42 dates. (i kept track)

I got out of a 2 year relationship last july. It was the sort of breakup where it was HIS fault. He chose to focus on his UofM education and partying over me, because it was more convenient and his friends approved. I was furious and upset with him. I spent one month being very upset and depressed.... and after that i just desperately wanted to prove to myself that not all men are selfish pompous jerks.

So what i did, is i posted a craigslist ad called "material girl looking for more"... at the time i worked in the mall, i did hair and makeup.. and i felt like i was trapped in a world where nothing about mind and heart mattered.

I thought i would get a reply or two.. but oooh no. let me tell you. I got over 400 responses!!!! About 50 of them were spam... another 100 were men over the age of 30.. but the rest were men in my area that read my post and wanted to get to know me.

So i went on a mad dating spree. I went on like 30 one-time-dates, where things just werent working... and a few more 2nd dates... about 2 guys made it to 3rd and 4th date... and i finally chose one.. and hes the one im with now. Holy crap... I went on a date EVERY night. i didnt go grocery shopping for months.. because these men kept me fed and entertained. Went out to dinner, went to the movies, rented movies, went shopping, did laser tag, did roller skating... lots and lots of dates. None of the guys were creepy. Most were just good hearted guys within a 5-year age radius of me. Shy guys.

But let me tell you.. the first was the worst. The guy took me out to eat, was a gentleman... but then he kept asking me questions and he successfully kept me talking for like 3.5 hours. I was tired, i just wanted to go home. AND he smothered me a little... he'd look at me and id be like "yes?/what?" and he'd be like "nothing... you are just really beautiful..." which was sweet...
and when he took me home.. i forgot ALL about a good night kiss. I was NOT interested.. my voice was horse from talking all night long (literally) and i thanked him for dinner, and said good night and right when i was going back to my apartment, he held his arms open and was like "do i at least get a hug?" so i was like "oh, of course" thinking a hug was innocent, right? well he pulled a fast one and tried to kiss me. I managed to turn fast enough to limit him to cheek.
Oh, and then he called me the next day... twice... and then the next day as well. I finally told him i wasnt interested and i apologized. cripes

thanks for the birthday wishes everyone. I appreciate it

la la di da

thanks everyone!!

thank you thank you guys!!

Things have really been looking up today.

I just got not one.. but TWO jobs. its so hard to find work in michigan.. and i snagged TWO *****es! eat that. lol

thanks everyone!

its sweet potato day?

weird.. lol

lol... indeed

My 20th birthday!

I believe in destiny.. but theres a lot of love in the world... you have to go out and get it. Love is a blessing, a sweet reward.. you have to be prepared to work for it. Its not going to just fall in your lap.

I think you should shift focus from loneliness to you. Do whatever it takes to make you feel better and be happy. Try to improve yourself. It is referred to as "peacocking". (chiefPUA...lol) Try to eat healthier, maybe work out a little. Improve hygiene. You know.. put your best face forward. It'll make you feel better about yourself and be more confident.. and then who would want to be around you??

yes, (If its sunny and im bundled up, for short periods of time)

Have you/do you pick your nose?

Me too. My sister got me this antique Tarot card set... and its addicting.
I love do sit down with friends and do readings. We dont look into it TOO much, but its interesting and insightful for each of us to read our cards, and share what we think it means.

Do I sense some arrogance, chiefPUA?

another update:
I was done babysitting around 6... and my boyfriend came home just before 7, and I asked why he was home so early... he said he politely declined going to dinner with X and Y because he didn't want to go by himself.
I don't exactly know what he did between 4-ish, which is when he was done getting fitted for a tux (gunna be in a wedding, awe!)... and 7...

but I was glad he came home.

Well its okay, everyone. I am off the hook.

I babysat for one of his co-workers kids all day today. they JUST left. awe shucks, couldnt make it to dinner.

I get along with all his other friends, just not mike and kelly (oops, X and Y)
like the guy he works with (Z? lol) is a lot like jon.. a techy nerdy guy.. but his wife is tons like me, and their kids are so cute.. and they stayed here and we hung out and talked for an extra hour before they went home... and they are in their late 20's early 30's. I am a very social person. i am quite agreeable!

But alas... i am glad i am off the hook. phew

It seems counter-productive to drive 30 miles for a job that pays me minimum wage. With the fuel economy... I will be spending the majority of my paycheck on just getting myself TO work.

I win!

I dont think i can go with grace. Im still quite upset that he openly shared my private business with his friends, and how it affected the way they treat me. Im afraid that ill start to cry, or that ill blow up at him.

I just dont feel strong enough to put on a happy face and go make nice with the enemy.


Like i said... when he expressed his concern about hanging out with my friends... i did what i had to do to make it more pleasant for both parties. I made my bf look good, and helped steer conversation in a positive direction. I know what makes him uncomfortable to talk about and i know what he loves to talk about. Now they love him and he likes talking and hanging out with them.

pungent, eh?

Thats really good positive re-enforcement.
its true... its hard to find work at this age. I, for one, reside in michigan... worse economy ever. I had a good, fun, steady job... until the owner came in one day and said "surprise! we are no more! we'll mail you your last paycheck"
Its been really rough since. As i mentioned earlier... i even applied to burger king and got turned down. Im pretty sure my self-esteem plummeted to rock bottom that day. Its extremely discouraging... its hard to keep momentum.

god, i just really dont want to go. On the flip side... he feels uncomfortable around my friends because they are all.. you know... significantly younger. Its hard for him to relate... but i do everything in my power to make him more comfortable. All my friends love him! I gave both sides suggestions of what to talk about, things they had in common or could discuss. I also say nothing but good things to my friends about the people i date.... even when we fight or something and i need to vent... i am quite graceful and i give both sides, and even my venting makes him look good.

Why is it hard for him to do the same to me?

I am ultimately furious that he told them all the things that i have been struggling with- private matters. Things that may not be THAT bad... but things i am certainly not proud of, and it seriously alters the light shining on me. He just dished all my private stuff, and now they have a biased opinion about me because of it.