In a cöcktail lounge near the United Nations, two delegates from Finland were harassing a colleague from Warsaw by telling Polish jokes. He waited politely until they ran out of steam, then asked,
"Do either of you know what the closest thing is to a fish's bunghole?"
The men said
"No."
Stalking out of the room, he shouted,
"Two Finns!"

What do you call a woman playing pool with a pint of ale in each hand???


Beatrix Potter!!!

all men came from apes except for the welsh ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,they come from wales

WALES - Where men are men, and the sheep look nervous.

What did the fish say when he swam into a concrete wall? ...DAMN!

What did the psychiatrist say to the man who would not wear pants? ...I can clearly see you're nuts.

What is the #1 use for cow hide? ...holding cows together.

Here's a follow on to the one lady with one leg shorter than the other... Irene... What do you call an asian lady with one leg shorter than the other? ...Irene

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.

I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
It makes the peas taste funny
But it keeps them on the knife.

why australians don't do well at the olympics,,,,too many sheepless nights

what a pubie hair sounds like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ptu

A historian and a psychologist are sitting outside at a nudist colony.
Historian:
“Have you read Marx?”
Psychologist replies,
“Yes, I think they’re from the wicker chairs.”

So anyway, John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Hilary Clinton walk into a bar, in the midst of a heated argument on politics.











Barack Obama, however, sees it and ducks, thus escaping injury.

*dead silence*

two men in a smoke-filled room having sex. The fire chief busts in and seeing the horrific scene before him, yells at the two men, "what the hell is going on in here!!"

The one firefighter says to the chief, "sir, this man was suffering from smoke inhalation"

"Well, you're supposed to give him mouth-to-mouth, not f^ck him in the @ss!!"

"Well, chief, how do you think this whole thing got started?"

a seventy year old couple are sitting at the kitchen table one morning and the wife says you know my breasts are still as hot for you as they were 50 years ago when we got married the man says thats because one is in your coffe and the other is in your oatmeal




old man performing oral sex on his wife and said it smells nasty down here she said its my arthritis he said i didnt know you could get arthritis down there she said no its in my hands and i cant wipe my butt

what do you do if you see your ex in the back yard limping,bleeding, and screaming calm down reload and aim :)





why does mexico not have an olymics team







because everyone that can jump,swim,or run is already in the states

scientist with assistant, doing tests on frogs:

1. Calls frog and the frog comes

2. Cuts off one leg and calls frog.

3. frog hobbles over

4. Cuts off 2nd leg and calls frog

5. Frog rolls over

6 cuts off 3rd leg and calls frog

7. frog hops over on one leg.

8. cuts off 4th leg and calls frog.

9. Frog does nothing.

10. Calls frog again

11. Frog does nothing

12. Calls frog last time

13. Frog does nothing.

Conclusion: The frog is deaf.

Why did a plane flying over the pacific ocean crash? Cuz the pilot was a loaf of bread.



A grasshopper walks into a bar, the bartender says, "HEY, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper starts to clap, "You have a drink named Steve?"

3 Racehorses are having an argument about who is the best.
The first horse says, "Well, out of the 57 races I've been in, I've won 49 of them!"
The second horse says, "Not bad, but out of the 64 races I've been in, I've won 59 of them!"
The third horse says, "Impressive, but out of the 88 races I've been in, I won 86 of them!"

Meanwhile the greyhound trying to sleep next to them stands up, looks at them and says, "All, very good, but out of the 106 races I've been in, I've won them all!"

The three horses look at each other in amazement and say in unison, "HOLY ****! ............................................
A TALKING DOG!"

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Dwain!

Dwain who?








Dwain the bathtub, I'm dwowning!!

I got one


Why the little girl put fish in her pocket?


She wanted to smell like the big girls


*Runs For Cover*