GEESH! What would you do. I ended up letting him spend the rest of his night in his room he could only read book, he did get to eat dinner , and take a bath.

I went to the store and baught my boys new bat, 2 balls, track ball set, and a kewl other game.

My oldest one was the batter my youngest one was the pitcher. My oldest one got 2 strikes, my youngest one decided he was going to throw a fit. A friend of theres showed up. I told the friend he could pitch, the oldest one had strike 3. I told him strike 3 your out its your brother turn. He ran at me with the bat, he was about to hit me, i turn and ran, and he dropped the bat and spit on me. I took the bat and I said its time to leave. They both started crying. I told the oldest he was spending the rest of his night in his room. On the walk back home, the oldest was just being a brat. I told him that I was very sick of his behavior, and that I wasnt going to deal with it anymore. Than he mentioned that his dad didnt love him. I told him that he does, then he said well he never sees us. I told him that I could not control that, but he loves you.

Its very true, I would let there dad have every other weekend with them, not a problem. I have everyother weekend off, I told the father he could take them on the weekend I had to work, but he only wants to see the boys when he doesnt have a girlfriend. He seen the boys Dec 21, he didnt spend much time with them, the boys spent the night at his parentshouse, Than February 16, the boys went to his wrestling show, he talked with them for about 30 minutes, the boys had a wrestling tournment the same day in the same place and he wont come and see them. Than the day before Easter he say them at the walmart and baught them some bike stuff, so about 30 minutes and refused to dye easter eggs with them at the grandparents house.

I can see the frustration, i have full custody of the boys the father gets to see them, WHEN he wants, or when I say its OK.

I SOOOOOOOOOOOO dont know what to do.

How old is your son?

Sounds like maybe you should do court mediation with the dad. He needs to see his kids... he might not be getting how important that is. He should have them every other weekend at a minimum, and Wednesday nights. I'd also take the kids to a child psychologist. And one other thing.... stop telling your kids their father loves them. You cannot speak for him. I'd be willing to bet the psychologist would agree with me on that one, as that is where I got the advice.

You sound like you've got it figured out to me. It takes a strong mom to punish such behavior when you know the pain behind the tirade. You're teaching your kids that it's not acceptable no matter what, when it would be so much easier to excuse the behavior out of sympathy. Hats of to you and other strong moms out there. There may be nothing you can do about your ex's casual parenting, but take up the slack, try to keep them balanced and love them love them love them. You go mom!

thats sad. I am a sinlge mom but I dont even get to let my daughter see him when he wants . he is not in the picture at all. Just be strong and remember dicipline is a language of love. if you let them get away with treating you badly or not listening to you it will not get better. its a respect thing and they need to respect themselves as well and you!
they look young. there are stages to a child growing up and part of it is pushing the parents and you get it all honey!! the good and the bad!
Just do your best!!

If I would have ran at my mother with a bat I would still be picking splinters out of my a$$ cause that's where that bat would have ended up! I have no good advice for you, good luck

I didn't know my sister was here!

This is one of those sad stories when parents split up, and custody is awarded to one of them.

I'm fortunate enough to be able to see my kids as and when I want to, but they are at the age now,14, 12 and 10, when they'd rather be with their cool friends.
They can come see me whenever they want and vice versa, but as I don't drive and they live 6 miles away, the only times I can go see them is when the weather is good. My ex used to bring them at weekends, but now she is remarried, she says that she doesn't have the time, or they have something pre-planned. which seems to be happening more and more recently.
She ex remarried last year after cheating on me with my ex best friend, but I won't bore you with the details of that. We've both always brought the kids up knowing that they didn't and would never have to choose between us. It would be their decision as they grow older
I live by myself and whenever any of them have started freaking out or whatever, I find that regardless of what they have done, I say to them either,
You messed up, So you don't get to stay up longer at the weekend.
You don't get to see tv for a certain length of time.
No computer.
Grounded etc. etc etc

Of course one of them will always say things like,
'I hate you' and 'I wish you weren't my dad'. But afterwards they are always repentent and peace resumes.
As I don't get to see them all that much, I try to spend as much time with them as possible doing 'Dad and kids' stuff.

Any person, whether it be dad OR mom has a responsibility to their kids. They brought them into the world so they should be equally responsible for their welfare and upbringing.

