Not taken.... but looking to be taken ... for a few hours anyway




J/K : not taken and not look for a relationship , just looking for good
ppl as friends.

and there is a lot here on JSH ...

Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

Anonymous

A little old man shuffled slowly into the "Orange Dipper," an ice cream
parlor in Trailer Estates, and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto
a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis!"

Italian Grandfather Joke

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson
to his bed! "Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome
plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really doan-a lika guns. Howzabout you leava
me your Rolex watch instead?"

"Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business.
You gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home
and maybe a couple a bambinos."

"Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna
bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then... pointa to
you watch and say "Times up"?"

Old Love

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.
He throws the kite up in the air, the wind
Catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do
everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband,
"You need a piece of tail."
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
"Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite

lol yes it is

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real
weak and most susceptible?

Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the
ones that really need someone to protect them?

Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are: I love
you, Sorry and help me

Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in
themselves?

Did you know that those who dress in yellow ar e thos e that enjoy their
beauty?

Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be
unnoticed and need your help and understanding?

Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two
folds?

Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than
saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more
value when you say it to their face?

Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are
granted?

Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in
love, becoming rich, staying he althy, if you ask for it by faith, and
if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.

But don't believe everything I tell you, until you try it for
yourself.....HARLEY

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too
slowly.


Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all
count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.


The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot
car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.


Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off
your appetite and you'll eat less.


A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories
in one place. Isn't that handy?


If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if
you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?


If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate
to protect themselves.


If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a
balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?


Money talks. Chocolate sings.


Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.


Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A.
Because no one wants to quit.


If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose.
An entire garment industry would be devastated.


Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That
way, at least you'll get one thing done....

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he
glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon
realized that she was heading straight toward his seat. As fate would
have it, she took the seat right beside his.Eager to strike up a
conversation he blurted out "Business trip or pleasure?" She turned,
smiled and said, "Business...I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of
America Convention in Chicago." He swallowed hard. Here was the most
gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to
a meeting for nymphomaniacs!Struggling to maintain his composure, he
calmly asked, "What's your business role at the convention?" "Lecture,"
she responded. "I'm the lead lecturer where I use information I have
learned from my own personal experiences to debunk some of the popular
myths about sexuality." "Really," he said, "and what kinds of myths are
there?" "Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that
African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact
it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that
trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when
actually it is Jewish men who are the best. I have also discovered that
the lover with the absolutely best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm
sorry,"she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all this with you; I
don't even know your name." "Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but
my friends call me Bubba.

Seeing as how how im blocked from posting on badmans blogs, i felt the
need to add this info about his topic.

Abusive husbands and lovers harass 74% of employed battered women at
work, either in person or over the telephone, causing 20% to lose their
jobs

34% of the female homicide victims over age 15 are killed by their
husbands, ex-husbands, or boyfriends

The amount spent to shelter animals is three times the amount spent to
provide emergency shelter to women from domestic abuse situations

Up to 64% of hospitalized female psychiatric patients have histories of
being physically abused as adults

50% of the homeless women and children in the U.S. are fleeing abuse

In homes where domestic violence occurs, children are abused at a rate
1,500% higher than the national average

Women are most likely to be killed when attempting to leave the abuser.
In fact, they're at a 75% higher risk than those who stay

The number-one cause of women's injuries is abuse at home. This abuse
happens more often than car accidents, mugging, and rape combined.

60% of all battered women are beaten while they are pregnant

Approximately 95% of the victims of domestic violence are women.
(Department of Justice figures

Every 9 seconds in the United States a woman is assaulted and beaten

In the United States, a woman is more likely to be assaulted, injured,
raped, or killed by a male partner than by any other type of assailant

Prison terms for killing husbands are twice as long as for killing
wives.

93% of women who killed their mates had been battered by them. 67%
killed them to protect themselves and their children at the moment of
murder.

70% of men who batter their partners either sexually or physically abuse
their children

Domestic violence is the number one cause of emergency room visits by
women

73% of the battered women seeking emergency medical services have
already separated from the abuser.

It has always been my belief that when you are least
looking for something it will ambush you.

Sometimes when you look to hard for something , thats when its over
looked the most. .....

Funny newguy... lol and thats a NO ..

ty nusalor

magine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) women rocking away on
a porch as the sultry summer's day comes to a slow end. The horizon is
awash with the sun's setting hues. A few pesky no-see-ums fly about.



The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says: "Sisters,
I've been thinking. Each of us has a husband whose name is LeRoy. It's
been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes when I yell 'LeRoy!!' your
husband comes and sometimes yours answers and once in a while mine
comes. I think it's time we rename our husbands to end the confusion."



Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by the creaking
of the hold rocking chairs on the loose planks. The first lady again
speaks up and says, "I think I'll name my husband 'Seven-UP'".



"Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband 'Seven-UP'?"
queries one of the old gals.



"Why, he's got seven inches and it's always up!" replies the first lady.



The second lady then muses a bit and says, "I think I'm going to name my
LeRoy 'Mountain Dew'."



"Why, sister, why are you going to name him 'Mountain Dew'?"



