The day she was born
you looked down at her with misty eyes
counting her fingers and toes
tears of joy slid down your cheeks.
gently kissing her as she slept
you promised to keep her safe
from any harm life may bring,
don't you remember?
You brought her home and the years began to fly
your little girl is the happiest any one has seen
so full of pride and love you hold her close
never wanting to let go each day you gave her
millions of hugs and tons of kisses.
the first at her side when she cried
you dried every tear with
millions of hugs and tons of kisses
Now a young woman
one would never believe
she was the happiest anyone
had ever seen. her eyes once so bright
now dark and cold she sits alone
trying to forget all that life has given her through the years
seeking shelter in anger and hate, pushing everyone away
just so they won't see the tears she cries behind closed doors.
longing for your millions of hugs and tons of kisses
Watching silently as you hug the others
telling herself she is too old to care
about such foolish things
but if you took the time you could see the truth
inside she is still your little girl
crying silently for your millions of hugs
and tons of kisses.

You wonder why she has changed
growing more bitter with time
it is you who seems to have forgotten
the promise made all those years ago
instead of protecting her from the pain
it is you who has caused it. Don't you see?
she feels like nothing, just a living mistake
your millions of hugs and tons of kisses
nothing more than a distant memory
she scarcely remembers the days
when she was not "crazy"
she was just your little girl
basking in the warmth of
her mothers millions of hugs
and tons of kisses

im not too good at things like this so maybe some imput would help which card works better for surgery get well or thinking of you? i'm confused because hes not exactly sick but...ughhh help! which works better??????

when all seems lost
you have no will to carry on
turn to me i'll carry you through.
storms will rage you will fall
but you will always have my love
stronger than any other emotion
more true than anything you have ever known
life without you is not woth the pain
feeling so helpless wanting nothing more than to hold you close
i drop to my knees bow my head and pray
"please lord let my love surround him
let him feel me by his side as he sleeps
comforting him when he is overcome with fear
but most of all i beg of you lord please,
oh please just keep him here for he is my life
my one true love"





A dedication to Chris, the answer to my every prayer

i have been through a lot the past few months and i must say the friends i have made here are much more supportive and friendly than the ones on myspace a few of them who are quite a bit older than me have even sort of adopted me LOL so this site is A LOT better than myspace

some of u may remember me being upset about my fathers canceled visit well he did show last weekend and after many many tears shed because i thought it would be at least a few years before we saw him again i found out that he is moving in here with us!!!!!!! so i wont have to miss him anymore

ok this really sucks! i havent had writers block in so long and now boom here it is!! i've done a search on ways to get rid of it and nothing works!!!!!!

i only know of one and its getting old!

he finally made it home however i do have grim news the doctors found a tumor in his brain its not inoperable but they did tell him its risky i just thought i'd let those of u who responded know that i heard from him but obviously he'll still need your thoughts and prayers as he goes through this

selfish people piss me of as well as ungrateful people here lately i have been ashamed to be american because a lot of people cannot even take the time to say a simple thank you to those who deserve it

geez those im close to could really use a break as far as things happening to them goes a really good friend of mine just finished 2 years in iraq hewas injured really bad in june so they brought him home he was just recently released from the hospital and he left the other day to go have some tests done its been kinda tough because i have no idea whats going on its hard to just sit and wait you know? especially when its someone you have very strong feelings for i've tried to just ignore it but the fear of not knowing is very quickly catching up with me

i just wanted to say a huge thank you to all of my new friends who have encoraged me and helped me up when i needed it the most. it may sound a bit cheesey but growing up i never really had friends around where i live still dont as a matter of fact the one i did have decided to get married when we were 17now shes 20 with 3 kids she calls sometimes but only when her husband upsets her and i can't exactly get out and make new friends since its too hard for my mom to get me down the stairs and into the truck. there are a few of you who have made a really big difference and i want to let you know how much i appreciate it

Slipping once more into the darknes
too tired to find a way out
she slowly retreats into a shell of bitter hatred
so many broken promises and lies
with no one around to hear she cries
"must i really go on?"
Children play happily in the summer sunshire
drawing the curtains she drifts further from those who care
drowining in anger she cries
"must i really go on?"
Crickets chirp softly into the cool summer night
pale moonlight filling the room she lies on the floor
lost in a cloud of dark thoughts.
"must i really go on?"
Unable to cry any longer she lifts the picture from her desk,
gently running her fingers over his face as if to bring him back she cries
"must i really go on?"