There dad needs, in my opinion, to take a long hard look at himself and remember that the more he cuts them out, or doesn't step up to the plate at this stage, then he may come to regret it later in life.
You'll just have to work it as best you can, and if help is available, whether it be from family or friends, don't dismiss it.

Lillith, my child's counselor has me doing a different thing.
She wants me to tell my child that Dad loves child in his own way.

Is this a board certified child psychologist? I have heard this advice, same advice, from three of them. One of whom is on the Ohio list of court experts for testimony, and with whom I'd entrust my child's life. If your therapist is telling you to tell your child the other parents feels, says anything... I'd say the "therapist" was a joke... and terminate services immediately. JMO

The counselor specializes in pediatrics and families with addictions in their families. She is very good and I have been pleased with how well it's helping my child. We have had stand-up issues with Dad.

The counselor educates my child and tells it like it is and is trying to teach my child to not be co-dependent. Dad is now attending the sessions once in awhile.

Dad does love child but has problems. The child knows this and feels secure that both parents have love for the child. And the child knows that Dad is showing the love in the best way that he can.

Just because the counselor has a different approach than your counselors, does not make the counselor a joke. They all come from different schools of learning and have different techniques.

Winx--- If a therapist is using practices that could potentially be detrimental to your parent child relationship I do not see this as a different approach. I see it as malpractice. And it is for this sort of reason I do not use therapists... only child psychologists. Board certified and experienced ones.

This is not a technique you are referring to. I'm sorry, it just isn't. I don't put words in other people's mouths. I would never tell another person to do it. And I'd be furious at anyone who put words in mine. If my son asks about his dad... we call him. He can use words himself and say whatever he wants, directly to my son. From his mouth. Not mine.

You let him have a book?

You need to make sure he anderstands that his violence is not exceptable. I amy be wrong, but I suspect the dad bit was to throw you off, they learn that guilt game early. 20 years from now you don't want him pulling this crap with his wife & kids, so nip it in the bud. I think you did good, except I would have taken the book too, he should have been thinking about why he was being punished & the book was a pleasant distraction from that.

i gotta agree with you, lilith...and there's a HUGE difference in the training amount of a therapist and a psychologist. they are a world apart...

to take ownership for another's feelings (saying dad loves you FOR him) IS co-dependent.

my mother is one of those certified psychs...and she's also a board certified behavior analyst...while there are BUNCHES of therapists, there's not near as many quality psychologists. i personally prefer the ones that use applied behavioral analysis...cognitive-behavioral therapy is, in my personal opinion, the best. (studies show that its efficacy is highest, as well.)

I bet your childhood was fun, Lulu. I work with psychologists and my two closest friends are a therapist and a child psychologist turned forensic psychologist.

I love my friend the therapist... and she knows how I feel. She is an LPCC addiction counselor that works with behavior modification stuff based on the motivational interviewing style.... long, hard work.

In regards to kids... especially my kid, I asked my friend for a reference. I got a fantastic doctor. I also frequently discuss his advice with him (my friend)... and find it's solid. I hate to sound snotty, but therapy isn't good enough for my child because I can't risk it. We all want what is best for our children, I'm sure. I just know my standards are ridiculously high, and am lucky I found what I think was what my son needed.

i had a marvelous childhood...even when i was being practiced on...

i've taken so many freaking IQ tests it's almost unreal, lol. mom was in college while i was young, so...yeah...

she's actually back to therapy, but she's one of only TWO people in arkansas that have her degree for autistic kids at the moment...and that's where she's headed.

comes in real handy with my kiddos, let me tell ya...

Nice to know we have this bias as a commonality!

I really do wish the OP good luck. It sure sounds as though from this and other posts she has her hands FULL!

I've said it before (and Winx is going to chastise me again for it) but you need to tear his butt up. Especially with the spitting. Instant spanking right there.

that's what I did. Her dad pretty much abandoned us when she was young and she asked me why he didn't love her. There was no way I was going to be the one to take her dad away from her. So I said he loved her in his own way. Had I told her that he didn't love her it would have crushed her.

I would never tell my kid his dad didn't love him.how cruel.His dad does love him (in his own way)but i am truthful that dad doesn't have his priorities straight right now.any psychologist who pits one parent against the other is crap.