I agree too. First you say to use emotional manipulation by criticizing them and putting them down, then, go and ignore them for two hours? He!! by the time that two hours is up, the child has done forgot what they've done wrong and why they got in trouble to begin with. And then you go on to call them stupid? Just because a child makes a childish mistake,doesn't mean they are stupid.

You know, I may have been wrong by spanking my child, but at least I knew to explain to her right away as to why I was disciplining her and I never ever criticized or belittled her or made her think that just because she did something wrong, didn't mean I would love her any less.

This will the last post I make in this thread because at this point people are starting to call names and get nasty...

Apparently because those of us who either now or in the past have spanked a child well we have been labeled as ignorant, abusive , mean , barbaric, just to name a few..

To those who have flung around the names.. lets see your degrees... I have 2 to prove im not ignorant..

i also have children who will tell you first hand they were not and are not abused.. I havent spanked any of my kids in years and years and years.. and i can tell you from experience you ignorant morons.. that THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SPANKING AND ABUSE.. I LIVED ABUSE AS A CHILD MY CHILDREN HAVE NEVER BEEN ABUSED..

Forgive me for saying this, but yes you did spank. By hitting them on their A$$es, you by definition spanked them. However, I am sure you meant that you did not abuse them, and I doubt you did abuse.
Spanking is not abuse. Beating is.

That phrase right there is a perfect example of classic emotional and psychological abuse. I understand what you are trying to say (I think), and agree with what I think you are trying to say. But to do so in this manner is pure abuse.

Try saying somthing like this instead.

"right now, I am too angry (or disgusted), to talk to you in a way that will help, so you are going to go to your room for now, until I can cool down." You can have them pick their room up while this is happening, kill two birds with one stone this way.

Meanwhile, go outside, work in the garden; take a walk it doenst matetr what as long as you do something to calm yourself down (and by no means do I mean take a walk nad leave a toddler alone). After a few minutes (or ten or twenty, lol I been there I understand ), once your calmed down enough to remain rational and mature, go back in and talk with the child in question.
Go through all your normal discipline styles if you have to, including spanking if you feel it is ok and justified in this particuylar case (just dont spank while angry).
By specifically telling your child that you are too angry oir upset to act reasonably or responsibly, and that you will do so once you have calmed down, you are shoing them that you can maintain control even when upset. You are showing them that you DO love them, and dont want to hurt them.

And on a side note, if your child ever coems back and tells you that you want the time alone to just think up a more abusive punishment? There's always duct tape (worlds cure-all for everything)

duct tape....my dctor told me about that once..he said if he doesnt stop duct tape him to a wall...lol

I am glad you caught the joke, lol. I was half afraid I would get attacked for it as if I had really mean tit

daniel, while my mom was the beater, when i was at dad's (they divorced when i was 5) and i got in trouble all he would say is "sweetheart, i'm disappointed, i know you can do better".......and i shaped right up.

That's what I am tlaking about. That was a good way to phrase it. What I was trying to say, is the way it was written in here "...I cant even look at you....." was the worng way to say it. it all depends on the words and tone used. Sounds like your dad had a way with words (a good way)

Spare the rod, Spoil the child.

Spare the rhetoric, and protect the child.

My children used to be reclusive...

No more...

My children used to be afraid...

No more...

My children used to be on Adderall...

No more...

My children used to get bad grades...

No more...

The difference???

Open communication of what is expected from them and what they can expect from me in return.

No more spanking?

That is my case... in a nutshell!

Uh oh!!!! I am having an Aretha moment..!

R..E..S..P..E..C..T..!!!!

It isn't rocket science.... respect the individuality, respect the child.

Lead by example.

Children learn what they live.

While I think 80% of most spankings should probably be given to parents instead of kids that are over tired, under feed or at least under nourished, provided poor examples as coping skills and so forth I also believe that if the first time a child comes in contact with absolute limits is at the end of a billy club or a tazer as parents you have failed. Most children do NOT have the mental capacity to understand or remember all social rules and courtesys every time so long winded explanations are every bit as negative as a sound spat on the behind that refocuses their attention on the task at hand or the threshold violated. Children that have no external self disciplene don't learn to develope any internal self disciplene. They are pain to be around and often don't know why they are excluded. About the middle of my child yearing years I had the eye opening opportunity to be around the children of the professional that wrote the whole Parent Effectiveness Training manual around the time out concept. I kid you not they were hell on wheels and very unpopular children who other adults and children couldn't get away from fast enough.

