3-year-old Reese:

"Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was overheard praying:

"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.

His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One particular four-year-old prayed:

"And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

MsTeddy, how are you?

Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game.

They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniels into the ball park. The game is really exciting and they are enjoying themselves immensely...mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks.

Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.

Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?

Think!


Think some more!!









Answer: It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded!

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

19. A backwards poet writes inverse.

20. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade in a French kitchen results in Linoleum Blownapart.

A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A short fortune-teller escaped from prison is a small medium-at-large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine .

An actress who saw her first strands of grey hair thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

An American is having breakfast, in Paris , one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: 'You American folk eat the whole bread??'

American (in a bad mood): 'Of course.'

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble): 'We don't. In France , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states.' The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The American listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: 'Do you eat jelly with the bread??'

American: 'Of course.'

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling) 'We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to the states.'

After a moment of silence, The American then asks: 'Do you make love in France?'

Frenchman: 'Why of course we do', he says with a big smirk.

American: 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'

Frenchman: 'We throw them away, of course.'

American: 'We don't. In America , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France .'

Gee, Ive been remiss....I recieved all those emails and
have'nt sent any 'thank yous'.

mnhiker, have you heard Obamas' preacher/spiritual guide preach?

I have, he was preaching racial hatred and hatred of the USA.

Now I know why Obama refuses to pledge allegiance to the 'flag
and to the republic for which it stands'. He has been listening to that stuff for 30 years.

I can't help but wonder where his allegiance lies. I would not vote for Obama or anyone else for president and commander in chief, who refuses to pledge allegiance to the USA.

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the
sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,'Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?'
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks,'Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?'
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her
knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,

'I don't think my python weally gives a thit.

Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and would end-up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry; no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Gold's, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just...are you ready for this?

A COMMONTATER...

Hi MsTeddy

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.



The moral of the story?



"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks"