They say:" it is always bigger in Texas"!

How many other jokes are repeated? Let's have some new ones.

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?”

A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"

"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"

He just looked at her and said "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.

One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.

His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks, and the car's running?"

She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything." "Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband. "No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him" she said.

"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband. "Cake? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR '



The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, ' He mated 50 times last year. '

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,

' ' THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR '



The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, ' That ' s more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him. '

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,

' THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR '



The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband ' s ribs, said, ' That ' s once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one

The husband looked at her and said, ' Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow. '

The husband ' s condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery

A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a Walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

What's that mean?" asked the child. Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with No dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?" The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

I don't waste my time. Just a lot of show off's and when it is all over, "life goes back to normal".

Trying to get an item in a Walmart during their busy times.

" Hearing other members attacking other member in this thread. The guilty ones know who they are"

Thanks for the input. I am not the only that spells wrong. To each his own.

Correction: how low a person can go.

How about some dark humor jokes or tastless jokes? See how someone can go?

Yes, ok, people, let's hear some dark humor or see who can sink the lowest with the most tastless jokes.

Let's invite jokes, funny stories instead of copying and paste them. Just a thought.

I am not taken, looking for Ms. Right. Please look at my profile and if you see what you like, message me.

Good job.Keep em coming.

Instead of copying and pasting jokes, let's try making them uo.

I will start first.

What happens when cross an egg and a muffin? You get a egg muffin.

Plp was the only user name I could get. My handle is airport, since I grew up iin and around airports.

A sick joke, but a good one.

I agree with " Where's Mat. Who cares.

Good job on the brain teasers.