It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Claude the Amazing Hypnotist
was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed
hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced,
"Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the
stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every
member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on
this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for
six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.... "

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed
the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's
fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"Crap!" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the theater

GREELEY, Colo. (UPI) -- A jury in Colorado says a Democratic activist
committed no crime when she left a campaign flyer filled with dog poop
at a Republican candidate's office.

Kathleen Ensz faced a misdemeanor charge of criminal use of a noxious
substance. Jurors found her not guilty Wednesday after two hours of
deliberation, The Rocky Mountain News reported.

Ensz did not deny that she dropped off her gift at the office of U.S.
Rep. Marilyn Musgrave in Greeley. But her lawyers argued that she was
engaged in a bit of free speech, demonstrating in no uncertain terms
what she thought of Musgrave's policies during last year's campaign.

"Her only intention of going over there was to make a political
statement that Marilyn Musgrave's politics stink," lawyer Shannon Lyons
said after learning that he had convinced the jury.

Ensz resigned from an unpaid party post last fall. The campaign of state
Rep. Angie Paccione, who ran against Musgrave, denied any knowledge of
Ensz's act.


Copyright 2007 by United Press International

Let's see....a tank of water with a line allowing the water to flow into
another tank where the water is broken down (oxygen and hydrogen is
separated)and the o and h is pumped into a fuel cell where they
recombine (hydrogen is burned), producing electricity and water. The
electricity runs my car and the exhaust (water) is routed back to the
tank from whence it came.
Amazing, huh?

Seriously, we could all be driving vichicles powered by alternative
fuels today. It will take years for the transition, however, because if
all or most of us quit buying gasoline tomorrow or year after next....it
would ruin the economy.
Remember, slick Willie said 'it'a the economy, stupid'.

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun
in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter:

"Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere
and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
the waiter

"Want coffee."

The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto!

We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.

What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says ..

"Training for position in United States Congress:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
leave mess for others to clean up,
disappear for rest of day

Hang on to any of the new Arkansas Quarters. If you have them, they

may be worth much more than 25 cents. The US Mint announced today that

it is recalling all of the Arkansas quarters that are part of its

program featuring quarters from each state. This action is being taken

after numerous reports that the new quarters will not work in parking

meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones or any other

coin-operated devices.

The problem lies in the unique design of the Arkansas quarter, which

was designed by a team of Ozark specialists. Apparently the duct tape

holding the two dimes and nickel together keeps jamming up the machines

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man
opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time, the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man
seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
she complained to the driver, and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court: The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
what he had to say for himself. The man replied, 'Well, Your Honor, it
was like this...When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice
her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are
coming,' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will
reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.'
Then, she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's
Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign
that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident,' I just
lost it!'
CASE DISMISSED!!'

Oceans, thank you.

If you guys need any help in formulating policy and analizing
situations.....looks like you've come to the right place.

Thank you Armydoc, for your service to the USA, and for your posts
here.....I say 'ditto'!!!

Oceans said, "But an increasing number of senior military are now
admitting quietly and behind the scenes, that they let the country down,
in your words, they failed to protect their troops (and the country) by
resisting an unworthy cause."

Just curious...how are you privy to this 'behind the scenes' chat?

3 legged dog,
Blind in one eye,
Lost one ear in fight,
Castrated 2 months ago,

Answers to 'Lucky'

I can remember, I think it was in the early 1950s, my grandfather and I
were watching 'news' on TV...a report of the deminishing supply of fresh
water. Granddad said, "son, we're gonna run out of water!" I said, "aw
granddad, we can make water at school". He replied, "I can make water
also...but it isn't fit to drink".

I'm a Christian!

-I think Maxine has the better idea, "dig a moat along the border from
the Gulf of Mexico to the Pacific coast. Use the dirt to build New
Orleans above sea level, gather up all the troubling aligators around
Florida and put them in the moat'.

Seriously, does it really matter what kind of law they pass....if they
aren't gonna enforce it?

If you haven't already,
visit....http://news.yahoo.com/s/news21/the_true_cost_of_illegal;_ylt=AjE4PYiVLP1MkZwOYCq1P0W9IxIF

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the
chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're
stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by
then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the
same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each
other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets
them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers
and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with
that.
-- Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them
and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone
to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And The #1 Response Was...

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump
truck.
-- Ricky, age

Hi Red....

"And as He sat upon the mount of Olives, the discip;es came unto him
privately, saying, Tell us, when shall these things be? and what shall
be the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world?" St. Matthew
24:3

"And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a
witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come." St. Matthew
24:14

The next verse, Matt. 24:15 is interesting: " When ye therefore shall
see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by Daniel the profit, stand
in the holy place, (whoso readeth, let him understand:)" Hmm, could
this be the dome of the rock?

"Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be
darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall
fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken;
And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven; and then
shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of
man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory." St.
Matthew 24: 29,30

I'd say no nudies after two.


inappropriate

Michael, How are You?

TLW.....you can't quit...
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by thr mercies of God, that ye
present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which
is your reasonable service.
And be ye not conformed to this world; but be ye transformed by the
renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and
acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among
you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to
think soberly, according as God has dealt to every man the measure of
faith." Romans 12 : 1-3

Keep the Faith....Speak the Truth, The Holy Spirit will take it from
there.

Your brother in Christ, Old Jeb

Somebody said that it couldn't be done,
But he with a chuckle replied
That maybe it couldn't, but he would be one
Who wouldn't say no till he tried.
So he buckled right in, with a trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried, he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done and he DID it!