"Well, cuz mountin' is one thing he do real well," the second lady says.



Both then turn to the third woman as she rocks slowly in her chair and
of her they ask, "And, what will you name your husband, sister?"



"I've been thinking that I just might name him 'Jack Daniels'," she
said.



"Why, sister, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!!"



"That's my LeRoy!", the third woman responds...

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.

ACTORS do it on cue.

ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.

AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.

ANSI does it in the standard way

ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.

ARCHITECTS have great plans.

ARTISTS are exhibitionists.

ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.

ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.

ATTORNEYS make better motions.

AUDITORS like to examine figures.

BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.

BAILIFFS always come to order.

BAKERS knead it daily.

BAND MEMBERS play all night.

BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.

BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.

BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.

BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.

BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.

BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.

BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.

BEER DRINKERS get more head.

BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.

BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.

BOSSES delegate the task to others.

BOWLERS have bigger balls.

BRICKLAYERS lay all day.

BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.

BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.

BUTCHERS have better meat.

C'Bers do it on the air.

CAMPERS do it in a tent.

CARPENTERS hammer it harder.

CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.

CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.

CHEMISTS like to experiment.

CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.

CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.

CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.

CLOWNS do it for laughs.

COACHES whistle while they work.

COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs.

****TAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.

COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop.

COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.

CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.

CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.

COPS have bigger guns.

COWBOYS handle anything horny.

COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.

CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.

CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.

DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.

DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.

DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.

DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.

DENTISTS do it in your mouth.

DETECTIVES do it under cover.

DIETICIANS eat better.

DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.

DIVERS do it deeper.

DOCTORS do it with patience.

DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.

DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.

DRY WALLER'S are better bangers.

ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.

ENGINEERS charge by the hour.

EXECUTIVES have large staffs.

FARMERS spread it around.

FIREMEN are always in heat.

FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.

FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.

FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.

GARBAGE MEN come once a week.

GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.

GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.

GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.

GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.

GYMNASTS mount and dismount well.

HACKERS do it with fewer instructions.

HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs.

HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.

HANDYMEN like good screws.

HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision.

HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.

HUNTERS do it with a bang.

INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.

INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.

INVENTORS find a way.

JANITORS clean up afterwards.

JEWELERS mount real gems.

JOGGERS do it on the run.

LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.

LAWYERS do it in their briefs.

LIBRARIANS do it quietly.

LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.

LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.

MACHINISTS make the best screws.

MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.

MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet.

MANAGERS supervise others.

MARKETING REPs do it on commission.

MILKMEN deliver twice a week.

MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.

MINERS sink deeper shafts.

MINISTERS do it on Sundays.

MISSILE MEN have better thrust.

MODELS do it in any position.

MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters.

MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.

MOVIE STARS do it on film.

MUSICIANS do it with rhythm.

NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.

NURSES call the shots.

OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.

OPERATORS do it person-to-person.

OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.

PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.

PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash.

PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion.

PILOTS keep it up longer.

PLUMBERS do it under the sink.

POLICEMEN like big busts.

POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.

POSTMEN come slower.

PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets.

PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.

PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end.

PROFESSORS do it by the book.

RACERS like to come in first.

RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall..

RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.

REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.

RECYCLERS use it again.

REPAIRMEN can fix anything.

REPORTERS do it daily.

RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.

RETAILERS move their merchandise.

ROOFERS do it on top.

RUNNERS get into more pants.

SAILORS like to be blown.

SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.

SCIENTISTS discovered it.

SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.

SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.

SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.

SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.

SPELUNKERS do it underground.

SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay.

STEWARDESSES do it in the air.

STUDENTS use their heads.

SURGEONS are smooth operators.

TAILORS make it fit.

TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.

TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.

TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.

TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.

TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.

TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.

TRUCKERS carry bigger loads.

TYPISTS do it in triplicate.

VETERINARIANS are ***** lovers.

VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.

WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.

WATER SKIERS come down harder.

WELDERS have hotter rods.

WRESTLERS know the best holds.

WRITERS have novel ways.

ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct....

Why dose the easter bunny hide his eggs?






He don't want anyone to know, he's ****ing a chicken ......

Rejection is painful, But it dont have to hurt long.. Just Smile for
10sec. and see you feel better ,the 11th sec after ..
let it go as soon as you can ... and move one to better things..

Happy Birthday

thats just not right..........lol

Lmoa I bet you do ...

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
engines

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done.
Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job
security

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings,
they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

We put the "k" in "kwality."

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural
Stupidity

A person who smiles in the face of dversity...probably
has a scapegoat.

If you can stay calm, while all around you is
chaos...then you probably haven't completely
understood the situation.

Plagiarism saves time.

If at first you don't succeed, try management.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid
altogether.

TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame
yourself.

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in
large groups.

We waste time, so you don't have to.

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an
incompetent slacker.

A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm
clock at all.

When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee
break.

INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

Succeed in spite of management.

Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other
companies do all day.

You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you.

Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.

And my personal favorite:

If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling
the right thing.