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| Topic: Jokes that crack you up but others don't find ' funny | |
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a termite with bad teeth walks into a saloon and asks "Is the bar tender here?" Jesus walks into a hotel and places 3 nails on the counter, asks "can you put me up for the night?" A 99yr. old lady wants to commit suicide and asks her dr. what is the most sure way. The dr. says shoot yourself in the heart. the old lady doesn't remember where it is and asks. The dr told her "two inches below the left nipple" So the poor dear went home and shot herself in the knee. Now that is funny. |
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what do you do if you see your ex in the back yard limping,bleeding, and screaming calm down reload and aim :) why does mexico not have an olymics team because everyone that can jump,swim,or run is already in the states That is funny too |
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A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.
After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?" She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!" |
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I heard on the news someone checked into the psych ward wearing just a thong and riding a goat .I'll come get you but this is the last time!
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97% of drivers say oh sh*t when they hit ice. The other 3% are from ohio and say hold my beer and watch this sh*t.
What do you do if your ex is limping around the back yard, covered in blood, and screaming? keep calm, focus, relax, reload and shoot him again! |
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scientist with assistant, doing tests on frogs: 1. Calls frog and the frog comes 2. Cuts off one leg and calls frog. 3. frog hobbles over 4. Cuts off 2nd leg and calls frog 5. Frog rolls over 6 cuts off 3rd leg and calls frog 7. frog hops over on one leg. 8. cuts off 4th leg and calls frog. 9. Frog does nothing. 10. Calls frog again 11. Frog does nothing 12. Calls frog last time 13. Frog does nothing. Conclusion: The frog is deaf.  
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Edited by
TheOnceGreat
on
Sun 01/25/09 05:30 AM
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I told the one-legged hitchhiker to hop in.
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There's a guy with no arm and no legs in my swimming pool. His name is Bob.
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I lost 130 pounds of useless weight last year. I got divorced.
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A man is walking his rotwieler. He passes a bar and decides to go in for a drink. He can't take the dog in the bar so he ties him up outside.
A few minutes later a man comes in an asks whos rotwieler is that outside. The guy says "Its mine, why?" The other guy says, "He's dead!" the guy was distraut and asked "My dog is dead how did he die?" "My dog killed him." the other man said. The guy was bewildered. "My dog has never lost a fight what kind of dog do you have?" The guy replied "A cha hua hua." "Ok How did your chahuahua kill my dog?" The guy asked. The other fella replied. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "He got stuck in your dogs throat!"  
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Why does the light go out when you close the refrigerator door?
Give up? Because the mayonnaise is dressing!!
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Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
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where do cows go on friday nights?????
to the mooooo vies  
what does one wall say to the other??? meet you in the corner
why does an elephant paint its toe nails red??? so he can hide it a strawberry patch
ever see an elephant hide in a strawberry patch? no, well it must work
last but not least......... do you know the difference between an elphant and a mailbox???? no,......well i'm not letting you mail my letters
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Two friends are chatting one day.
'I walked into a bar last night. It was really painful! 'OH? And why was that?' "It was an iron bar!"
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I shot an elephant in my pajamas this morning. What he was doing in my pajamas, I'll never know.
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Two friends are chatting one day. 'I walked into a bar last night. It was really painful! 'OH? And why was that?' "It was an iron bar!"
That's not how it goes, it goes like this: 3 men walk into a bar, the 4th man ducks. You dont tell them why!
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?
Matt What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Bob What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the woods? Russell And finally... A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar and the bartender says, "What is this, a joke?" |
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Bob What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the woods? Russell And finally... A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar and the bartender says, "What is this, a joke?" I laughed out loud... |
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what do you call a man with a rabbit up his butt
Warren what do you call a man who bounces off walls Rick O'Shay |
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Where do girls have short curly hair
Fiji |
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