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| Topic: What causes most hardships in most of your relationships? | |
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Mods I am putting it in general because it covers all relationships. I have noticed that it is almost always unknown assumptions and unknown expectations that seem to be the cause of most problems in all relationships. Unknown usually because the person expects the other person to know it without having said it. Of course, this also indicates a breakdown of communications. What do you think? yea or nay i assumed that the girl i was sleeping with was only sleeping with me. it was definitely a problem for me when i found out otherwise. . . . you know I'm actually glad to hear this has happened to a man too - things are so different now - yrs ago before my marriage morals were different - usually once a friendship progressed to intimacy, fidelity was a given - oh, maybe it was just my social circle at that time... |
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Honesty has always been a hardship for me. I think it has caused me to get into fights before. I think it is because when two people get honest with each at the same time it can cause problems in communications. Because when I did it it would always seemed to get the other person riled. I could assume that maybe people should take turns in being honest with each other.
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Mods I am putting it in general because it covers all relationships. I have noticed that it is almost always unknown assumptions and unknown expectations that seem to be the cause of most problems in all relationships. Unknown usually because the person expects the other person to know it without having said it. Of course, this also indicates a breakdown of communications. What do you think? yea or nay Fear....wrapped in vulnerability, insecurity, and deception...fear is what strips relationships to the bone, dries up the rich marrow and leaves it decomposing. No expectations, No obligations....live in truth and cause no intentional harm to self or others....is how to have alive-ness in all relationships. I can agree. I don't do fear or vulnerability well at all. I try to analyze why I feel fear always because it is usually some outdated old residual auto reaction from times gone by or a taught reaction that needs to go bye bye. Vulnerability is something I am still working on allowing myself. Obligations, I try to limit to just what I have to do for myself. What I do for others is not an obligation, it is a gift from me to them given freely with no expectations. I have found in the last week, so many opportunities to speak my fears....to be quietly honest, and speak them...to an open heart who was wanting to listen. We found when they were sat between us...they lost their power, he was not responsible for my fears, I was not responsible for his...but laid out bare, between us, we could gently acknowledge the pasts, and let them go....not carry or burden each other with them....no trickery, no smoke and mirror games... I am obligated to myself ONLY to be my authentic self....flawed and yet perfect, for me. just WOW...you said this perfectly! A friend has recently helped me realize this and what a beautiful feeling it is to love & trust yourself 
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I believe we are interconnected and obligated to each other and the whole of humanity
that u cannot escape it and how you choose and one acts (behaves) , things one says impact us all so for example, an act of violence defiles not just its immediate victim, but all of us I know it's hard to understand but in honor one is obligated to all is my thought |
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Ummmm....how about talking to each other so the unknown becomes known? It doesn't always work out that way, and for those that are on the net. There seems to be more of a problem with communication then there is face to face. People tend to get caught up in this fantasy world where anyone can be anything they wont you to believe. Dating today on the net has caused more problems then what these sits are actually meant for. So when it comes to communication. People lack this big time on the net. |
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Edited by
Ladylid2012
on
Fri 05/20/11 01:56 PM
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assumptions and expectations and conditional love
were all guilty of it at one time or another. assuming that just because someone loves us that they know our every thought and feeling, then being hurt or pissed to find out maybe they don't. expectating one who loves us to 'complete' us... such silly-ness, only we can do that. conditional love....putting stipulations on the depth of our love for another, not only romatically but children, parents, friends. At any moment we can fall out of favor because the conditions were not met.... usually conditions put there by our own assumptions and expectations |
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Impatience, shyness...
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Ummmm....how about talking to each other so the unknown becomes known? It doesn't always work out that way, and for those that are on the net. There seems to be more of a problem with communication then there is face to face. People tend to get caught up in this fantasy world where anyone can be anything they wont you to believe. Dating today on the net has caused more problems then what these sits are actually meant for. So when it comes to communication. People lack this big time on the net. I think that depends on who ur talking to and about what |
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Ummmm....how about talking to each other so the unknown becomes known? It doesn't always work out that way, and for those that are on the net. There seems to be more of a problem with communication then there is face to face. People tend to get caught up in this fantasy world where anyone can be anything they wont you to believe. Dating today on the net has caused more problems then what these sits are actually meant for. So when it comes to communication. People lack this big time on the net. I think that depends on who ur talking to and about what Ill agree, I attract some interesting women 
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Edited by
sweetestgirl11
on
Fri 05/20/11 09:33 PM
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Ummmm....how about talking to each other so the unknown becomes known? It doesn't always work out that way, and for those that are on the net. There seems to be more of a problem with communication then there is face to face. People tend to get caught up in this fantasy world where anyone can be anything they wont you to believe. Dating today on the net has caused more problems then what these sits are actually meant for. So when it comes to communication. People lack this big time on the net. I think that depends on who ur talking to and about what Ill agree, I attract some interesting women
and such be your good fortune
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Other the lady is NOT relly deep about a life partner,,as she mis-lead me to THAT,,or its because they have someone elseon the side..or on the TOP,,,,lol,,as I would be put aside....lol.
Thats my only two....  
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Hmmm for me it has always been, drugs alcohol and other women, not sure if I drive them to drink and then other women or its just a disease they all catch... Not sure what happened to the simple truth, like ..Hey I have found someone else.. 
