doin pretty good here sweet how bout u? by the way eagle thanks for puttin ur 2 cents in it made me smile and i felt a little better :)

Twisting and tourturing this heart
The knife plunges deeper with each passing day
Your her father
The man whose job it is to stand by her
To love her come what may
Instead as she reaches out to you
You back away
Too far to see the tears
Hear the sobs born of her fathers rejection
How can this not break your heart?
Don't you realize?
Children are a precious gift.
Yours faces challanges but she is no different
Twisting and tourturing this heart
The knife plunges deeper
As all the important things you will miss
Because you are too scared of all she has to live with
Comes to mind.
You see your little girl has fallen in love
Most fathers would want more than anything
To escort her down the isle.
But you
You would rather pretend she does not exist.
Its easier that way
At least for the moment
Someday you will wake up and realize
Those around you have children
Who have given them beautiful grandchildren
And you
You will have nothing but your ignorance

yea thats what i thought too but at the same time the only thing he has ever given me is this redheaded temper (i use it quite often)LOL ugh i just dont know...i feel kinda silly for whining like this its just i dont know my mom doesn't really get it she told me what a jerk he is she hates him and she lets it go at that but being his child...its different and what r eally gets me is the fact that he accepts his gfs kids but rejects his only daughter!!!!!!!!!! again i apologize you guys

so you dont think it was wrong of me to cut all ties with him? i did everything i thought would make him proud i mean jeez i had straight A's from 5th grade all the way up to my senior year!!!! not even THAT made him see i wasn't slow or anything so i called and left a message saying i didnt want a relationship with him after all.
i feel bad now but why should i waste my time on someone who wont accept me when i had a few friends and a wonderful guy that DOES accept all of me

thanks sage ill try some people dont change though i mean hes not a drunk anymore but obviously hes still very ignorant i just hope he does change

your right but see its confusing because after 20 yrs i finally had him back...he even wanted me to move to ohio with him! but the second he heard i had panic attacks and stuff he bailed soo does that mean he never loved me like he said? im wondering if he felt like he HAD to say it since hes my dad you know what i mean?

last night i found out why my biological father took off again apparently my disability "freaks him out" big deal i use a friggin wheelchair and have panic attacks!!!!!! its not like im dyin' ugh more and more i've noticed just how ignorant people are!!! and the fact that my own father is scared of me is ridiculous i mean i could understand if he didnt know but he was told when i was an infant i had CP grrrr whats wrong with the world?

yea still i realllly wish he'd stay

yea your right listen im sorry for bein such a whiner i feel kinda stupid

gee hawaii im terribly sorry that my fear is depressing you!

i did that the first time but still my dang anxiety would trip me up this disability makes it 10000 times worse all my family can say is well then you shouldnt have gotten with him its your fault but what was i supposed to say? im sorry i love u but i cant be with you because your a soldier and if u ever go anywhere i'll freak because of my anxiety caused by my disability? i think not! sometimes i do think i dont belong with him though i dunno its just..its hard

it helps a little but it seems the more i pray the more im ignored and i dont really have a lot of friends to help me through it which makes it harder it just scares me so much because i know what they did to him and it could happen again you know but if i say somethin he might think i don't believe in him which i do more than he'll ever realize and by the way im very sorry for your loss

awwwww im sorry coco i never really had a decent father so i dont miss him but i do miss my uncle...he and i were really close

ugh you guys i just dunno anymore! sometimes life really sucks!!! i want to do the right thing but at the same time im afraid!! some of u already know this story but see my bf was hurt pretty bad in iraq the first time...hes been in the army for like 10 years to him its more like a way of life hes got the opportunity to quit and secretly i really want him to because i came so close to losing him but at the same time i dont want to be selfish so i've kept my mouth shut but its really getting hard on top of that hes talkin about wantin to go back over there when hes better!

very true suz never thought of it that way LOL

whats the point? i mean its not like they know right?
ugh or is my bf the only person in the world that does it cuz i think its a bit odd LOL

yea i know and i appreciate it more than you'll ever know

im not gonna say anything no matter how much i cry at night...this is what he wants its just hard you know?

those of u who know me well enough know why i wrote it but is it the right thing to do? i mean would saying something be selfish?

thanks guys