Oooops !

Guys, basically don't get married.

Find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

It works out a lot easier.......


And for the water...... wellllllllll......water of love....deep in the
ground.....but there ain't no way to.......

x

Losing a husband can be hard.

In certain cases, it is almost impossible !!!

Nothin wise here..... just put it down to experience

How many of you have experienced any of the above listed criteria..

Certianly, most of you have faced a minimum of 12 at least !

So, let's say, words of experience.... live and learn !

Women........ so be kind to us...

You need us more than we need you ! [was that takin it 2 far ?]

Was sdvised this by a friend elsewhere, who asked to pass this on...
particularly to ladies that you may be havin problems with...

This would also perhaps support the above ongoin discussion...

1. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a LOSER.
2. We’re not as perverted as you think we all are.
3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
4. Don’t argue with us when we call you beautiful.
5. Don’t treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.
6. We know you’re pretty, that’s one of the reason’s we’re going out
with you.
7. Don’t go into detail about your period. It scares us.
8. If you have cramps and we ask you what’s wrong, just tell us it’s
that time of the month and nothing more.
9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our
mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool.
10. We never shave our legs. So get over it.
11. NEVER ask us if you can put makeup on us. It’s just
wrong............
12. Don’t make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us,
if you don’t.
13. When we tell you that you’re not fat, believe us.
14. We absolutely do not care about the *NSYNC, 98 Degrees, or what any
other guy looks like
15. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but at least
we can stand up and go pee.
16. Just cause you think you’re always right, doesn’t mean that you
don’t have to apologize when you do something “wrong.”
17. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be
nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you
love us.
18. We can’t always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans
sometimes.
19. Don’t ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might get
what you wish for.
20. Never kick us in the nuts “just to see what we would say”. That’s
just mean.
21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when
we believe you.
22. Pamela Anderson’s boobs aren’t fake anymore, but we like yours
better anyway.
23. Size doesn’t matter, except to idiots who don’t want a relationship.
24. PMS is not an excuse.
25. If you want us to put the seat down when we’re done, you should put
it up when you’re done.
26. Don’t tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn’t turn us
on.
27. And always remember: The way to a guy is always through his
stomach..... and maybe....oh nevermind the other… if you knew he would
be beggin for more!
28. NEVER ask us to kiss other guys. You might be that comfy with your
friends, but to us it’s just wrong.
29. We always notice how funny it is for you when you rip us apart,
stick it down our throats and you still want to be friends.

30. And last but not least: We know you’re not always right, but we’ll
pretend like you are anyway.


Amen !

Dudes..... the other two ain't much different....it just takes a bit
longer....

So dudes just remember this.... "You know they are not always right, but
it is better to pretend like they are anyway"

It would help you in the long run.... or the run could start earlier !

A government employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to
see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and
comes across an old brass lamp.
"This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home
with him.

While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes.
"I wish for an ice cold diet Coke right now!" He gets his Coke and
drinks it.

Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish
to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside." Suddenly he is
on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully.

He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I wish I'd never have to
work ever again."

POOF! He's back in his government office !!!

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their
new wives duties.

Tom had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his
wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed
done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third
day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put
away.

Jimmie had married a woman from Australia . He bragged that he had given
his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning,dishes,and the
cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but
the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the
dishes were done,and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Canadian girl. He boasted that he told her
that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn
mowed,laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said
the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see
anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he
could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to
eat, load the dishwasher, and call a landscaper.

So, just be carreful dudes !

One day a farmer was out walking in his field with his donkey.

The farmer was walking a few feet ahead of the donkey when he heard a
terrific crash from behind him. When he turned around, the donkeywas no
where to be seen.

He heard the "eee-awww!!" cries of the donkey echoing from somewhere,
but he could not see where it had gone. Upon some more investigation,
the farmer realized that his donkey had broken through some old wood
fallen into an old abandoned well.

Frustrated and cursing himself for his lack of attention, the farmer
tried to think of a way to get his donkey out of the well. He figured he
might be able to lower a rope down and try to lift the donkey out. But
he was an old man, and he would not have the strenth to do this.
Besides, once the rope was lowered, the donkey would have no way to
grasp the rope!

The farmer decided after some time that, since the donkey was old, and
the well needed to be filled anyway, he would just bury the donkey in
the well. So the man got a shovel and began to fill the well with dirt.
Understandably upset, the donkey began to scream and cry out, "eee-aww!!
EEE-AWW!!!"

Gradually, the cries began to wan, and the farmer just kept
shoveling. Sweating and tired after quite a lot of shovel fulls into the
abandoned will, the farmer decided to take a break and peer into the
well to view his progress.

To the farmer's amazement, the donkey was standing on a large pile of
dirt looking up at the farmer above him. The farmer poured a few more
shovel fulls into the well, and the donkey was doing something
astonishing.

Every time the farmer would pour more dirt into the well, the donkey
would shake off the dirt, take a step up on to the new dirt and look up
at the farmer. So the farmer poured more dirt into the well, and the
donkey shook off the dirt, took a step up, and looked up at the farmer.

And the farmer kept repeating this until the donkey was finally out of
the well!!


So you may be sitting there asking yourself, "Okay, well that was
entertaining, what's the point?"

Here is the moral of the story.

1. Don't give up on solving your problems too easily. Sometimes the
solution comes in mysterious ways. Just try someting and you may find a
great solution where you least expected it.

2. Sometimes when someone has shovelled dirt on you, all you have to do
is shake off that dirt, take a step up, and look up. You simply can not
allow yourself to be buried in little set backs. You can make it through
anything if you have a burning desire.

If you don't believe this. Think of the donkey's desire. After the
farmer's attempt to cover him up, the donkey had the burning desire to
kick the living sh*t out of that bastard farmer, which he did promptly
after getting out of that d*mn well!!!

So that brings us to one final lesson that we can learn from this little
story about the farmer and the donkey.

3. If you make a mistake or get into a jam, it's not wise to try to
COVER YOUR ASS !! It'll probably come back to bite you in the end...


Hope you have enjoyed this tale. Send it to someone you think might like
it, moreso need it.


X

gr8

Better add the 3 digits first and later the 4 digits....
and do the calculations separately....they would eventually balance
itself !

Nice one dude.......

Just imagine what she would have done if she was a nurse !!!

great one dude...

At least now we know that if the house stinks......raise the price and
offer it to any of the wife's friends. Should they decide to take all
that goes with the house [as that was his wife's wish] ....give them a
discount...

Should be done within the first week.... thanks for the info..

PS
.... No offense..... that's the message you have conveyed to the
existing war-mongers !!

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three
Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the
first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow
full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
straw to build my house?'"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man
said?"

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I know...he said---'Holy ****!
A talking pig!'

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes

While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a
condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he
wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple
spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having
seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to
return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got
bad news for you --- you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and
almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."

The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or
something and fix me up, Doc."

The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to
have to amputate your penis."

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."
The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but
surgery is your only choice."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll
know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and
proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely rare disease."

The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what
can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta,
always want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to opelate!"

Oh, Thank God!" the man replies.

"Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Faw off
by itself! You save money."

Hi and welcome

Welcome

Hi and welcome

Just say what you want to be thrown or squirted at [no offense]... this
is a mad place !

Welcome.... post some pic.... it could help a bit !

Aloha terisa !