I don't think spanking is the problem. It is when people take things too far. I have spanked my son. He is six and now we take things away that are important to him. I have seen what spanking can lead to, but to normal people it usually doesn't go any further. I am not sure where social services draws the line, but when you call and report someone who has punched their own daughter in the face so hard and knocked her out cold. You would think something would be done. But alas not till she is brain dead will they ever do anything. That is what is wrong with the world. Most can not get away with any discipline while the ones who are actually hurting their children are ignored.

Ditto on that!!! Spanking is such a double edged-sword. You are damned if you do it and damned if you don't do it. I have seen parents who try to "reason" with their kids and never give them that ultimatum (spanking). Their kids walk all over them and are constantly pushing their limits. There comes a time when you have to let the child know who is the parent & the one in charge, or else. I believe that this discipline method works only when used as rarely as possible to children who are younger than 6 years old. I have 3 kids who all got the occasional spank on the butt when they were being deliberately defiant, and were always first warned that they would get a spanking if they did not behave. This was usually when they were completely out of control or being aggressive with me or a sibling. I found that the threat of a spanking was usually more useful than the spanking itself. Time outs can be most helpful to effectively calm the child and parent, and diffuse whatever caused the situation in the first place. Like anything else, one thing may work, while the other does not. It really is a judgement call by the parent. I do agree, however that frequent spanking can lead to more aggressive behavior, by both parent & child. So spanking as a last resort is extremely important. And it should NEVER leave a mark, or that could be construed as abuse.

Hi, i was brought up in Britain, and horribly abused until i ran away at age 14...however, i think the policy of no physical discipline/consequences at all is not acceptable either. I was just over there this past month on vacation for 3 weeks with my three very challenging children (special needs, mental illness, developmental issues, behavioral issues, physical issues), who at times can be incredibly "out of the box" with their behavior regardless of the many, many non-physical consequences i have used over the years (and these non-physical consequences are still my first, second, and third lines of defence by the way). Anyway, during our time there my children acted in some very inappropriate ways, and I used my littany of consequences..when they did not work on a couple of occasions, i spanked twice on the rear end....not only did they not suffer any lasting pain or indignity, but they straightened up...and I also received an overwhelming supportive response from the shopkeepres and other customers who were in the vicinity at the time of the events!!
Again, i don't advocate that a child should be beaten, and i only use a spank as a last resort, but I think that provided that one can genuinely balance disciplinary approaches effectively and appropriately, there should not be an across-the-board ban against parents rights to spank or swat their child's rear ends for a deserving misdemeanour.
I respect every ones opinions, I am very glad that some families never seem to need to spank or swat a child, but i also respect my right to be able to choose whether to swat my child in an approprite body location should their behavior warrant such action.
The therapists that work with my children are well aware of the manner I use to discipline my children, and are supportive..even the psych doctor agrees, so I am certainly not someone who just goes around beating on my children, but someone who is willing to consider the occasional use of my hand (hand only, nothing else, ever!!)on a rear end as a deterrent or consequence when all else fails.
Ok, thats my 5 cents worth, sorry it is so long, just had to get my side out :)

I cant beleive this thread is still going

Never should a child be hit in any way, shape, or form...PERIOD!

End of discussion

The thread continues because people still have words to say....everyone is entitled to an opinion...after all, you have yours, I have mine, and it is a good way to help others sort out their own feelings about such issues when adults can have a civilized discussion about such an enduring yet explosive issue such as physical consequences..
In the past i have given well-intentioned people an opportunity to spend time with my three children....they had no more luck than i did with their issues..even the specialists and therapists and such have come to the conclusion that on occasion, there is a place for a spank on the tail!!
I would love to be able to confidently shout out that my kids respond without any kind of physical consequence ever...but, unfortunately, there are a few occasions when that is what is needed..it can work, and appropriately so...period...full stop...

The quote reads"Spare the rod Hate the child"