Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Tool Man
hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Thu 05/08/08 06:16 AM
I think when someone you care about expresses they are sad...it's only natural to have the desire to want change that for them. Call it ridiculous ignorant controlling or arrogant if you want but for me personally those words "just don't go there". I prefer compassionate. trying to get someone to change the way they feel because you have jumped through hoops is not compassion. Compassion is saying - "what would YOU like me to do.Just listen? OK. I will respect that" I'm not looking to fight with anyone but that is not accurate..compassion is defined as: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. Maybe you are thinking empathy? But you don't get to decide what is going to alleviate the suffering - the sufferer knows best what she needs from you. You need only to respect that.

FearandLoathing Joined Fri 12/28/07 Posts: 30121	Thu 05/08/08 06:17 AM
I think when someone you care about expresses they are sad...it's only natural to have the desire to want change that for them. Call it ridiculous ignorant controlling or arrogant if you want but for me personally those words "just don't go there". I prefer compassionate. trying to get someone to change the way they feel because you have jumped through hoops is not compassion. Compassion is saying - "what would YOU like me to do.Just listen? OK. I will respect that" I'm not looking to fight with anyone but that is not accurate..compassion is defined as: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. Maybe you are thinking empathy? You can alleviate suffering by listening, think of how many tragedies would have been evaded had people just listened. Columbine, Jonesboro, Jonestown, and numerous others if people would have just listened in the first place instead of placing their "two cents".

smuflicker Joined Mon 08/06/07 Posts: 4019	Thu 05/08/08 06:20 AM
I think when someone you care about expresses they are sad...it's only natural to have the desire to want change that for them. Call it ridiculous ignorant controlling or arrogant if you want but for me personally those words "just don't go there". I prefer compassionate. and if it is not in your power to change? Then what? Be angry at the person for voicing those feelings? You shouldn't get upset with someone for how they are feeling. What if they are upset, and maybe don't express things in the manner you would like, while still being respectful... but you just don't "like" how it was said to you? Do you lash out at them? No i don't,i ask them to explain to me what is. If they are upset with someone else and they jump on me i ask them not to take it out on me.

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Thu 05/08/08 06:20 AM
Won't most people say "What should I do??" if they want advice? In other words if they just need to vent, let them vent. Saying we need to talk doesn't infer we think the person we are speaking to can fix anything.

Lily0923 Joined Sun 12/02/07 Posts: 20429	Thu 05/08/08 06:23 AM
Won't most people say "What should I do??" if they want advice? In other words if they just need to vent, let them vent. Saying we need to talk doesn't infer we think the person we are speaking to can fix anything. I think you sumed up the issue quite well thank you.

FearandLoathing Joined Fri 12/28/07 Posts: 30121	Thu 05/08/08 06:24 AM
Won't most people say "What should I do??" if they want advice? In other words if they just need to vent, let them vent. Saying we need to talk doesn't infer we think the person we are speaking to can fix anything. "We need to talk....what do you think I should do" that is where your "two cents" goes, on the other hand "I have a problem...." your opinion is never asked, therefore you don't give it. I am ace at human interaction and fail at actually interacting, is that a double negative of some sort?

smuflicker Joined Mon 08/06/07 Posts: 4019	Thu 05/08/08 06:24 AM
Depending on what it is i may say, well,, sorrrry. but i will go back and and try to find out what is wrong threw talking about it.

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Thu 05/08/08 06:24 AM


CleanBathroom Joined Thu 02/07/08 Posts: 5544	Thu 05/08/08 06:24 AM
Sweet Can I get back to hitting on Lily now?

Darth Joined Sun 09/02/07 Posts: 150	Thu 05/08/08 06:26 AM
Yeah Lily...I guess sometimes they do. Not saying it is right. But if we all possessed the subtle art of maintaining a relationship effectively we probably wouldn't need to be on this site discussing it.

smuflicker Joined Mon 08/06/07 Posts: 4019	Thu 05/08/08 06:26 AM
Won't most people say "What should I do??" if they want advice? In other words if they just need to vent, let them vent. Saying we need to talk doesn't infer we think the person we are speaking to can fix anything. I think you sumed up the issue quite well thank you. Well everyone need to vent once in a while thats when listening comes in.

Lily0923 Joined Sun 12/02/07 Posts: 20429	Thu 05/08/08 06:26 AM
Sweet Can I get back to hitting on Lily now? both my eyes are open now... you may get a swift kick in the azz....

s1owhand Joined Fri 05/18/07 Posts: 29437	Thu 05/08/08 06:27 AM
Won't most people say "What should I do??" if they want advice? In other words if they just need to vent, let them vent. Saying we need to talk doesn't infer we think the person we are speaking to can fix anything. people rarely genuinely seek another's opinion. usually they seek support of their own view. either emotional (empathy) support or argument (fixing) support. it is rare and valuable to find those who actually do seek unbiased advice, or offer it, or listen to it, or absorb it. it is the ultimate test of an open mind.

CleanBathroom Joined Thu 02/07/08 Posts: 5544	Thu 05/08/08 06:27 AM
Sweet Can I get back to hitting on Lily now? both my eyes are open now... you may get a swift kick in the azz.... You may wanna close 'em as I'm almost there.

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Thu 05/08/08 06:27 AM
Won't most people say "What should I do??" if they want advice? In other words if they just need to vent, let them vent. Saying we need to talk doesn't infer we think the person we are speaking to can fix anything. I think you sumed up the issue quite well thank you. Well everyone need to vent once in a while thats when listening comes in. I think that's what I meant

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Thu 05/08/08 06:28 AM
Won't most people say "What should I do??" if they want advice? In other words if they just need to vent, let them vent. Saying we need to talk doesn't infer we think the person we are speaking to can fix anything. "We need to talk....what do you think I should do" that is where your "two cents" goes, on the other hand "I have a problem...." your opinion is never asked, therefore you don't give it. I am ace at human interaction and fail at actually interacting, is that a double negative of some sort? I am the same way - I can see everyone else's issues crystal clear - mine I am blind to

Lily0923 Joined Sun 12/02/07 Posts: 20429	Thu 05/08/08 06:29 AM
Yeah Lily...I guess sometimes they do. Not saying it is right. But if we all possessed the subtle art of maintaining a relationship effectively we probably wouldn't need to be on this site discussing it. No one is perfect I suppose. But knowing that, someone shouldn't expect perfection when they themselves are not perfect.

smuflicker Joined Mon 08/06/07 Posts: 4019	Thu 05/08/08 06:29 AM
I wouldn't hit on lily but i would flurt with her if she don't slap me.

CleanBathroom Joined Thu 02/07/08 Posts: 5544	Thu 05/08/08 06:29 AM
Everyone please quiet down. I'm trying to concentrate.

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Thu 05/08/08 06:30 AM
I wouldn't hit on lily but i would flurt with her if she don't slap me. But will you listen? Sowwy, I just had to.