What you listed: drugs, alcohol and promiscuity, are all addictive. And like most addictions, they all are destructive. I gave up all three: Drugs when I was 20; drinks when I was 26; women (prostitutes) when I was 45. And guess what: I am less messed up now than then. But which caused which (the messedupness the addictions, or the addicitons the messupedness) I am sure the first. I seem to attract people who are addicted easily, No, I think its my fault as i always picked people who needed me, instead of people who had their lives a little bit in order, I think I thought I could save the world Well at least help them,
But they don't need help, they need to help themselves, so I am useless with anyone who needs me as I tend to just do it all and make it easy so they dont have to.. It always leads to disaster./ |
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The Assumption that Trust is Mutual I like this too and I have to say I'm guilty as charged I can't seem to shake the habit of thinking that the object of my affections is going to behave as I do...sometimes he's actually better behaved
but regardless of who is doing what it usually causes a stir up when we shake the other persons belief about what is happening -or about who we are (their belief about us) those things are normal, I think it's how friends or couples (who are hopefully friends...) deal with it that determines what happens next Of course whoever I love is going to be faithful and wonderful forever 
Hmmmmm Not sure why I still believe itas it hasnt been that way yet. but I just don't want to think it could ever be any other way. |
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Honesty has always been a hardship for me. I think it has caused me to get into fights before. I think it is because when two people get honest with each at the same time it can cause problems in communications. Because when I did it it would always seemed to get the other person riled. I could assume that maybe people should take turns in being honest with each other. I always ended up not game to say anything, as somehow it ended up twisted into something completely different that i wasnt even saying, I hate it when my words turn into something that they arnt supposed to be.. |
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Ummmm....how about talking to each other so the unknown becomes known? It doesn't always work out that way, and for those that are on the net. There seems to be more of a problem with communication then there is face to face. People tend to get caught up in this fantasy world where anyone can be anything they wont you to believe. Dating today on the net has caused more problems then what these sits are actually meant for. So when it comes to communication. People lack this big time on the net. I found in real life I had more trouble, on here I can just be who I am as I don't get shy and can say what I feel. and I was lucky as the man I met was completely honest about who he was so when we met there where no surprises. I'm not sure what people think is going to happen when they meet if they are different on here.v Then the person you think you could love is not really there at all. |
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Mods I am putting it in general because it covers all relationships. I have noticed that it is almost always unknown assumptions and unknown expectations that seem to be the cause of most problems in all relationships. Unknown usually because the person expects the other person to know it without having said it. Of course, this also indicates a breakdown of communications. What do you think? yea or nay I think the bigest hardship in any relationship with me whether its lover, friends, or family is my strength. I hate depending on anyone, leaning on anyone, or asking for any help. Its my pride that has made me that way I suppose. Wow do I know this one. And then compound it by having nature give you a disability that requires you have to ask for help or not survive. Then you really go bonkers. Actually I was in a bad car accident in 2003; had neck, back, and such bad knee problems that I couldn't walk. I still didn't ask for help. How stubborn is that? |
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Let me start off by saying that there is not a "perfect" relationship when you use the word perfect to describe the actual realtioship. Now, I do believe that two people can be perfectly made for one another. It is up to them to see it, and to realize it, and seize it. And even while these two individuals are perfect for one another, they will still have trials and tribulations. And, I believe, the one problem that is at the top of most couple's lists' is communication.
You can't assume that just because you are in tune with your partner that he/she knows what you are thinking. People aren't mind readers. So you have to take the neccessary steps to communicate. I know. Easier said than done. But think about it. If you truly love someone, then why would you not be forthcoming with them? Why just hold that it? Why? Why? Why? That's easy. Some people over analyze things. "Maybe I shouldn't tell Jane about how I really don't like her meatloaf. I will just suffer through one meal just so she is happy." Silly things like this can lead to real problems down the road. True. You tell her that her meatloaf stinks, she is gonna be hurt. But it will heal. She will realize you were honest. And she will know that you will not hold back. If she asks you for an opinion, you will give it to her. I know guy code normally warns to always tell a "white lie" cause it does suck to see your woman upset. But she can get back at you when she tastes your horrible Mac N' Cheese. It all balances out. |
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This ^ is EXACTLY why I refuse to eat anyone else's cooking.
There can only be one meatloaf in her apartment. Put two in there, and there is going to be fought a most terrible duel. (I just thought, that the expression "most terrible duel" sent shrivels of excitement of fear down people's spines no more than up to two hundred years ago. Yep. This sort of thing was the CSI of yesteryears.) |
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Let me start off by saying that there is not a "perfect" relationship when you use the word perfect to describe the actual realtioship. Now, I do believe that two people can be perfectly made for one another. It is up to them to see it, and to realize it, and seize it. And even while these two individuals are perfect for one another, they will still have trials and tribulations. And, I believe, the one problem that is at the top of most couple's lists' is communication. You can't assume that just because you are in tune with your partner that he/she knows what you are thinking. People aren't mind readers. So you have to take the neccessary steps to communicate. I know. Easier said than done. But think about it. If you truly love someone, then why would you not be forthcoming with them? Why just hold that it? Why? Why? Why? That's easy. Some people over analyze things. "Maybe I shouldn't tell Jane about how I really don't like her meatloaf. I will just suffer through one meal just so she is happy." Silly things like this can lead to real problems down the road. True. You tell her that her meatloaf stinks, she is gonna be hurt. But it will heal. She will realize you were honest. And she will know that you will not hold back. If she asks you for an opinion, you will give it to her. I know guy code normally warns to always tell a "white lie" cause it does suck to see your woman upset. But she can get back at you when she tastes your horrible Mac N' Cheese. It all balances out. I think normally you start out talking , then if one tends to overeact, you just stop, it save anyone being angry with yo0u, or just thinking you are saying something that you wherent.. But it is very special to have someone you can share with, without worry about their reaction and knowing that they are not about to jump down your neck. then you can make it work |
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What causes most hardships in most of your relationships?
drugs, alcohol and lies. the terrible threesome. Hey now, the music drug is a good one to keep taking! |
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