out of it by the end of a month tops. I have a hard time dealing with lying and not following through with what you promise-dealbreakers for me.

vs your god?

Wow do I know this one. And then compound it by having nature give you a disability that requires you have to ask for help or not survive. Then you really go bonkers.

in a manner of speaking haha. itd get intricate if we got into that convo ^.^

True. Very true. But then again, some enjoy pain, in or out of fantasy. I don't, but I am just saying that some do.

denial is usually the problem

denial of all those little things that will later become BIG things,,

Fear....wrapped in vulnerability, insecurity, and deception...fear is what strips relationships to the bone, dries up the rich marrow and leaves it decomposing.

No expectations, No obligations....live in truth and cause no intentional harm to self or others....is how to have alive-ness in all relationships.

I can agree. I don't do fear or vulnerability well at all. I try to analyze why I feel fear always because it is usually some outdated old residual auto reaction from times gone by or a taught reaction that needs to go bye bye. Vulnerability is something I am still working on allowing myself. Obligations, I try to limit to just what I have to do for myself. What I do for others is not an obligation, it is a gift from me to them given freely with no expectations.

I agree with this! Dealt with the alcohol, drugs, lies, and a crap ton of other bs too! I take care of myself, but allow friends & family to help if needed and help them when I can! That's what friends are for...to help you maintain health and happiness!

I have found in the last week, so many opportunities to speak my fears....to be quietly honest, and speak them...to an open heart who was wanting to listen.

We found when they were sat between us...they lost their power, he was not responsible for my fears, I was not responsible for his...but laid out bare, between us, we could gently acknowledge the pasts, and let them go....not carry or burden each other with them....no trickery, no smoke and mirror games...

I am obligated to myself ONLY to be my authentic self....flawed and yet perfect, for me.

The time for me to run from a relationship is when I discover alcoholism or METH! Pot is bad enough but people don't die from it becasue of crime or over dose! Also there are the issues involved with dealing with another person's additions. At that point the trust is killed completely! Why? You CAN'T trust an addict! If I don't have any pot I am bummed but I am not out stealing to get more. An Alcoholic or a drug addict when desperate will do anything to get their next fix! Lie cheat and steal.

The sex is not worth it no matter how anyone argues. She could be hot as the sun and still be a total looser. Still, loneliness makes everyone make mistakes!

The time for me to run from a relationship is when I discover alcoholism or METH! Pot is bad enough but people don't die from it becasue of crime or over dose! Also there are the issues involved with dealing with another person's additions. At that point the trust is killed completely! Why? You CAN'T trust an addict! If I don't have any pot I am bummed but I am not out stealing to get more. An Alcoholic or a drug addict when desperate will do anything to get their next fix! Lie cheat and steal.

The sex is not worth it no matter how anyone argues. She could be hot as the sun and still be a total looser. Still, loneliness makes everyone make mistakes!

i assumed that the girl i was sleeping with was only sleeping with me. it was definitely a problem for me when i found out otherwise.


. . .

Hmmm for me it has always been, drugs alcohol and other women, not sure if I drive them to drink and then other women or its just a disease they all catch...

Not sure what happened to the simple truth, like ..Hey I have found someone else..

What you listed: drugs, alcohol and promiscuity, are all addictive. And like most addictions, they all are destructive.

I gave up all three:

Drugs when I was 20;
drinks when I was 26;
women (prostitutes) when I was 45.

And guess what: I am less messed up now than then. But which caused which (the messedupness the addictions, or the addicitons the messupedness) I am sure the first.

Dragoness, baby, what's with me? You replied to everyone's response to your topic, except to mine.

What's up? I am leprotic, or have a head missing or two?

Why the big discrimination?

Please analyze my situation and say a few wise words to me, too. I was completely honest with my answer, and well-organized, so I do believe I am deserving and honest answer. I put work, effort, and no shame into answering your original call. I need to be rewarded for it by being elevated to that level of respect, where a person gets acknowledged for his reply.

Thanks.

If I'm being honest, it's probably me.

I would have to agree on the assumptions and expectations. Like when her father and mother gave me good advice that I had the opportunity to bail I should have taken it. But the impatience of youth like wanting to get laid and showing them I was mature enough for a relationship I guess I didn't look for I leaped. But I was unfortunate as I didn't have a crystal ball or a time machine. I think it really sucks that hindsight always comes after. Later, after reading a lot of whodunit books and taking literature classes I learned the importance of foreshadowing. I mainly only used my own brain to think with which was poor judgment on my part. I should have listened more closely to my dad when he would say after I would try to offer up some excuse for my behavior the famous lines of, "I thought..." where he would always interrupt me by saying, "No that is your trouble, son...You don't think." I mean in my own defense...How do you answer that? So because I wouldn't pay attention to others I would just had to go out and make my own mistakes. "Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him well."

I like this too and I have to say I'm guilty as charged

I can't seem to shake the habit of thinking that the object of my affections is going to behave as I do...sometimes he's actually better behaved

but regardless of who is doing what it usually causes a stir up when we shake the other persons belief about what is happening -or about who we are (their belief about us) those things are normal, I think

it's how friends or couples (who are hopefully friends...) deal with it that determines what happens next