Just kidding

Thank you

baby steps. alternative school? (is 20 the age limit?) GED?

I don't think more education is the answer. If there is an issue with motivation for work... its probably a reflection of a bigger picture. It would be awful to pay an arm and a leg, only to have it be wasted because he wasn't motivated to go to class or do school work.

I don't quite know... helping around the house was never much of an option. My sister and I always had chores. My parents taught us that just because they are the parents and we are the kids doesn't mean they do all the work and we sit and play. We were a family unit, and we all participated and worked together. In my opinion, especially when you have a child thats over the age of 18... its true that you aren't legally obligated to offer them home and shelter. If one doesn't choose to work outside the home, then one should be willing to pull their weight around the house to makeup for it. Whether or not a child has a job, they should ALWAYS pick up after themselves. I am not familiar with what a family life is like where a mom cleans the kids rooms for them. Its a child's responsibility to take care of their own things. When I was younger, I had a habit of leaving my toys ALL around the house. As I grew up, toys became bobby pins, hair clips and earrings... lol. I just would leave things around in random places, and I lost them all the time. My mom taught me to put things where they belong, and then ill always know where they'll be.

If a kid refuses to put forth a little effort in helping out around the house, I say the parents should cease to put forth an effort to wipe the kid's butt. They dont want to set the table, mow the long or shovel the driveway? Then the parent can boycott laundry and let the kid smell like a dirty gym sock for a week. Us snotty brats tend to learn best when we are embarrassed or a bit uncomfortable. I watched on The View last week, a mother made her son stand by the road holding a sign that said "I was rude to my teacher" and the boy was mortified, cars honked and everything. I bet he wont forget that for the rest of his life.

Its hard, because my mom was in the hospital ill for a while, and i was selected gopher, to drive in and out of the city to deliver stuff for her, and then i was in charge of all the cooking, laundry, cleaning at home in her absence for my dad. I had very little motivation to put all my efforts into finding a job- i was pretty busy. I read classifies in the paper, went on craistlist, posted my resume online... i applied to about 5 jobs a day. Once my mom was home and getting better, i was just irritated by constant rejection wherever i applied to. (similar to now, even. I thought i would never get a job... i applied to burger king, and i was told that i was over qualified... something about they have to have a certain percentage of minorities, and i just dont fit). Its frustrating.

My dad is very wise... he tells me that finding a job IS a full-time job. You should wake up at 8am, and go out and apply to every single place you can... and keep track of it and call about a week later to remind them of you and to ask for an interview.

With me, personally.. i just hate the rejection. I take it personally and it makes me feel useless and my self esteem plummets. I am thankful i was able to find ANYTHING, because i have cabin fever... i just WANT to get out and do ANYTHING! even if its flipping burgers or wearing a mouse/rat (your interpretation) costume and hug little kids.

He just needs some motivation. I can sort of relate... i am currently 19. I couldnt find a job last spring so my parents kicked me out of the house. I had no where to go.. i lived in a homeless shelter for like 2 weeks before i found anything. I got a job and worked, lived in the homeless shelter. finally could afford some crappy room in the city. lived there and saved, but i eventually started moving all around the state. I just kept following the pattern of finding a job, finding someplace to live. I couldnt afford my cellphone bill, so i had no phone. no computer obviously. i didnt talk to my parents for months upon months. they were worried. I was living paycheck to paycheck. My time always expired. I tried to make it back home, but when i knocked on my parents front door, they turned me away and i had to sleep outside that night. And so it began again.. homeless shelter, find a job.. work and save until i could afford to rent a room somewhere.

I was able to sublease an apartment for a steady couple of months and work a steady job. With the more stable lifestyle, i could do normal things again, like make friends and date. I met a really lovely young man, and now he and i share an apartment. But then i lost my job.. my store closed and i was stuck finding just any ol' crappy job again. i am newly employed to chuck E cheese.. i start next monday.


my point is... just kicking him out causes a lot of trouble. Living on the streets, moving from couch to couch isnt positive, and it could spark negative behaviors such as drugs and drinking. (not a problem with me, ive always been a typical good kid). I know its hard, you are probably at your wits end, and rightfully so.. but i encourage you to try to motivate him positively.

haha

awe.. i want a puppy

wednesday.... as in hump day?

dont you mean "because there are a lot of *US* "bad kissers" out there"?

good ol' arctic tundra MI...

im in the grand rapids region

Thank you for the insight and support

what woman doesnt?

