How true about kids.

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?”

A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"

"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"

He just looked at her and said "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.

One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.

His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks, and the car's running?"

She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything." "Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband. "No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him" she said.

"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband. "Cake? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?


Dress
-A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. -She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

-"What are you doing?" she asked. -"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work, " the daughter-in-law answered. -"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. -"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. -"Love Dress? But your naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. -"My husband loves me to wear this dress, " she explained. "When he sees it, he instantly becomes romantic.

-The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered and put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

-Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. -"This is my love dress, " she whispered, sensually. -"Needs ironing, " he said. "What's for dinner?" -His funeral will be held this coming Thursday, closed casket



A

This really make me laugh.

A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a Walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

What's that mean?" asked the child. Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with No dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?" The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR '



The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, ' He mated 50 times last year. '

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,

' ' THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR '



The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, ' That ' s more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him. '

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,

' THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR '

The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband ' s ribs, said, ' That ' s once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one

The husband looked at her and said, ' Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow. '

The husband ' s condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery

Who is Bubbles?

Very sick, but a good one.

If you were on death row, about two hours away from execution, what would be " your final meal request" We never think about the person on death row having thier last meal.

Mine would be:
1. 4 fried eggs.
2. 4 pieces of bacon.
4. 4 pancakes
5. 4 pieces of french toast.
6. 10 Mcdonalds chicken tenders.
7. Plate of fries
8. Large Pizza with everything on it.
9. A whole apple pie
10. Half gallon of ice cream.
11. 4 pieces of toast.


Just your thoughts.

I don't get it.

How true.

How did you find out about this great website? I found it on a seach of singles site. Isn't a great site?

Have your found your true love?

I am still seaching for my true love.

My passed many years ago and how true to what you posted. My mom always knew.

Sounds like a SBD" Silent, but deadly"

Lots of great ones. What do they mean? Mine means " nothing". That is all I could get.

If you are right with the lord and have the lord in your heart, then you will go to heaven.

A man on death row is going to be executed in about two hours and he is eating his final meal of
8 eggs, 10 strips of bacon, 10 sausages, 10 biscuits, 10 pancakes, 1 10 t-bone Steak, a who apple pie, a gallon of strawberry ice cream, 2 large pizza’s and a cup of tea.

The warden comes by and asks the condemned man” I know we granted you a request for a final meal of anything you wanted, but that is a lot of food and aren’t you worried about calories or weight gain?”

The condemned man cracks a big smile and says to the warden:” nope, warden, since I am going to be executed, can’t worries about calories or weight loss.

How much relief I am going to have after my hemorroid surgery next Tuesday.

Hope this doesn't offend anyone, but you ask a question, so I answered it.

Thanks for the great feedback, everybody. I will let you know next Wednesday, when I come home from the hospital.

I sure like that everyone contributes greats jokes and funny stories.

What does everyone's screen name me? Mine means nothing. It was the only I could get.

Keep the jokes and funny stories coming.

Next Tuesday I am having hemmoroid surgery. The surgeon is going to do an exam with an scope, while I am under general anesthesia and if he finds some hemmoroid's he is going to remove them.

I will stay in the hospital overnight.

Has anyone had this type of surgery. Will I have a lot of pain afterwards?

I have some pain now.

A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a Walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

What's that mean?" asked the child. Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with No dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?" The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."