ok well lets see where do i start....sorry if this is a bit long, but i think ppl need to know all this to be able to help me out.

Well this girl was my first GF and i was her first BF. We were our first everything (lets just put it that way) ;-)

In the beginning everything was great....then a year passed. I started getting into a routine with her. I know that part was my fault. I would only take her to certain places.

Now, im not much of a drinker or party person, and i cant dance to save my life lol, but she started changing. Somehow i think her friends had something to do with the changes, because when i first met her she was really shy and a nice girl. When i started talking to her, i had to bring her out of her shell. Later on she started hanging out with her friends more and dumping me on the side. On a side note, i treated her like a queen. I gave her alot of things...and knowing that she was in a financial bind, i helped her out when i could, financially. Near the end though, i felt like i wasnt helping her by giving her money, so i told her that i wanted her to become responsible with her expenses, and that i wasnt goin to give her anymore money.

I thought every thing was great....then she told me that a guy was talking to her on Myspace. She has had other guys talk to her before, but it started to get more and more frequent. finally i told her, " i dont want you to talk to this guy. Can you please stop?" she said yes...Then she asked for some time apart to do things she wanted to do. She came back a week later and told me that she was still talking to the guy, and that they had gone out once as "friends", even though she had said she would stop....so the way i see it, she lied to me.

Things went on like this for the next couple of months. she said she still cared, she didtn want to hurt me or leave me. I felt like she wanted to have me on the side for ...whatever reason, and be going out with this guy too.

She never broke up with me, to be honest. She would only say,"I think its BETTER if we break up." but she never positvely said "im breakin up with you."

after about a week of her giving me false hopes, saying she was gonna stop talkin to the guy and come back to me, and acting like if everything was back to normal (kissing, hugging, etc.), I finally told her," i cant take this anymore im gonna leave you alone now." It hurt me alot because i didnt want it to come to that. I wanted to stay with her, but she told me she just didnt feel the same and that she was starting to like this guy more and more (obviously), but she said she was still confused. So i let her go.

The first few days i felt like total crap. I felt so depressed, and was wondering if she was gonna come back. After i accepted the possibility that she may not come back, i felt a little better. Near the end of the first week that i hadnt spoken to her, she texted just random things. Things that i would have cared about if she were still with me. so i just acted like i was busy, because i really didnt want to talk to her. I wanted to move forward in my life. Then this past friday, she called me, and asked me what i was doing. I asked her why she called. She simply answered taht she was just wondering what i was doing. I said i was working. Then she said oh ok well i gtg too, so ill call you later.

She called me back a few hours later and said hey and made small talk. she spoke about somethings she had done with the other guy. Although she never mentioned she did those things because of him, but i knew that she was with him, cuz she never did those kinda things before. I told her that i didnt want to talk to her because i was tryin to get over her and she wasnt helping me and i couldnt bear the fact that the person i cared about was doing things with some one else. she got upset at that, and stopped talking with me.
That night, i talked to my youth pastor. he told me that i had two options. one, i could wallow in my sorrow and feel bad that this happened, or two, decide to move on.

Saturday morning i felt like crap, and decided to get my closure. i went to her house and spoke to her mother for about 45 mins before actually speakin with her. then she came out, and she gave me the worst attitude that i never thought she had! I know it was all an act though. When she came out like that, i let my emotions get the best of me and starting saying some things that maybe i shouldnt have said. anyways...she gave me my answers, some of them at least. i went back home, deleted her phone number from my phone, all her pictures from my phone and myspace, and deleted her from my myspace friends.

its been 1 week since i stopped talkin to her. the last contact i had with her was on monday. I felt like i was moving on and called her, and she actually answered her fone. I told her, "you know what? i wanted to apoligize for some of the things i said on saturday. I also wanted to thank you because you showed me some of the things that messed up our relationship and that i know to fix for my next GF."
I wished her the best of luck with the other guy, if thats what she really wanted. then promptly said, goodbye and good luck.

havent spoken to her since, but ive had the temptation to want to add her back to my friends list. ive been checking her page occasionally (though its set on private so i cant see much), and yesterday i noticed she changed her headline to something really weird. it says "oh my love, my mind is gone"
no idea but this girl just seems to get stranger and stranger...

now my question(s) !

what do you guys think about this whole thing?
was it right for her to do that to me?
Was it right for me to walk away?
Do you guys think that shell realize her feelings for me and come back?
If she does comes back, should i take her back? why? or why not?

now, let me point out that im not waiting for her, (obviously not if im on a dating site :-) ), but ive thought about taking her back if shes ready to be serious with me, and of course, if i dont have anyone else.

