Where did you get any of that out of what was said? No one in here EVER said they pit any parent against the other or say the father does not love them. Or that any psychologist said it.

How on earth did you get that out of what was posted here?

Well unlike you my son can't call his dad so I tell him his dad loves him which is what winx's therapist recommends.you said the therapist was wrong.Maybe i misunderstood but when my son asks me ,I can't say "i dunno".He will assume the worst.Even when i went thru divorce parenting classes,they recommended reassuring both parents loved the child.I don't see why that is wrong?

Rather than assuming what was meant.. why not ask? I was told to say if dad was unavailable.... "I'm sorry you are sad. Mommy loves you and always will". To get him to focus on me, a love he could count on and feel, see, touch... something tangible. That is the point.

If your kid later finds out dad doesn't love him then that makes you a liar. In your kids eyes. Your reasons for lying don't matter all that much.

I don't speak for anyone.

I guess my board certified psychologist who is an expert for the state of SD. and administered testing for both my ex and i for the courts in my custody hearing is a quack. He has seen my son and as i already said my ex and i. He has told me to reassure my son of my ex husbands love for him and his sister. Above all else he says my children in particular my son,as he has the most issues at this time, must feel reassured of their parents love. My child has enough going on he doesn't need to deal with feeling like his father doesn't love him he already feels like he doesn't approve of him enough.

After the easter bunny and santa how much credibility do i have left
seriously though i will always reassure my son his dad loves him till i am proved wrong.That will only make me wrong ,not a liar because I do believe his dad loves him ,dad just loves dad more.

My child's Dad has a "problem". He loves the child. Yet, he didn't see the child for five months due to his problem.

My child thought that something was wrong with their own self because Dad didn't see them. I heard, "Why doesn't Dad like me? What did I do wrong to make him not love me?" To let a child think that would crush their self-esteem.

So I took the child to counseling. This child will not be co-dependent and will know that the child is loved by both parents.
This child will also know that some people make bad parents and there is nothing that can be done about it.

There is no doubt in my mind that the correct thing to do was to reassure the child of Dad's love and explain that the Dad had a problem and couldn't be the kind of Dad that the child deserved.

I reassured the child that I will always be there and we could be just as happy with Dad as without.

My child's mental and emotional health and their education are the highest priorities in my life. My child is the most important person in the world to me. And I will never do this child wrong.

I am with you Winx.

BTW, my daughter finally did figure it out but she said she was glad I did what I did. She was prepared to deal with it at 15, but not at 4.

All I can say is that as parents we all try to do what we think is the right thing for our children, for what we hope are the right reasons. What I think of others doctors or therapists matters not. They are my opinions and that is all. The weight and evidence behind them are mine, also. As is with all of you.

If our children know WE love them... and trust in us implicitly... that is my goal and my only point. I just listen to my heart and those in whom I trust in every way. And I love my son.

Cut the Dad off until he decides to "step up to the plate" ...take control of the situation and do not waste your breath explaining that "it is not right" to attack people. Let the boys know that there are consequences when they act out.
You are the parent and they are the children...you do not have to be their friend! Be a parent!
You will most certainly be called every name in the book, but who in the hell says that parenting is easy? My parents gave me the consequences when I was growing up and although I knew what was coming when I disobeyed, I still acted out(and every kid will)....and suffered the consequences. In the long run, I learned and respected my parents for their "consistency" in the rules.
The important thing is to be consistent with your rules and if the Dad, grandparents, whomever, will not abide by the rules and boundaries that you set....then they should not see the kids until they agree to your guidelines. YOU are the active parent and you know how the kids 'tick'. Take control of the situation!

I know you do, babe. I am sure he is awesome!

You are so rational. I adore agreeing to disagree with you!

I was acutely aware that for once we took different stances on something.

Someone said to me recently, oh, it's good that you can disagree with me but not resort to name calling and such.

I think we are all trying to get to the same place,we just have different ideas about what the route should be. It's all good.

Agreed.

i know.. wow

agreed.we all love our kids and do whats best for them.lets here it for parents!! hip hip hooray !!!

I'd still be in a coma if I had done that to my Mom.

yeah .my dad would have whooped my ass.