LOL!!! LOL!! LOL!

A man goes to his doctor and says, ''Doctor, Doctor, please help me! I've got a problem.'' The doctor examines the man and finds the man has a red ring around his pen*is. The doctor gives him an ointment to rub on the problem area.

''It's all cleared up!'' the man reports when he returns. ''But what was that medication you gave me?''




''Lipstick remover.''

sooo very well said... good one...

LOL... good one!!!

feelin like lost n found... welcome back!

Colin came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found
a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Colin, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".

The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".
Colin was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family....you' ve got to send me back straight away".

St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.."

Colin was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground..

"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Colin, "but I have this strange feeling Inside like I'm about to explode".

"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never" replies Colin "Well just relax and let it happen"

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him...ever!! !

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting -
"Colin, wake up you drunken idiot, you're sh*tting in the bed

Welcome new Bee... there are good ppl everywhere but we need to find the right compatability... goodluck.

Share? what would you do? LOL

Dear the management,
I, the Mr. ****, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I don't get paid overtime.
I work in a dark place that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
Sincerely,
Mr. ****
REPLY FROM THE MANAGEMENT
Dear Mr. ****,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
You do not always follow orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often visiting other
locations.
You do not take initiative; you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing
the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed
the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been constantly entering and exiting
the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
Management

For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.
"The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Joe told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be darned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike

Just say Hi!!!! pretty smile... goodluck

U look like a cuti pic... keep posting more

:)
R

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:
"No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!"

welcome!!! I like you ID and the #

guess u might have already got what ur looking???

if not Good Luck


R

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car.

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line.

"Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

It does!!! but u need to lucky to find the right one thou :)

Born Again!!!

its all matter of compatability... look for the right fit... and ull find life more interesting.

good luck

Haha!!! good one ... LOL

A woman, calling Mount Sinai Hospital, said, "Hello, I want to know if a patient is getting better."

The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"

She said, "Yes, darling! She's Sarah Finkel, in Room 302."

He said, "Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh! That's fantastic! That's wonderful news!"

The man on the phone said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!"

She said, "I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Cohen, my doctor, doesn't tell me a word!"