I'm smiling at you all and everyone else!!!!

pacific star -- I'm talking wiht in days of sleeping wiht some one -- not weeks --- the first break up had to do with him lying to me about drugs and him not doing them and then coming off of them, I stood by him and went through the hell of it all. After he flipped out and kicked my son out at age 14 I had to leave with my son.
Has nothing to do with "pining" it had to do with some one who i gave my heart too and some one who came around wanting us back together and appologizing, some one who I could actually see our dreams building a life together.....I guess I'm just different when I give myself to some one -- it is me all of me just just small part and I would work on trying to make things work.
I'm hurting because of some one being able to throw a supposed love away and not work on anything and hop into bed sharing something extremely intamate wiht some one else wiht in 48 hours --- at least I could never do something like that unless I never really loved that person -- of course then I could never jump into bed with any one in that short of a time anyway.

I'm in Albert LEa -- the town of NOTHING. Moved here ot run away form everything and start over but yet transfer with my job. I found out about a lot of things because I had the wonderful oppertunity (yes this is being sarcastic)to have a job were his exsleeping partner-coworker..etc... also worked and a year of hell is what I call it went on but I needed the benefits I could retain wiht this job. I moved away from all my familiarity to start a life over -- with him and luckily my daughter and the baby came with me.
Now I'm stuck here away form my other kids, away from anything I know -- no zoo's, volunteering for anything animals is nil -- not even a bird habitat here! Not even an area that plays good music to go out to dance! the basement isn't doen yet for me to get started wiht the work shop area so I can't do that either yet and it is soaked down there with all this rain again YIKES!
Tomorrow i have off and hope the rain subsides as I will be going ot watch a friends kids football game -- 9th grader --- sure miss watching kids that age play!!
I'm a tad better this morning -- at least no tears have fallen yet and even writing this i can keep them subsided.

Thanks everyone. I know I'm a strong person in here some where! With all I've been through this should be a walk in the park -- just the norm of "he was suppose to be SO different" UHG I being so gullable!! He was differnt in how he presented himself -- just ended up being the same that I seem to attract deep inside.

just keep the prayers coming cause I gave him everything -- including living my the security of all my familiarity and what I knew.

Bj

guess it is time to grow up and and and do something!! Now is the time i REALLY need to be on a farm!! Nothing to do here to get my mind off of everything! rainy like cats and dogs out YUCK
I no -- no candy for the next one until he proves himself!! haahaa -- I just want to go to sleep but can't -- guess I'm going ot try again.

Thanks

well you can't call it cheating if you broke it off right? SO I have no rights especially since I broke it off to even feel this way! That's what is so horrible! I feel like there is something wrong wiht me at this point. Like I'm some sort of control freak or something...
guess it just hurts ... why can't I get mad as heck instead of being a blubbering idiot UHG. I just need to some how gain composer for work tomorrow and the rest of the time!

Well say some prayers for me huh? THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I could just go out and get looped and dance and be able to even kiss some one else!!! Maybe I'm just too much of a prude and old fashioned for my own good!!
Believe me I've prayed!!! Still am and always will. I even cleaned all his pics out of my computer!!

OK here it goes and I'm going insane on this .. even broke down at work. I broek it off and with the history of us -- I found out about lies being told as to a few other time when we broke it off he was in the sac with a certain female who was at one time one of his co-workers in just a few days. Same happened one another time but I found out in a different way and he never owuld confess to it so I let it go. Now we are done ... and once again the lies came about him and her talking and seeing each other.

If some one LOVES some one SO much then HOW can one go sleep wiht another right away? WAs I just a void in his life to take care of him and just so easily replaced?? and why the heck is it bothering me so much -- I broke it off!!!!! YEah I know i still love him but it is no good and he has lost my trust and so much more that even if I did trust him it would be about impossible for us to be together (major history family issues , his kids and mine!!!!)

Some one help me on how to let go!! Especially when you still love them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how rude of me!!

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate the smell, I hate the taste, I hate everything about it except it keeps me out of prison!!!!!!!! haahaaa

HA HA I know what it is like to have friends and family not understand, my mom thinks I need to get more excersize, better sleep, quit smoking and eat right and all will be fine with the world UHG she will never understand the mental state my first divorce put me through....
If I get just a tad ugly my daughter is always asking "did you take your pill" grrrrrrrrrrr like I'm not suppose to have my ugly moments haahaa just be oh so happy everyday as long as I'm taking meds -- NOT!!

WEll I'm off to work but you all have a wonderful day and keep your pretty/handsome heads up!!

{{hugs}}
Bj

KAren I'm glad too see you are back on here and Hello Rai.. I am happy that you have found another way to deal wiht thngs then to cut. My daughters friend started to do that but lately she hasn't even thought about it!

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} to you all and everyone remember hour by hour and day by day

Bj

dingo -- nighty night

Meltedice -- I'm happy for you!! My pillow is taken up by my german shepherd cross though UHG --- of course he doesn't quite cuddle like a human but he has ot have that head on the pillow and of course his paws are pushing me off the bed UHG.

The last boy friend I had wouldn't let the digs even in the room where my one has been able to go in and out of for over 10 years -- so I actually prefer it this way for now. Guess just too much hurt to think of filling that pillow yet with a human.

CONGRATS to you and hope all works out wonderfully!!!!!

well the peanut is awake (mom is at the hotel with the bride and bridesmaids so I got the baby). Now to let her play in her crib or get her out before she complains hmmmmm guess it is too late. Starting to complain.

I spose I'd best get going -- she needs a bath and breakfast so they can get her for pics (she is the flower girl -- should be interesting as she is only 13 months haahaaa)

If I don't get back on here --- you all have a wonderful day

hey genuine good morning to ya

I think a dec wedding outside could be cool -- no pun intended, but think of it in a blanket of snow! Lights, wow how pretty that could be. As teeth would be chattering trying ot say vows YIKES

Well hopefully for them there will be a break in the rain UHG It did for my wedding just enough to set everything up and as soon as the last words were said in the ceremony it started to sprinkle, when the last person got into the pole barn it poured for about 15 minutes and was done!! HAAHAA and here I am today single hmmmmmmmm wonder if ti IS true what they say about weddings and rain EEEEEEEEEEK

morning all -- I would if oyu call what's left in my 4 cupper a super size Ken haahaaa

Well a wedding ot go to at the park today -- oh what fun it will be in the rain HAAHAAHAAA KIDS!! they never did listen to adults. Not my kid so guess I'm just sitting back giggeling -- howcruel I am being so early in the morning.

The dog is scared of thunder and is underfoot all morning UHG

cool, glad oyu found some one special -- he just best be good to you if he knows whats good for him heeheee

so what does all have on their agend for today

hey jett --- good morning and welcome.
All will work out one way or another so just hang in there