Any advice, suggestions, or comments are welcomed and appreciated. I hope someone can give me their thoughts on this. sorry for the long post

i'm with ya buddy

I think it was a good idea to let her go... don't talk to her anymore. I know it's rough and it hurts but there's no point in dragging it out. Sometimes people change... especially when they are young. She isn't the person you fell in love with and you can't make her be that person again.
I know it feels and I'm sorry you are going thru this

get over it, she basically did everything but cheat on you (providing she really didn't) time change, people change, move on.....

if she cared that much she wouldn't have been doing the things she was doing, this guy was more important to her then you so leave it that way and find somebody you really are important to.

You two are both young. What she did was not right, but at least she was honest with you (sort of). Yes, it was right to walk away. And no, honey, she's not coming back. If she does, it will be for comfort or sex. Not love. If she comes back, send her away. If you let her in, you'll be saying it's okay to treat you badly. And really? She did. Why let her do it again?

It's not your fault. Her feelings changed, and her telling you about the other guy.... well she was callous about it. But in my opinion she wants you to know it's over. It seems she still cares about you, but no longer loves you.

Good luck.

I don't lilith... i almost think that she told him all that because she wanted to make him jealous. It's a childish lil mind games she's playing. Don't let her do it to you.

Jill- I agree about the jealousy part, in the way she told him. But I suppose we'll never know. I'm trying to keep in mind here how old she is and talk in those years...

Yeah i forgot to mention she was 21....And thank you for being honest with me. I appreciate it.

With time people change and yes its always hard to say goodbye to your first love and you will always have that soft spot for that person. But she should have communicated better with you... and she shouldnt have gone behind your back to talk/be with this other guy. She might realize what shes lost... it might be today.. a month from now... or never who knows really. And Yes it was right for you to walk away... you can't compromise yourself for another person. The person your with is suppose to compliment you not compromise you... No i dont think you should take her back... you will want to. But if you feel that she has/is changed back into the person that she was when you first met then ok... but most likely she will still be doing these types of things and your just going to set yourself up to be hurt even more... Good luck, i hope i was some kind of help

If a relationship is good for people on both sides, it's worth keeping (a win-win situation). If the relationship turns bad on either side (win-lose, lose-win or lose-lose) it's time to reevaluate. If you're joined at the hip (sleeping together), you're going to want to stay together no matter what. That's just human nature, I think. That's why it's best to wait till you're married to do that kind of thing, I think. And it takes a long time to know if you want to marry someone. There's a lot of financial and lifestyle issues to work through. I think a relationship with the Lord is the first thing to get straight. With that or without, relationships are going to be a challenge. With the Lord, you know that the man needs to be a spiritual leader and both sides submit to the Lord and the man serves the woman's needs. There has to be an atmosphere of respect and commitment between the partners and without that, the relationship is pretty much doomed. I've been through a few relationships where I didn't respect my partner enough and regret each time that I have. But, I knopw that there's lots of fish in the sea out there and if one relationship doesn't work out, there'll eventually be another one around to take its place.

Yes, y'all were right to break it off. If the person's changed, you can give it another try, but if there's been no change, it'll probably be the same old thing all over again.

Let it go brother, it isn't easy, that is for sure. You sound like a thoughtful person, and I am sure you will learn from it. Don't let this drag you into an emotional pit you wont recover from, keep the ties severed, at least till you have truly "moved on" in your heart.

I'm going to answer your questions honestly dude. Been there, done that (sort of.)

1.) It sucks. She changed some and didn't want to hurt you. But she wanted to date other people.

2.) The way that she did it sucked. But she was probably trying to not hurt your feelings.

3.) You did the smartest thing you could do by walking away. She will see that you have some dignity and self respect, and are not some wussy boy that she needs to feel sorry for. You don't look pathetic. And that's the best you'll get out of this. SO I highly recommend not re adding her to your myspace page or calling her again.

4.) She may if you don't call her. I will admit that it's unlikely. But if you act like a sad puppy dog around her, she won't look at you like a man. Good luck dude. I know it sucks. But it will get better. It just takes a LONG time!! Especially for your first love.

ok, jut MHO, ok. You weren't married, to her. Your both young, that's good, bouncing back is easier to do when you are younger. Keep growing and maturing, on the road you are on. She will mature in her own time. You cannot make someone care for you the way you care for them. You with me so far?

All in all, you are probably better off. The hurts heal in time. It was good you called her to apologize, just remember, there are limits to what you are willing to overlook. Be wary, but, rejoice in the life God gave you. Embrace every day, anew. Be positive. You are on your way. Love will happen, it has a way of doing that, especially when you least expect it to.

thanks to everyone for posting your thoughts and advice. good to know that people have gone through the same things as myself, and have the wisdom and experience to share their thoughts.

thanks everyone!