Hi Kim, good joke

My dear friend Kim, I am so sorry. Know that I'm crying with you, wish I could give you a hug right now.

Jeb

A little old couple walked into a fast food restaurant. The little old man walked up to the counter, ordered the food, paid, and took the tray back to the table where the little old lady sat.

On the tray was a hamburger, a small bag of fries and a drink. Carefully the old man cut the hamburger in two, and divided the fries into two neat piles. He sipped the drink and passed it to the little old lady, who took a sip and passed it back.

A young man on a nearby table had watched the old couple and felt sorry for them. He offered to buy them another meal, but the old man politely declined, saying that they were used to sharing everything. The old man began to eat his food, but his wife sat still, not eating.

The young continued to watch the couple. He still felt he should be offering to help.

As the little old man finished eating, the old lady had still not started on her food. "Ma'am, why aren't you eating?" asked the young man sympathetically.

The old lady looked up and said politely, "I'm waiting for the teeth..."

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.

Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.

"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.

After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse.

While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.

Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.

"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"

Well dang, it says there are 40 winners...would'nt it be neat if all are Mingle2 members.

Just as I'm getting over the disappointment of finding out that the Toyota Lotto was a scam I get this...I just know this must be on the ups.


from: Queen Elizabeth's Foundation
Woodlands Road
Leatherhead Court
Leatherhead
Surrey
KT22 0BN.

Attn: Beneficary,

Congratulations The Queen Elizabeth's
Foundation has chosen you by the board of trustees as one of the final recipients of a cashGrant/Donation for your own personal, educational, and business development. To celebratethe 30th anniversary program, We are giving out a yearly donation of 600,000.00 pounds(Six Hundred Thousand Pounds) to 40lucky
recipients, as charity donations/aid from
the Queen Elizabeth's Foundation,ECOWAS, EU,UNICEF and the UNO in accordance with the enabling act of Parliament, which is part of our promotion. To file for your claim you are to fill out below
information and send it to Mr George Moor The Executive Secretary Via his email.

Claims Requirements:

1. Full
Name:.....................................
2.
Address:.......................................
3.
Nationality:...................................
4. Age:.......... Date of
Birth:.................
5.
Occupation:.....................................
6.
Phone:................Fax:.....................
7. State of
Origin:...........Country:...............

The Executive Secretary:

Mr. George Moor
Email:qelizabeth77@yahoo.com.hk
Woodlands Road
Leatherhead Court
Leatherhead
Surrey
KT22 0BN.
**********************************************************************
****
Queen Elizabeth's Foundation for Disabled
People is a registered charity No 251051. Registered as a company limited by
guarantee in London No892013. Registered at
Leatherhead Court, Woodlands Road, Leatherhead,Surrey KT22 0BN.

Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking.

Dorothy: 'That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.

Edna: 'Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... A limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner... A marvelous dinner... Lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks.
Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my
apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!'

Dorothy: 'Goodness gracious!... So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?

Edna: 'No, no, no...
I'm just saying, wear an old dress.'

If that person is female....Jeb would date her!!
Tho, she could probably count higher than me.

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar turn and stares at them.

Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which, he responds at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean, $200?"

An old cowboy dressed to kill with a cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs, and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.

As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink, she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" To which he replied, "Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences. I guess I am."

After a short while, he asked her what she was. She replied, "I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" To which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

Maxine

Bet she dyed for that

Aw, pith