For riding a Harley naked through town

For having stolen the Harley later!

kidnapping

stealing all the candy

For keeping all the dark chocolate for herself when the police arrived at the candy factory.

For breaking mens hearts

For trying to "kidnap" me to New York.


(((Christine)))

For shamelessly bankrolling Poodle Racing!

arrested by U.S. Park police for chaining himself to a fence at the White House.

For stealing yogi bears picnic basket and running off with the forest rangers wife

Arrested for yelling at pigeons while attempting to feed bluejays in the park.

Cutting the grass in Central Park with his riding lawn mower.

For mis-filing one of 73 Chinese to-go menus at the office.

For hosting **** fights

For not leaving the house for too many sunny days in a row.

For breaking in to the Lincoln Park Zoo and strangling the life out of every god damned chimpanzee in the monkey house while children stare at you through the thick glass windows and cry and scream and beg you to stop. Don't they understand?!? You would love nothing more than to stop. Than to let these stupid apes go about their day. Eat bananas and continue their ribald antics? You are doing this for them! For the children! You can't let them live in a world dominated by god damned stinking apes! You cannot and will not! I've seen the future god dammit, and call me old fashioned, but I feel like when a man sees the future he has a god damned responsibility to the children!

Well, ok....but I'm not a man! I do see the future, but....in it you're being arrested for putting old fashioned eye drops in all the old fashioneds you make to give everyone the runs.

Marry me.

He used the word "ribald", are you sure you want to marry him?!