I'm done all of my processing, I think. I feel at peace. You all can be in my past now and I'm ready to move forward. This feels so good. It's time for me to live at last!

I always loved this thread too! Love notes can be anything really. They can even be angry. LOL

Mine for today:

I was not expecting that response from you. Thank you so much. I really feel like you understand me and accept me. That means so much to me. I needed to hear those words. Everything will be fine now. With me at least. We'll see how the rest of it goes.

Agreed once again, lady.

Hello Atlantis. Haven't seen you in this thread before. Actually, haven't seen you in any thread before. Welcome.

I completely agree with you, Emily.

Lots of processing, good stuff. The bitterness is decreasing. I'm overflowing with love though and I want to find someone who will appreciate me and all I have to offer.

Lots of processing, good stuff. The bitterness is decreasing. I'm overflowing with love though and I want to find someone who will appreciate me and all I have to offer.

Oh, boys. Oh, men. It's all the same. The young ones just look better and are more fun. I want a relationship. But I want one with someone who can keep up and handle me. I want a multi-level connection. Why is that so hard to find? Glad there was some action in this thread at least. I've been away for over a week.

Thank you. That's not what I'm looking for either. I've decided I'm not looking for anything. It's just easier that way. Then whenever anything comes at me, I'll recognize it.

But yeah, I have come to upping my age limit, but like you, there's nothing set in stone. For me it's all about connection. If I meet someone and there's a connection of any kind, that's a rare thing and I will explore it to find out what it is. Some things become multi level connections. Others don't. I realized tonight that I like having multiple men in my life, but in different roles. I've been told that I am a Herculean task. So I have people in my life that fulfill some need. Some are intellectual. Others are spiritual. Few are actually sexual. I just explore because every connection is worthy of exploration (and again, not talking sexually!) because you just never know what you might find. Apologies for my early morning haven't made it to bed yet ramblings.

Multi message tonight.

Derek. It still hurts just a bit.
Chuck. You know it's not right. We're supposed to be friends.
Bruce. Ditto. The best of friends.
Luke. Did you really want a chance? I don't understand.
Michael. I don't understand what the problem is. Let's dig and talk.
Thomas. I miss you sometimes.
Kirk. I need to see you very soon. I need to know.
David. That stolen kiss tonight was f*ucking hot. Mmmm.

If I forgot anyone, I apologize. :lol: I love you all in different ways. And even though it won't work with any of you (with a few possible exceptions) for whatever reason, I still loved all parts of you. I don't understand how love can not be all accepting.

Love is depth within yourself. It's this passion inside. It's a fire in your heart, a warming fire like an old wood stove. It's the freedom to surrender to what is, to allow your soul to be naked. Your soul. It's the freedom to be yourself, who you really are, who you are when you're alone. It's the freedom to allow yourself to speak only the truth at all times, and for no other reason than it's the right f*ucking thing to do. It's the freedom to openly communicate your most intimate thoughts and feelings without fear of a negative response because you know you will be heard and not judged. Love is comfortable. It's being in the same room in separate worlds. And enjoying it. It's safe. Like your grandpop's chair or your grandmom's lotion. Being in love is like being in a bubble with your love. You are both cushioned from the evils and pains of the outside world by the positive energy created by the love existent betwixt you. I've never had that. I've thought I've had it, but it was bubble wrap and got popped. Love is like home. And I've never really had a home either. But I'm working on it now. And maybe when I make my home and have my home, I will have that love. And maybe I won't. But hey, it's a nice thought and it IS possible. I have so much love in my heart to give. And I give my love freely when there is a connection. And you all are/were connections. I guess that's it. It's getting really early and I'm getting tired.

To Derek again:

I'm done my emotional processing of you. That wasn't too bad. Thank you for getting engaged. It helped me process more quickly. Now if we can just finish off our property ownership issues, we can be out of each others' lives. Please let us proceed with that.

Just to be clear...when I invited JJ to take a road trip to PA for a weekend, I was being facetious. I don't know the guy, but I did like what he had to say in this thread and my "invitation" was merely a way of letting him know that I like the way he thinks, and I think he demonstrates understanding of some things beyond his actual years.