what will it take to make you see
there is nothing i wouldn't do, nowhere i wouldn't go
if it meant you being here with me
the best of friends you and i
somewhere along the way something more began to bloom
hiding behind a wall of denial watching others be where i long to be
still you sensed nothing
night after night tears spill onto my pillow
oh how i love you so
the only one to help me up when i have fallen
to dry every last tear
the only glimmer of hope in a world of darkness
oh how i love you so
fearing you would run i do all i can
to keep these feelings at bay
the battle continues still to this day
oh how i love you so
hating others who enter your life
so afraid of you being hurt
the facade of having nothing more than friendship continues
watching as the rest come and go praying your heart will not be broken
i wait, how long? that is unknown
only as long as it takes you to realize,
all these years i have always loved you so




A dedication to a wonderful man who has been like a father to me for years i wish he knew how much my mom and i love and need him

Walking down the hallway
avoiding all eyes yet feeling them watching
She quickens her pace as if to out-run the taunts and evil jeers.
each day she came home her eyes filling with tears.
"Momma I just can't do this four more years"
walking down the hallway, staring at her feet,
today only paper is thrown, what will tomarrow bring?
clenching her fists she walks on,
weeks go by, then months its all the same
soon she grew cold and bitter shutting out the world
walking down the hallway
being bounced from wall to wall while others laughed.
not daring to shed a tear she grit her teeth.
once again running home her eyes filled with tears,
she pleaded with her mother,
"Please don't make me go four more years"
broken-hearted but convinced it would stop, she sent her off.
Walking down the hallway, hateful names are tossed about.
each one hitting her like a ton of bricks. her eyes empty, heart cold as ice
she walked on.
Today she came home but there were no tears.
she didn't beg her mother not to go four more years
just asended the stairs
once in her bedroom a silent storm of rage took hold.
Moments later her mother appears finding scibbled on a napkin,
the words, "momma i just couldn't handle four more years"

Day after day just barely crawling
i continued my journey through life
pleading with God to let me go
tired of skinning my knees
falling harder and harder
on the jagged rocks
of loss and heartache
tears spilling onto my cheeks
as i lie in the dirt
wishing the road would end
you stood before me
helping me to my feet
you dried the tears
Gently taking my hand
you walked beside me
giving me strength to continue
Today we walk on
hand in hand
two hearts beating as one
you have carried me through
sheltering me from
the jagged rocks
of loss and heartache
no longer falling
or wanting to quit
we walk on
our love growing ever stronger
Every breath is now for you
every tear is shed of joy
Today we walk on
hand in hand
two hearts beating as one

Like a cloud on a summer day
life keeps drifting by
faster than we realize
times change,as do we
Fresh pain is now in view
together we can make it through
our love growing ever stronger
today we walk on
hand in hand
two hearts beating as one
until at last the end is near
and we can walk through
the gates of heaven
hand in hand
two hearts beating as one
forever we shall walk on

i talked to him and told him how much it was hurting me so hes drivin up here tonight and stayin a few days so thank yall for the advice

hes not my real dad hes a friend of my moms but still hes been like a father to me since 7th grade so im not sure if i have a right to be angry i mean hell the guy even called to check on my grades b4 i graduated...he sent me birthday and christmas cards because more often than not my real father was too damn drunk to remember!

just this once i wish someone could keep their damn word is a few hours with my dad really that much to ask? whats wrong with parents these days its like their totally oblivious to the fact that when promises aren't kept our hearts are broken!

awesome! completely awesome!

Families broken, worlds turned upside-down
small children weep as mommy and daddy
prepare to leave them, no one knows how long
look at what you have done

Years pass the children grow older
another birthday has gone by
staring into the candle flame
then tightly closing their eyes
they wish for mommy's comforting voice
daddy's strong embrace
look at what you have done

Letters come more are sent
seasons change, time goes on
all the while the children grow
Each night they pray
"God why did mommy go away?"
still too young to understand
little else than their mommies and daddies
left them, too young to know the danger
look at what you have done.

Days are long, nights often sleepless
a mother gently carresses her little girls
photographed smile, her heart breaking
she fights back tears, there is a job to be done
softly she prays,
"God give me strength to make it home"
look at what you have done

More time passes, the children growing more frightened
loved ones search for words to comfort them
to help them understand why mommy and daddy have gone
little faces awash with tears, chins quivering
out of frustration they wail
"when will mommy and daddy be home?"
yes Mr Bush when will mommy and daddy come home?
looking into those sad little eyes
how do we tell them, so young and innocent
that mommy and daddy may not be coming home
look at what you have done

Families broken, worlds torn apart
small children weep as mommy and daddy
prepare to leave them
look at what you have done

If you still question why no one is behind you
maybe you should look into the sad little faces
trying to be brave
take a good look at these children
growing up without parents
look at what you have done