In Lebanon , men are legally allow! ed to have with animals, but the animals must be female. Having ual relations with a male animal is punishable by .

(Like THAT makes sense.)


In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different Reversed?)




Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick??)



The penalty for ion in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than "going blind!")



There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having for the first time


Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the
world that even comes close to this?)



In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her erous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)



saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England - but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)



In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)



In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have with a woman and her daughter at the same time.


(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)



In Maryland , it is illegal to sell s from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."


(Is this a great country or what? Well . . . not as great as Guam !)



Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for this stuff?)



Humans and dolphins are the only species that have for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)



The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.


(I know some people like that, too.)


!
And, the best for last

Turtles can breathe through their .

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...
a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd to look like a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning

Q: WHAT ARE THE LITTLE BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S S FOR?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.


Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'


Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED S?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.


Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they
take your house and car with them.


Q: WHY DO S RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...



BONUS QUESTION & ANSWER

Q: What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

I will assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

I will no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless of course, I want to stay employedDoes my self-pity get to you or should I move up to incessant nagging?

Today I will gladly share my experience and advise, for there are no sweeter words than
"I told you so."

False hope is nicer than no hope at all.

A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move the TV into the
bedroom.

Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute....I'll find someone.

I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.

The next time opportunity knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not in.

To have a successful relationship I will learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.

I like almost everything.. but bananas come outta me faster then they go in....YUCK!

Thanx...so far it's been an adventure..cheers!

the way the economy is...I will just barely be retired I bet..

lol...wow...I dont think I should laugh..mine coulda been Crusty Dunkinpotty

sry..i didnt mean to..my pervert mode suddenly clicked into overdrive!

According to my screen name...my new screen name is
Crusty Chuckledunkin...how quaint is that?

Making a new song play list .. gimme your fav tunes!

Mine is Demon Hunter "Follow The Wolves"

hmmmm...ok no more pictures...just come sit on my dresser instead lol..joking- ur fyne gurl!

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Demon Hunter

Album
Storm the Gates of Hell

Song
Follow The Wolves


Run

Every second is a pure affliction
But I can feel your pain
Choke back the burn of wrath
As they violate your name

No sign of innocence
In this godforsaken place
When the truth is in your hands
They'll spit upon your face

Dismantle the ground they stand on
Give power a name, give power a name
You've traveled the path of slander
Now bury the shame, bury the shame

Shed rejection
Learn to follow the wolves

Run away to the blackened sky
Through the fear of disbelief
Run away from the hollow cries
To the shelter of release

Run away to the blackened sky
Through the fear of disbelief
Run away from the hollow cries
To immunity

See the struggle of the faithless
Lot as they negate their time
How low to sink to the depths
Of their frame of mind

Dismantle the ground they stand on
Give power a name, give power a name
You've traveled the path of slander
Now bury the shame, bury the shame

Shed rejection
Learn to follow the wolves

Run away to the blackened sky
Through the fear of disbelief
Run away from the hollow cries
To the shelter of release

Run away to the blackened sky
Through the fear of disbelief
Run away from the hollow cries
To immunity

No tear for desolation
Nearing the end of our misery

Run away to the blackened sky
Through the fear of disbelief
Run away from the hollow cries
To the shelter of release

Run away to the blackened sky
Through the fear of disbelief
Run away from the hollow cries
To immunity

Run
Run

We all need a little stress-reliever! This only
takes a minute.
Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week,
you need some silliness to break up
the day. If we are honest, we have a lot more
stressful days than not. Here is your dose of humor...


Follow the instructions to find your new name.


And don't go all - a senior manager is now known far
& wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer!

The following is excerpted from a children's book, 'Captain
Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants', by Dave Pilkey.
This book is about an evil Professor who forces everyone to
assume new names.

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name:

a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name
to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to
determine the second half of your new last name:


a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

Thus, for example, Barack Obama's new name is:

Dorfus Featherbutt!


MY NEW NAME IS: Dipsy Pottybiscuits - ok so that sounds really wrong!

Howdy! I am only a week old on this site myself, but so far- it's been the beez kneez..enjoy =)

I've Learned that most of the things I worry about never happen*

I've Learned that every great achievement was once considered impossible*

I've Learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk*

I've Learned that if there were no problems there would be no opportunities*

I've Learned that it doesn't cost anything to be nice*

I've Learned that the important things us not what others think of me, but what I might think of me*

I've Learned that even the simplest task can be meaningful if I do it right*

I've Learned that in every face to face encounter, regardless of how brief, we leave something behind*

I've Learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision*

I've Learned that if you spread the peas out on your plate, it looks like you ate more*

I've Learned that regardless of color or age, we all need about the same amount of love*

I've Learned that education, experience, and memories are three things that no one can take away from you*

I've Learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone*

I've Learned that the simple things are often the most satisfying*

I've Learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering up someone else*

I've Learned that successful living is like playing a violin- it must be practiced daily*

I've Learned that if you laugh and drink soda pop at the same time, it will come out your nose*

I've Learned that a sunroof is worth the extra cost*

I've Learned that optimists live longer then pessimist- so I want to be an optometrist*

I've Learned that happiness is like a perfume: you can't give it away without getting some of it on yourself*

I've Learned that when someone hurts your feelings, its unimportant unless you persist in remembering it*

I've Learned that if you smile at people they will almost always smile back (will they?)*

I've Learned that homemade toll house cookies should be eaten while still hot*

I've Learned that we grow only when we push ourselves beyond what what we already know*

I've Learned never to underestimate the potential and power of the human spirit*

I've Learned that everyone has something to teach*