I also apologize profusely for having a leg. Especially one that is on one of my pictures. The horror of leg exposure. I just like the picture. I don't have many pictures of myself that I like. So I put ones up that I do like. I will have to see if I can remove my leg or something, I guess. I do not want to be offensive or appear to be slutty or too "openly inviting."

Feel like a road trip to PA this weekend?

To Derek yet again:

I cried again tonight. I processed a ton of **** including what was probably the best day we had together, our first day. I wrote 11 handwritten pages which is oh, so appropriate, isn't it?

11:11. Four. But I don't understand the eights. I love you. I hate you. I loved you. I hated you. I don't know which is true. I'll miss you never. I'll miss you forever. It doesn't matter to you. I wish I could do an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and just have you erased from my memory. All the good, all the bad. Especially the good. That's what ****ing hurts to lose. And when you say you had no good, well, that ****ing hurts too. I gave you everything I had and everything I am. I'm sorry that wasn't good enough for you.

I am looking for a relationship ultimately. I share more common interests with younger people than people my own age. But I'm now looking in the 10-12 years younger range. Last one was 23 years younger and that was too much of a difference.

I don't look or act my age. I'm almost 44 (next month) so the other night when I went out with a guy of 32, no one looked twice at us. When I was with my 20yo ex-bf, there was obviously an age difference (and I couldn't take him to a bar). Of course, he looked 18 too.

That being said, I don't really care what other people think. If I meet someone and we dig each other and choose to have a relationship, it doesn't (and shouldn't) matter how old either of us is.

To Derek again:

OMFG. You are now engaged? 44 days ago you were with me (1/15/11). Then 6 days later something happened and you were freaking out (1/21/11). Then something else happened unexpectedly. You weren't sure what it was or what it meant but you were sure that you were done with me (1/28/11). Then you were in a relationship (2/4/11). Then you were in love on Valentine's Day (2/14/11). And now you're engaged (2/28/11). Holy fu$ck. I am laughing really. If you're going to be happy, fine, whatever. But cut the ties to me, dude. Really. It's perverse that you're holding onto them. I WILL go beyond my pleasant emails. I WILL get what I deserve. I think that I will call a lawyer tomorrow to see what my options are. I am in shock. I am sickened. But I have to laugh. I'm trying to want you to be happy, but you have to let me go so I can be happy too.

And Derek...you were SO wrong. I regret you more than anything. You hurt me more than anyone in my life ever has. You f#ucking suck bigtime.

I think it's time to draw some other people into this thread! Maybe we should search them out and invite? Dunno.

I'm about sick of men right now honestly. Would love to have a reason to get over that illness. :-)

To Derek:

You said you loved me. You said you wanted me to be happy. You got your closure and you have moved on to "love" someone else. I want to let go of you, but I need my closure. How am I to get my closure when there are still ties out there for all the world to see? You "love" someone else. You say you've let me go and you want nothing to do with me. Fine. But YOU have to get rid of those ties that YOU hold onto. When YOU remove the ties that still bind us together, I will be able to let you go and be free. I will ask this of you once. I hope that you will see that YOU are the one keeping me tied to you, and that YOU will then cut the ties that YOU possess. I do not belong to you anymore. I am NOT your possession anymore. You can't use me for YOUR benefit anymore because WE are no more. I let it go on for this long after we "split up" because I knew you hadn't moved on and I held out hope that time would allow us to heal and try again. But now you "love" someone else. So you should be able to cut those final ties and let me be free now. If you ever loved me, you should want me to be happy as you said you did. So cut the ties, let me have my closure, let me be free of you.

Don't know how lucky I am really. I meet lots of men and that part does come easily. But they tend not to stick around all that long...or nothing really develops from it in the first place. I had another bad emotional processing night about my ex-love last night and I still feel horrible today. I'm going to be SO free when this is all done, but it's so hard because it's not just about HIM. It's about him AND everything from my past that he triggered. I'll be so strong when it's done too. And I'll be so ready, though I still wonder if ANY man (of any age) can handle me.

Where, oh where, are you? And tonight I speak to someone I have not yet met.