"When a woman doesnt feel safe in her well: waves greatly increase when a woman is in an intimate relationship. It is essential that she feel safe to go through this cycle. otherwise she works hard at pretending that everything is always alright and suppresses her negative feelings. When a woman doesnt feel safe to go into her well, her only alternative is to avoid intimacy and sex, as well to suppress and numb her feelings through addictions like drinking, overeating, overworking, or overcaretaking. even with her addictions, however, she periodically will fall into her well and her long suppressed feelings come up in the most uncontrolled explosive manner"
--> the "addictions" is partially what set me off in the first place. my addiction to dealing with suppressed emotion is eating. I had jokingly asked him why i was the only taken women on the planet to not receive chocolate on valentines day, and he told me he wasnt going to give me chocolate because its not good for me and i need to watch my weight. that definitely set me off and i felt aweful about myself.

Mutilation is something that isnt part of my life anymore and hasnt for a few years. Last night, my boyfriend and i had this explosive argument and all this huge misunderstanding... i wanted to talk to him and he was so short tempered with me, so i tried to suppress my feelings so there would be nothing to talk about, but it definitely exploded out of me. He managed to calm me down and coo me to bed, and then i woke up this morning from him caressing my cheek before he got dressed and left for work. I talked about all my feelings to one of my friends this morning, and talking about it all now here... and i feel 100% better. I feel as if nothing bad had happened at all... like my wave is back on its way up.

thank you lonelyinneedoflove.. its true.. i dont necessarily need him to understand. But i do need him to listen, and offer a little empathy. I dont want to lay such heavy burdens on him... but i do want him to somewhat know what im going through and why. i dont want him to feel helpless.

lol no... my ex is a poser.. he chose a name that was taken by somebody else.

but if you google "Detroit PUA magnus" you can read the pua forums and stuff. thats him

I am reading "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" and it is quite insightful.

It says that when women are happy, men take credit for it... and when we are unhappy... men also take responsibility. I want him to know that its me, and not him or the relationship. I just need a little empathy.

The book also explains womens emotions in terms of waves, a natural cycle of highs and lows.

"when a womans wave rises, she feels good about herself and feels she has an abundance of love to give, but when it falls she feels her inner emptiness and needs to be filled up with love. this time of bottoming out is a time for emotional housecleaning.
if she has suppressed any negative feelings or denied herself in order to be more loving on the upswing of her wave, then on the downswing she begins to experience these negative feelings and unfulfilled needs. during this downtime she especially needs to talk about problems and be heard and understood.
Women need to hit bottom before they can come back up. The last thing a woman needs when she is on her way down is someone telling her why she shouldn't be down. what she needs is someone to be with her as she goes down, to listen to her while she shares her feelings, and to emphasize with what she is going through. When a woman comes out of the well, she becomes her usual loving self again. this positive shift is generally misunderstood by men.
a man typically things that whatever what bothering her is now completely healed or resolved.
this is not the case.. it is an illusion.
When her wave crashes again, similar issues will arise. when her issues come up again, he becomes impatient because he thinks they have already been resolved. without understanding the wave, he finds it hard to validate and nurture her feelings again"

My boyfriend and I have been getting more and more disconnected. I have been struggling with some really difficult negative things, and I really need his love and support... but im not getting it. He gets frustrated and irritated when i dont share things with him, he wants to help me... but the way he approaches me isnt very safe. His tone is short and irritable, and his reactions tend to be negative. I am afraid to tell him "sometimes, i feel like hurting myself... and so i distract myself so that i dont" because he'd react with "anyone who would intentionally hurt themselves is crazy" (which is typical of him...)

Its my job to share stuff with him... but isnt it his job to be a little more compassionate and to be a better listener? why would i go out of my way to talk with him if it ends up making me feel worse...

i dont know how to fix this



**I will specify that i do not hurt myself anymore, and i havent for quite a looong time.. but i get the dangerous urge to, but i keep myself from doing it

I have a strong dislike for PUAs...

members claim that it boosts their self confidence and self esteem, which makes them more desirable to women. They do sort of use "tricks" and "tactics" to keep a girls attention, to read if shes into him, and how to pick her up. I watched The Pickup Artist on VH1, hosted by Mystery...

However... its a 2-way game. There are various websites, books and seminars teaching women how to snag-a-man... sometimes a handsome man. often times a wealthy man (doctor, ladies? yes please!) Heck.. if you read cosmo girl.. its like "Prom: how to get the perfect date to match your perfect dress!" and crap like that.

Both sides are participating. We both feed into it. Women need to be more aware of themselves. I do recommend reading The Game. I have... but then again i did to understand my ex. He went with some friends to a few PUA meetings and was interested in joining. The thing is.. i had a slight issue with my boyfriend practicing picking up women... and being good at it.. which he was. In fact.. you can google him.. he is a member of the detroit PUAs... his alias is "Magnus"... which- part of a sick ironic revenge... was an inside joke between him and myself.

Learning about the tricks will keep you from being fooled.