CUM--AGIN.....DAH

THATS REALLY FUNNY ,,I CANT QUIT LAUGHIN,,,

Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they
found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the
lights off because they can't see each other using sign language.
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife
decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on
some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex
with me, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. If you don't
want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife,
"Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on
penis one time."

"If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis....fifty
times."

TAH--DAH

Me and my girlfriend was makin sweet love in the dark woods one night and i said : damn ,,i wish i had a flashlite ,,she said me too,,you been eating grass for the last 10 minutes ,,

Down here in TEXAS ,,A good date can SUCK START A SCHOOL BUS...THANK BOUT IT ,,LOL

A week after their marriage, the redneck newlyweds, Bubba and Arlene, paid a visit to their doctor.

"You ain't gonna believe this, Doc," said the husband. "My thingy's turnin' blue." "That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."
The doctor takes a look, and sure enough, the redneck's "thingy" really was blue.
The doctor turns to the wife, "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed for you?"
"Yep, shore am," she replied brightly.
"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"
"Grape," she said.

Hell,,Getting paid to finger,!!!!!!

THATS THE FUNNEST THANG I'VE HEARD IN A LONG TIME ,,,THANKS

If'n my grandmaw had balls


she'd been my grand paw...huh

THE WINO GOT MUD ON HIS TURTLE..THE END,,HEE-HEE

MUD ON YOUR TURTLE..HUMMM--OUCH

The Urinal Is Too High ..

A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses.


When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.


Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boy's up one by one holding onto their wee wees to direct the flow. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 4th grade."


"No, ma'am, " he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race.

WOW,,HOW ROMANTIC!!

TIGHTY-WHITIES

THEM NASTY A$$ PORT-A-CANS IS PROBALY WHY!!!

THANKS,,,BAD ASS,,KEEP-UM COMING...

NOW THAT MY FRIEND ,,DOWN HERE IN TEXAS IS CALLED (GETTING MUD ON YOUR TURTLE) LOL

WE CALL IT (MUD-HOGGEN ) DOWN HERE IN TEXAS,,

GOTTA ROOT IN IT A LITTLE FIRST...

THEN TEAR IT UP,,WE CALL IT (KNOCKEN THE BOTTOM OUT OF IT)..

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST (HARD HEADED)...

> How's this for a gunshot survivor...
>>
>> Linda Burnett , 23, a resident of San Diego , was visiting her in-laws >> and
>> while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
>>
>> Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up >> and
>> with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One
>> customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and >> walked
>> over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she >> looked
>> very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she >> had
>> been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for
>> over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car >> because
>> the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her >> head.
>>
>> When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough >> on
>> the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the
>> heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of >> dough
>> hit her in the back of her head.
>>
>> When she reached back to find out w hat it was, she felt the dough and
>> thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly >> recovered.
>>
>> Linda is a blonde and a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could >> be
>> irrelevant.